I have been friend with this girl for about 3 years (through high school)(10th-12th grade). She has gone though some bf to exs in the past 2 years and her last boyfriend really was a jerk .I am going with her and some friends to prom(as a group not just me and her) and post prom.She is the most compassionate, kind, beautiful, and easy to be around with person i have ever known .
I am a shy type of guy but the way i want to let het know i like (love) her is to send her some flowers with a bear holding a note saying that i love you... not just i love you .Its been really hard for me to tell her face to face so this "i think" would be the best way to tell her.
I would greatly apreciate any responses as long as there apropriate not just for laughs
This is a very common problem with people... There really is only one solution to this problem. That solution is to simply zip up your man suit and just talk to her! What else would you expect the solution to be? It's not going to magically happen...
I know you said you're "shy," but honestly dude, you're going to have to get over that some time in your life. If you're too shy to ask a girl out you'll be too shy to go after a job. You'll be too shy to put yourself out in the business world. So it's better to just get over this when you're young.
Ask her to dance. That's the easy part considering you're at a prom with her. And honestly, flowers are nice and all, but talk to her first. It might scare a girl off if she receives something like that from you and doesn't have a hint about what you think of her.
I know my advice probably isn't helpful in your mind because you were searching for some secret dating advice that all successful guys use. But the truth is, there isn't really any secret advice. Some men are more successful than others for a variety of physical and mental abilities. Some guys are smoother talkers than others. But what it really comes down to is that you have to put yourself out there and talk to her! You have to get over being shy because it will screw you over in more places than just dating in your life...
One final tip is to not fear rejection. It's better to try and get rejected than to never have tried and not knowing what could have happened... If you fear rejection you'll never get anywhere...
"Ask her to dance. That's the easy part considering you're at a prom with her. And honestly, flowers are nice and all, but talk to her first. It might scare a girl off if she receives something like that from you and doesn't have a hint about what you think of her."
ty for the advice but she wont go with 1 person as a date she will only go as a group .
and yes i have given her flowers before that she accepted and thanked me for.
i wont go though her life online but with what goes on in her family its better for me to do it this way
That doesn't matter. Just because she won't go with one person doesn't mean she won't dance. Ask her to dance... Isn't that what you do at prom? Yeah I don't really remember my prom because back then I didn't give a shit about those kinds of things (actually, I still don't really care about dancing and those types of things) and all I wanted to do was get liquored up... But I'm pretty sure it's not hard, when there's a coupe hundred kids dancing, to say, "Hey would you like to dance?"
And she has stuff go on in her family it will of course make some sort of difference in any relationship. However, the point still remains the same in that there is not really any good way around simply talking to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you like her. Whatever. If you drink, these things might be easier for you after a couple of beers (of course don't talk to her drunk, that would probably ruin everything).
yea i guess your right ill try that and see what happends ty for your good reply for my post
Hi. I agree with Afaceinthematrix. I believe that's not exist a magical answer to solve this situation. Best you can do, in my opinion, go with her and ask her if want to dance in prom with you, or maybe go to the cinema, park, disco, theather, eat an ice cream, or whatever you can imagine. Really, it doesn't matter. Important here is you cant talk to her and tell her what you feel about her. Luck with that, man. And excuse me for my english. I'm still learning.
@chef2010. I think it is OK to be shy. As well as modest. There is an English saying about there being different courses for different horses. We are all different from one another. The best policy is just to be who we are. I'm certain if you spend more time in her company on a regular basis in the friendly way you have described, that you will eventually feel more safe and familiar with her. It would eventually become easier to be spontaneous and instinctively know how to approach her, without even thinking about it.
I mostly agree that sending her flowers with an inscription of "I love you" might scare her... although very sweet, it's frightening.
Keep that for when you officially go out with her
Prom night is an ideal time to discover her feelings towards you. Even if you are in a group, try talking to her. About nothing and anything. If she is interested in you, she might single you out and talk to you a lot. If she seems to always keep her attention focused to her other friends, ignoring you, then it's a bad omen.
Ask her to dance! If she finds some lame excuse about not wanting to dance, it's bad! (unless she really doesn't dance, not even with her girlfriends, then it's ok )
So, really, just talk to her a lot, try sitting close to her while you eat (if there's eating at your prom). An interested girl will look at you and talk a lot... while dancing you can tell her that you like her very much... and see where that goes!
Good luck !
I know it's not easy, I'm incredibly shy too, but like someone else said, better facing rejection than never know!
Joining the chorus: if you're shy and don't want to scare her, the inscription "(I think that) I love you" might be a bit too much.
On the other hand, some flowers could be a really nice way of showing you care. One thing, though:
the question of when to give them to her can be important: in front of everybody on prom day can be too much, especially if you're uncertain about how she feels about you. I (being very shy) would wait for some occasion (birthday, success at an exam, performance night in a play if she's in it, or if she missed school because she got sick, etc.) and bring her some flowers (but not at school). Also, I would go for something sweet that shows I care, something like this:
Not something extravagant like that:
I wouldn't send them with a note, I would bring them myself.
Finally, just like the others, I believe that small attentions, especially talking and listening to her (and letting her talk her own way) will show her that you care and that you care about her especially. Good luck!
so if i wanted to give her these
for easter would that be too much is hat what you are saying
Actually it's a beautiful bouquet, I think it's lovely and somewhere in between.
