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How do you establish if your relationship is official?





Denvis
What would you say or do to make it clear to person you like in an indirect way that we are in fact girlfriend and boyfriend?

I have a friend that said once the first date is over and you've asked to see them again, you are officially a couple (if they accept the second invitation).

or could it be the instant the person says...

Person A:"would you like to go out with me"
Person B:"yes i would like that"

that you are a couple...? but what happens if you don't make it clear that you're asking them out oppose to asking them out as friends? How do you make it clear that you like them without telling them directly?
Afaceinthematrix
After your next date, sleep with him/her. That always seems to make things "official." Or you could straight up ask. I remember asking this one girl after a couple of dates, "So are you my girlfriend or what?" And she said, "Yeah. I thought I had been that since our first date a few weeks ago." That worked out well. It shouldn't be that difficult... Communication is key to any good relationship and if you can't communicate something this simple then your relationship will fail anyways.
deanhills
I like Matrix's indirect way, as when it gets too heavy too soon, some people could get fearful and make a quick exit. Could be as "innocent" as asking the partner what their take is on relationships. Do they like relationships to be exclusive? Communication is of course very important, but too much of it too soon can also drive people away. Natural is usually the best, and also to take the cue from the other person as much as you can and whether it feels right to talk about it in any shape or form.
Denvis
deanhills wrote:
I like Matrix's indirect way, as when it gets too heavy too soon, some people could get fearful and make a quick exit. Could be as "innocent" as asking the partner what their take is on relationships. Do they like relationships to be exclusive? Communication is of course very important, but too much of it too soon can also drive people away. Natural is usually the best, and also to take the cue from the other person as much as you can and whether it feels right to talk about it in any shape or form.


Thanks deanhills. I've always try to escape saying something like what Afaceinthematrix would say. It doesn't feel right.
deanhills
Denvis wrote:
deanhills wrote:
I like Matrix's indirect way, as when it gets too heavy too soon, some people could get fearful and make a quick exit. Could be as "innocent" as asking the partner what their take is on relationships. Do they like relationships to be exclusive? Communication is of course very important, but too much of it too soon can also drive people away. Natural is usually the best, and also to take the cue from the other person as much as you can and whether it feels right to talk about it in any shape or form.


Thanks deanhills. I always try to escape saying something like what Afaceinthematrix would do. It doesn't feel right.
Perhaps that is the key then, it has to feel right for you. And perhaps one way to get to what feels right for you, is explore how others see it and to discover through their views what is not right for you, so that you finally get to what is right for you by a process of elimination. I sometimes find that when I write to someone and put the question and argument in it, that the answer already starts to take a form in the question that is written down, and then when someone replies, the answer can get better defined by the reply in two ways: what does not feel right, or what definitely feels right. Sometimes however it still feels murky though, especially when I feel slighly fearful or anxious of the outcome. Relationships at this stage are never easy, and in the end you are probably always the best judge to feel what is right for you.
Afaceinthematrix
Or if, like you said, you do not want to use a direct approach as I would, then you could just have one of your buddies go up to him/her and get in a conversation with him/her and then ask him/her if he/she is taken. That way you don't actually have to ask and it avoids the potentially awkward situation of one person thinking something is deeper than the other. So (I'll just assume you're a guy and she's a girl because I'm sick of all this him/her crap; I'm sorry for any gender mix-ups) just have one of your buddies go and up and get in a general conversation. Then, eventually, have him ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Easy solution...
mk12327
Afaceinthematrix wrote:
Or if, like you said, you do not want to use a direct approach as I would, then you could just have one of your buddies go up to him/her and get in a conversation with him/her and then ask him/her if he/she is taken. That way you don't actually have to ask and it avoids the potentially awkward situation of one person thinking something is deeper than the other. So (I'll just assume you're a guy and she's a girl because I'm sick of all this him/her crap; I'm sorry for any gender mix-ups) just have one of your buddies go and up and get in a general conversation. Then, eventually, have him ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Easy solution...


