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Don't No What To Do?





yowhoa
Hey all,

K so here's the deal, there is this girl I met a couple summers ago... I liked her back then, ... when summer ended, I didnt see her or have any contact with her... During this time, I couldnt think of any girls sept her (even though I was not in contact with her in anyway). I ended up starting up a software project, and naming it after her... Not exactly sure what the reasoning behind it, other than I really liked the name... And it reminded me of her.

This past summer I met up with her again, and we got to know each other, for like 1 week I think she actually really liked me, we would stay up till 3 AM talking... every night. (One of the best weeks of my life). Unfortunately after about a week, I think she lost interest in me... And really thats typical of her, she loses interest in things really quickly... I dont know if she knew I liked her, but I'm pretty sure she did... At this point, I had her added on Facebook... And for the rest of the summer, I had to live with her updating her Facebook status with stuff about other guys... (This was literally killing me)

Anyways I was gonna spend alot of time in the summer working on this project, I had named after her like 4 months earlier... When I had no contact with her at all... But I ended up spending the whole summer distracted by her, and didnt get anything done.

After the past summer had ended, I was in contact with her for about a month but we didnt talk much... Then I guess it would have been october, I started talking to her again... And I thought I was getting somewhere, then suddenly I find out she has this guy over to her house that likes her... (I didnt know if she liked him), but I know I liked her longer and had stronger feelings for her then he did... Anyways, I am guessing I got really jealous at this point, and basically said I can't let the idea of her take up so much time on my mind... So I thought removing her from my life would be the best thing to for myself, as I needed to focus on other things so I removed her from Facebook and any other means I used to stay in contact with her... That lasted for about 2 months, until I started to find out she was really sad/mad that I removed contact from her.. I broke down, and tried to make it up to ... I created a really nice music video featuring her, and expressing my feelings towards her... and when she saw it, she said she was speechless..

I got back in contact with her, and I like before I think I fell back in love with her.. But I dont think she felt the same way, I have been trying to change her mind.. whenever I would invite to do something with me, like go see a movie, or hang out, she would always turn me down saying she is too busy or she is doing something... Finally when she dropped her laptop, I had my chance to see her I offered her one of the monitors I had laying around, (as her screen had broke)... I got to see her, hooked the baby up for her and all, and she was playing some music... I inquired as to how she can listen to music through laptop speakers (its crap)... Anyways about a week later, I went out and bought new speakers for mysellf... And planned out a whole scenerio about how I could give her my old usb speaker system... I had created a legit looking form "Monday Parcel Service" had one of my friends dress up like a delivery person, and deliver the package.. to her house, she knew the speakers were from me because, I was on her case about getting speakers.. but the whole process of getting them to her she said was Epic, and she realyl did like what I had done. But she was only really intrigued by that for a day or two..

And now we are at the present... I added her on facebook again, and pretty much as soon as I did she linked me to an album of edits she made of all her guy friends.. where she mentions how much she loves them and stuff.. and like she knows this makes me jealous and its what led to me removing contact with her before.. I am almost certain she asked me to look at this, just to get me annoyed... and possibly start a fight.. but I just said cool, and said that the photos were really good. And the last couple days whenever I try to strike up conversation with her its very "meh", she doesnt give me anything... and she doesnt care whats new with me anyways.. so I cant get anywhere with the conversations. Another thing I noticed which I think she was trying to do to get me to dislike her.. she believes in making a wish at 11:11, so I was talking to her about superstitution and stuff and she said her Grandma, was really into that stuff and had books on it.. so I was like superstition or witchcraft? and stuff I was kinda joking about the witchcraft and she knows I was ... but then she went on to say her whole family is into that stuff, I think she was trieng to alienate myself.. or soemthing. But I knew she was lieing.

