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When someone who once hurted you reappear, what would you do





mk12327
Imagine the scenario: There is this person who once hurted you emotionally in the past and whom you had lost contact. After a long time, maybe a few years, this same person reappear in your life. What would your reaction be?

Is avoidance a way out? Should you take it that what happened never happened before and start afresh with this person as a friend? Or do you accept this person as a friend as of now and wait for a chance to seek revenge? There are many more possibilities you could think of, but what would you do and why?
Raggy_Pro
If the person I'm thinking of showed up, I would probably ask, "Why?"
BigGeek
I've had this happen numerous times in my life, where someone that hurt me emotionally in the past shows up or contacts me again.

Being a spiritual person I honestly believe in the power of forgiveness for those that wronged you, or hurt you. But the thing is, the forgiveness is for my own piece of mind rather than theirs. You see, I value my inner peace, meditate often, and take quiet time and attempt to shut down my inner dialogue. Nothing is a bigger block towards your own inner peace than to have your mind rambling on incessantly about this wrong or that, or this thing or that, and when it comes to emotional scars, they can be the deepest, and take a lot of forgiveness, and letting go, to free yourself from them.

The thing about the person showing up in your life, is that often times when you are working out in your own way your forgiveness of them, they show up. As far as things going back to the friends or relationship that they were in the past, it never happens. You will never trust them, and although your have forgiven them, no one said to forget it. So you will kind of always be on guard with them. My experiences in this area have also taught me that, they are never the same either, they will change for the better, and things may ease up, but most of the time, they seem to know you are never gonna take their crap again, and they kind of fade away in life.

Just my 2 cents, but hey I got 5 points for it..... Laughing
meep
I will make their time around me miserable, and hope they leave fast.
But then again I'm not really a forgiving type of person :-\
apple
mk12327 wrote:
Imagine the scenario: There is this person who once hurted you emotionally in the past and whom you had lost contact. After a long time, maybe a few years, this same person reappear in your life. What would your reaction be?

Is avoidance a way out? Should you take it that what happened never happened before and start afresh with this person as a friend? Or do you accept this person as a friend as of now and wait for a chance to seek revenge? There are many more possibilities you could think of, but what would you do and why?


When I was 16 and 7 months pregnant my boyfriend left out island for the US. I was devastated and thought that pain was the worst thing ever.

Over the following years I wondered about the day I'd see him again and what I wanted my reaction to be. At first I wanted to be angry and to tell him to leave me alone, but decided that it would hurt more if I was nice to him Twisted Evil

While my son was growing up, I NEVER once said to him anything negative about his father. Anytime we spoke about him I'd highlight the good stuff. I wanted my son to form his own opinion of the man once he met him and not be poisoned by my experiences (it was tougher than am letting on).

So 13 1/2 years after my son and I attend a funeral of a relative on his fathers side. Lo and behold when we walk in, his father is there. Seeing that my son had never met him prior to that day, I whispered that he was there and gave him directions to 'view' him.

After the funeral he came over and said hello to me, he seemed almost surprised when I smiled and said hello and allowed him to hug me (for a SHORT moment).

The satisfaction of not being angry at him was more than I can put into words right now.

----
mk my advice to you would be to be the bigger person. life is too short to hold people in mind.
If you can and chose to avoid the person, then do so.
If you'd like to be civil and say hello and ask how they were and let the past be the past, good for you as few can do that.
Revenge is a no no in my book.
programitv
It is hard to forgive and especially to forget. I think a friendship wouldn`t be possible as soon as it is still painful to think about what this person did. But maybe with the time things change. I could think one or two people that had hurt me but I know deep inside it was because they were not mature enough at the time.. so, I could be able to restart a friendship with them. But there are others, I cannot imagine getting in contact again with them.
zacky
mk12327 wrote:
Imagine the scenario: There is this person who once hurted you emotionally in the past and whom you had lost contact. After a long time, maybe a few years, this same person reappear in your life. What would your reaction be?