That is a good idea. Indirect, yet effective. Does the two of you use Facebook? Why not use the relationship status made available by the site itself? When you put her name under "In a relationship" with you, they send her a request to approve this move. If she does accept, then i guess it more or less means that she is "official" about the two of you being boyfriend and girlfriend.
PureReborn
[quote="mk12327"
That is a good idea. Indirect, yet effective. Does the two of you use Facebook? Why not use the relationship status made available by the site itself? When you put her name under "In a relationship" with you, they send her a request to approve this move. If she does accept, then i guess it more or less means that she is "official" about the two of you being boyfriend and girlfriend.[/quote]

lol Facebook official = real life official? The first 1 or 2 dates doesnt really count as official, thats more like testing the waters and see if theres a chance for a relationship, but once you are sure this is gonna be a while and tell your friends about it then it counts?
Afaceinthematrix
mk12327 wrote:
That is a good idea. Indirect, yet effective. Does the two of you use Facebook? Why not use the relationship status made available by the site itself? When you put her name under "In a relationship" with you, they send her a request to approve this move. If she does accept, then i guess it more or less means that she is "official" about the two of you being boyfriend and girlfriend.


I would definitely NOT suggest this. Do not do this over facebook for several reasons. If you put that you're in a relationship with her and it sends her the request and she doesn't feel that way (yet), then she'll just be weirded out and probably not want to talk to you anymore because it will be awkward. So then you lose the chick. The second reason why you do not want to do this is because if your communication with a girl sucks so much that you need to use facebook, then your relationship will fail anyways. That's why I still wouldn't even suggest my idea of having a buddy go and ask. That's teenager crap (I don't know what the age of the OP is, but I still don't suggest it). You need to learn to talk with the person that you're getting in a relationship with. Proper communication is vital to any relationship that you're interested in having not fail.
Denvis
Afaceinthematrix wrote:
Or if, like you said, you do not want to use a direct approach as I would, then you could just have one of your buddies go up to him/her and get in a conversation with him/her and then ask him/her if he/she is taken. That way you don't actually have to ask and it avoids the potentially awkward situation of one person thinking something is deeper than the other. So (I'll just assume you're a guy and she's a girl because I'm sick of all this him/her crap; I'm sorry for any gender mix-ups) just have one of your buddies go and up and get in a general conversation. Then, eventually, have him ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Easy solution...


Oh. Sorry I should had made it more clear. I'm a guy. I've been out with her as friends and I know she hasn't got a boyfriend so I don't need to go through the whole online facebook thing lol. In fact she told me she hasn't got a boyfriend so if that's saying something. I don't know :S

What I want to do is kind of move up from friendship to something more. Also, does asking them if they have a boyfriend give them the impression you like them in anyway? 'Cause to me it kind of does. Oh by the way. I'm a highschool student so I think that's 12 - 18 years of age.

And as for what mk12327 wrote. Sending them a relationship request over facebook. Thanks but no thanks.
mk12327
Haha... judging from the response given, I guess i gave a bad advice. Partly because i misunderstood the question? Originally i thought the feelings between you and the girl was mutual. But your later post seems to hint that you made assumptions. Not sure what other thinks, but what i see is that there are a lot more to work on.
iyepes
Most relationships develop with time, and it implies time together. If you want to deep a relationship, share time and activities with the other person, and it is valid for all kinds of relationships.

When is it appropriate to ask where the things are going?, I think that just in the moment that the doubt arrives to you. I had really hard time in the past when I thought that someone was building something with me, to find out he was building something, but with someone else. If I've asked, maybe I would have received a clear answer, and maybe it would have avoided the wenolongertalktoeachother part Razz
guggs
Familiar with the phrase "Keep It Simple, Stupid" ? Never more appropriate than here, as it spells KISS and that's the key, surely ?

Next time you're alone with her, tell her nicely & politely that you'd very much like to kiss her - if she says yes then you have a girlfriend, easy, and if she says no you may need a conversation about it but at least you've raised the subject.
Sachi
What? A Kiss? Well, it might look like a deeper relationship, very close to being together, but imho it isn't sth sure. Kiss is like permission for the next step in the future.

Give her more time - if she likes to: be with you, talk to you, hug you; if she is looking for your attention and appearance. If you talk with her every day - it looks really good.

Buy her some presents - it doesn't have to be expensive. More are better than one, but big. Send her sings before in this way. Than try to kiss her.
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