(What I forgot to mention about the red roses bouquet is that, apart from its size, there is always the fact that red roses clearly mean "I love you", which I would reserve, hopefully, for a later moment when there may be an understanding between you and her. Red flowers now would, I think, impose too much on her. Some people sometimes attribute other meanings to other rose colors but most people don't, and any mix, such as this one, is considered general, which is good.)
The question whether this particular bouquet you're thinking of is too much would depend on a number of parameters, especially:
1) the social environment both of you live in. In some places, things are expected to be quite formal, so if you give someone a bouquet, you can't go for something that might risk looking cheap. On the other hand, in other areas or countries you can get on the "too much" side pretty quickly. If you're not sure what's expected as far as people from your age-group in your area are concerned, you may want to ask for advice from parents or aunts or uncles (but if you don't want too much publicity, find somebody else who has some experience in it).
2) what is the message you want to send across? The good thing is that in any case, your giving her flowers for Easter (which is a very nice idea, btw) will show her that you care about her, which I suppose is the most important thing you want her to know. So the size and flashiness of the bouquet is just "added value". Something too "crazy" might send the message "I'm mad about you", which could be a problem if she feels quite indifferent about you.
The reason I would personally go for something which would be considered, in my area, as "not over the board", is that I would not want to risk putting her in the awkward situation of somebody giving her something gorgeous which she cannot happily accept (if it's too much she'll feel sorry about the situation). On the other hand, everybody loves getting flowers, even if the bouquet does not look overly expensive, because it means that the person giving flowers cares.
So the way I would try to do it in such a situation would be to try and make it quite casual, "it's Easter and I thought I'd love to give you flowers" kind of style. Not making it too deliberate can be important both for you (to minimize the pain a little in case you realize she was happy getting flowers but she's not interested in you) and for her (she won't feel as awkward if she's not interested in you, and if she is interested in you she'll be delighted whatever the size of the bouquet). Every time I tried something quite deliberate and over the board and without an understanding between us, I realized later on that I basically started as a loser.
Example: I once was out of town for a couple of weeks. To tell a girl I was dating that I was thinking about her, I sent her flowers at work, a nice bouquet. She was happily surprised and very grateful. The next week I also sent her flowers, something a bit bigger. Her answer was nice but I could feel it was too much. What I've learned from that: I now get mid-sized bouquets (often including wild flowers, which I love and which are less formal, but depending on where you live it might be harder to find) and I try to bring them myself, because what to write on the card is even more of a puzzle than what bouquet to choose, and because it makes things less awkward as she does not have to respond formally (also, you can see if she's really happy about it, which matters). The only person I got a gigantic bouquet recently was my sister: as I said earlier, I would reserve these for cases where the relationship is clear (whether between family members, lovers, etc.). My sister found the bouquet fantastic. I'm not too sure how she would have felt if a boy from her class had gotten her the same bouquet.
Whatever bouquet you choose, remember you're giving it to her because giving flowers is a pleasure for both parties, and because it is a simple, sweet way of saying "I care about you". If she's not interested in you and you sense there isn't much you can do about it (and unfortunately, there often isn't, in those cases), at least you will know you have done what you thought was right, and in a very dignified way. Good luck!
Hopefully, other Frihost members will also give their take on it (especially if they see things differently).
ASK HER OUT SPECIFICALLY BEFORE THE PROM - AS A DATE!!!
You will earn her respect and admiration this way, and seeing you've been friends for over three years - this is your best change to elicit feelings from her (as she might have already assumed you were not interested in her romantically).
On the off chance she says no - get over it. It is not the end of the world, just of your fantasy.
Please take my advise. I was painfully shy growing up and I have regretted it.
Just say her about your feelings.
Just tell that you like him/her soo much.
Hmm, That depends on your present relation.
just talk to her
Just read through this thread thanks to mr. bumper above me.
Now I'm wondering what happened at the prom. Most people ask for advice on the net but never bother coming back - which is a shame. The aftermath of this (or any other) courtship is perhaps the most juice a topic like this could ever get.
Ok hi there Chef2010, I'm going to try and help you abit here.
For one, you've just proved to me, that youre reliable to do this, as this is what you wrote *.She is the most compassionate, kind, beautiful, and easy to be around with person i have ever known* This is the information you need to tell her. Tell her you true feelings of what you think about her, weather your shy or not you need to come out of your shell one day in like. Infact women rather like shy guys, there not to big headed, there not so outgoing it's just something girls really like. I suggest telling her to the face, because if she replys bacl with something negative, atleast you know how she feels about you. I don't mean to sound rude or crude here, but why spend money on her, if she doesn't feel the same why. I personaly would give her hints, for example you said your in highschool? Walk past her *Hey you look good today* make a convo last with her, girls really like it. Compliments, make her smile, make her gigle and try to make her blush. Your definetly not the first guy i've come across who's madly inlove with someone like this, and yo udefinetly will not be the last. I feel for you, i'm a shy guy my self ( Or was until i came out of my shell ) if i don't like someone, I'll tell them straight up.
Maybe give it time, depending on your age, it could be something to do with that, or even your life style the way you was brought up, could make you shy. Just make sure to be polite, smile at her, dress good, and don't forget to give her lovely comments Good luck my fellow friend.
tell all the sweetest words in the world... always be yourself so she may love and like the way you are...