Is avoidance a way out? Should you take it that what happened never happened before and start afresh with this person as a friend? Or do you accept this person as a friend as of now and wait for a chance to seek revenge? There are many more possibilities you could think of, but what would you do and why?


Well i guess the answer is all up to you coz your the one who knows how much she/he hurts your before. I never had a same story like yours but i heard it many times. Most of the cases like that, there's only two possible option for that or maybe three, 2 or 3... First i think if you still love the person, then even that person hurt you so bad before, if there still a sparks that we called and you feel that, that person totally change in a good way. Then the second one is just a normal one, i mean you totally move on from the past there is a person who currently helping you to move on and make your day happy each and everyday, weeks, months, years that passes by. Or maybe the third is just ignore that person, treating that person like a normal guy that passes by while your walking in the beaches, malls or park. Treating that person that your almost pretending that you never met him/her and there is no to what we called "past relationship" or what ever..

Just ask your self and you will know the answer. You posted it here i'm assuming that there is something that making you weirdo..
mk12327
apple wrote:
mk my advice to you would be to be the bigger person. life is too short to hold people in mind.
If you can and chose to avoid the person, then do so.
If you'd like to be civil and say hello and ask how they were and let the past be the past, good for you as few can do that.
Revenge is a no no in my book.


I am very touched by your experience and how you managed to pull through the tough times. I would also like to thank you for your advice.

For me, actually revenge was not on my mind. It is more of a matter of how should i react. Just like what you said, i had always tried to put down all the negative past and choose to only recall the positive and neutral experiences. Over the past week, I did allow contact with this person over mobile messages but when asked to meet up, i suddenly decided not to. Partly was due to the fact that what happened in the past affected a few other people whom i still had contact with. I am afraid that by meeting this person, it would cause misunderstanding or complications.
metalfreek
I haven't have such an experience but if this do happen then a casual hello and Hi words are the only thing that I am going to speak with her.
apple
mk12327 wrote:
apple wrote:
mk my advice to you would be to be the bigger person. life is too short to hold people in mind.
If you can and chose to avoid the person, then do so.
If you'd like to be civil and say hello and ask how they were and let the past be the past, good for you as few can do that.
Revenge is a no no in my book.


I am very touched by your experience and how you managed to pull through the tough times. I would also like to thank you for your advice.

For me, actually revenge was not on my mind. It is more of a matter of how should i react. Just like what you said, i had always tried to put down all the negative past and choose to only recall the positive and neutral experiences. Over the past week, I did allow contact with this person over mobile messages but when asked to meet up, i suddenly decided not to. Partly was due to the fact that what happened in the past affected a few other people whom i still had contact with. I am afraid that by meeting this person, it would cause misunderstanding or complications.


It was my pleasure to have shared my experience with you, I believe if we continue sharing we might help someone else avoid heartbreak etc.

With this particular experience I did not think I wanted to see him again. After the funeral I got to thinking and decided that I should meet with him, which I did. I spent a day with him talking and I got some much needed closure. Now I don't have to see/speak to him again for I no longer have questions about 'what happened'. Everything is as it ought to be and makes perfect sense.
If possible, I'd tell you to at least speak to the person on the phone cause it might help you get over any hurt you may still have (unless you're not ready for that).
priyank
mk12327 wrote:
Imagine the scenario: There is this person who once hurted you emotionally in the past and whom you had lost contact. After a long time, maybe a few years, this same person reappear in your life. What would your reaction be?

Is avoidance a way out? Should you take it that what happened never happened before and start afresh with this person as a friend? Or do you accept this person as a friend as of now and wait for a chance to seek revenge? There are many more possibilities you could think of, but what would you do and why?


best thing to do is forget about the past n look for the future.
bein like him/her will never slove prob infact it will create more
deanhills
I think all relationships have a template of their own. I've had a repeat relationship, and the second time started as good as the first one did, and ended in exactly the same way as the first. It probably depends on how you are. If you still have feelings such as anger, hurt or just being confused, I would avoid seeing this person. If you feel you are over this person, then it is probably OK to say "hello", but to be careful not to get carried away with it. I think the chance of that relationship repeating itself as before is quite high.
mk12327
apple wrote:
It was my pleasure to have shared my experience with you, I believe if we continue sharing we might help someone else avoid heartbreak etc.

With this particular experience I did not think I wanted to see him again. After the funeral I got to thinking and decided that I should meet with him, which I did. I spent a day with him talking and I got some much needed closure. Now I don't have to see/speak to him again for I no longer have questions about 'what happened'. Everything is as it ought to be and makes perfect sense.
If possible, I'd tell you to at least speak to the person on the phone cause it might help you get over any hurt you may still have (unless you're not ready for that).


Yes, I had spoke to the person over the phone this week. Turned down an invitation to meet out for dinner though. I think i already got over most part of what happened in the past, but i guess i don't feel comfortable meeting up in person.
mk12327
deanhills wrote:
I think all relationships have a template of their own. I've had a repeat relationship, and the second time started as good as the first one did, and ended in exactly the same way as the first. It probably depends on how you are. If you still have feelings such as anger, hurt or just being confused, I would avoid seeing this person. If you feel you are over this person, then it is probably OK to say "hello", but to be careful not to get carried away with it. I think the chance of that relationship repeating itself as before is quite high.


Maybe fundamentally it has a lot to do with the underlying character of the involved parties. For 2 people with differing or contradicting characters, yet unable to compromise on the differences, chances are the relationship would not work out well. Most of the time, people's character do not change much. As a result, the outcome of the relationship does not change as well. This is what i think about what deanhills had said.
deanhills
mk12327 wrote:
Maybe fundamentally it has a lot to do with the underlying character of the involved parties. For 2 people with differing or contradicting characters, yet unable to compromise on the differences, chances are the relationship would not work out well. Most of the time, people's character do not change much. As a result, the outcome of the relationship does not change as well. This is what i think about what deanhills had said.
Thanks for a really good insight, You are right on with your thinking. Basically the chemistry and personality compatibility were almost 10 out of 10. But the underlying characters of the involved parties that have to do with who we are, and the day to day decisions we make, and even more important than that, the day to day decisions we fail to make, or simply do not make because of who we are, stood in the way of the relationship working out. A mistake of either of the parties would be to look back at their relationship along "should have" lines, instead of, this is who we are lines, and who we are will result in exactly the same relationship if we should decide to get together again.
natilovesmike
well, it all depends on what I did when I got hurt in the past. Did I stopped talking with this person? or did I maintained a polite relationship until things fadeded away?

I think if I thought what the person did to me was something that reflected on his personality and I wouldn't want to be friends with that person again...then I would just ignore him and act as if I never knew him and never want to know him...

If on the other hand I feel that what happened was just a human type of mistake and that really this person is a good person and someone I would like to be friends with...then I would try to be friends again.
iyepes
If the person reappears, it does not matter if I already have forgiven the situation. I found out last year that the only way to go on after you have been hurt is to forgive the situation.

If the person shows up, all the pain has been vanished. It does not mean that he/she has another chance, it just means that I can share the same physical space with that person, without annoyance.

Forgive is a gift for oneself, not for the other person. Relieves you, and makes that the other lose his/her ability to affect your feelings.
Greatking
i believe in forgiveness, so after the hurt you forgive and move on with life. if the person reappears i think i would still live my life and not bother myself about revenge. i think whats done is done so you move on.
chatrack
I will be speaking to him with a smile, but my body language will tell him "dont hurt me any more"
macky
yes me too...i always believe in forgiveness... we are born to be imperfect person who does right and

wrong ones... God always forgive sinners why not us human who are still living here...
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