Anywho so back to that project that I started up in her name about a year ago... I havent told her about it, I tried to so many times but she would never give me chance in person to show her... A few of my friends that know her, know about my project... THey havent told her about it luckily, but I want to tell/show her soon so that something doesnt slip up, or worst of all one of them show her. (their is a huge weight on my shoulders atm because of this).. So my birthday is coming up, and me and my friends were goign to go out for supper then chill at my place for a bit, I'm gonna invite her... And if she does come then, I am gonna show her the project (that I have spent the past year developing, and have invested quite a bit of money into)... I dont know how she will respond to this, i'm kinda afraid I will alienate her doing it.. or scare her.. or in the worst case creep her out..

So for those of you that are still around... after reading all that Razz... My question(s) is that the right thing to do? To show her the project and tell her about it? I have a strong feeling she is gonna try and get out of coming to my party, I dont know what I could to convince her to come. I've liked her for more than a year and half now... to the point that my whole life is focused around her, I cant do anything without thinking of her.. THinking of what I could say to her, or what I could do to make her happy or like me...

Ugh, i've actually never felt this way about anyone...

Apart of me thinks cutting her out of my life is the best thing for me, but I really dont know, I almost know for certain if I were to ask her out she would say no... And I dont wanna ask her out during a time like that, I want to ask her out at a time when she might say yes.

Help me!
deanhills
This may not be what you like to hear. I see in reading this story a very special person (you of course) and someone who cannot appreciate you. Bottomline, she just isn't that much into you. If she had been, you would have been in a roaring relationship by now. Nothing as great for her ego as someone who is crazy about her so from that point of view apparently you are handy to have around. Just such a tremendous waste though, as I am more than 100% certain that there is a girl around that is a million times better than she is, just waiting for someone like you. The part of her that you are crazy about exists mostly in your imagination, a yearning for your "dream girl", perhaps you could even call it Project Dream Girl. Maybe because of her unavailability, it could also have become an unrealistic addiction of sorts. I think your earlier action of removing all contact with her and taking down your Facebook and closing projects is the best solution. She probably may try and play you again by pushing your guilt buttons, as she seems to be good with that, but there has to be a "time out" point as she obviously likes to play games, and she will continue to do so for as long as you know her and give her that power.
yowhoa
@ deanhills, i've heard that before... It's terrible to think that might be true, and could possibly be devastating to me if it is true.


... however this story has one more twist... Which I was reluctant to mention as I don't think it matters, but perhaps it could explain some things... I'm 16 and she's 13, before you say whoa... you must understand that she seems alot more mature than that, her vocabulary, and the way she talks is alot more mature than that more like 14/15... And she looks like she is 14/15. (She's only a little shorter than me).

I've thought of this before as a possible explanation.. but I dont know how viable it is.. When your younger, around her age, (atleast from what I remember).. You're very picky about who you like or you'd like to go out with. I remember when I was her age, a girl liked me.. but I liked a different girl, and wouldnt even give the other girl that liked me a chance... After I got over the girl I liked, I realized what a mistake I made.. As the girl that liked me was a really nice girl. As you get older, even only a few years later, your standards lower, and a wider audience of people become "options" in your mind. Perhaps she is too narrow minded at her age?
mk12327
yowhoa wrote:
I've thought of this before as a possible explanation.. but I dont know how viable it is.. When your younger, around her age, (atleast from what I remember).. You're very picky about who you like or you'd like to go out with. I remember when I was her age, a girl liked me.. but I liked a different girl, and wouldnt even give the other girl that liked me a chance... After I got over the girl I liked, I realized what a mistake I made.. As the girl that liked me was a really nice girl. As you get older, even only a few years later, your standards lower, and a wider audience of people become "options" in your mind. Perhaps she is too narrow minded at her age?


I wouldn't rule that out as a possibility. In fact, that very much reflects what deanhills had suggested. I think it could have been her age and maturity that is causing her to act as the way she is. She might not even know it herself that she is "playing" you. Although i do agree with deanhills that breaking all contact is the best way to eventually free yourself from keep thinking of her (something like going cold turkey), not everyone is able to hold long enough to "kick the addiction". And when you fall prey to your feelings and give it (like the other time), your addiction will only be stronger.

Given the time and effort you had put in to get contacted with her again, at this point i would not suggest that you cease contact again. I have no opinion about showing her the program you did, but be warned that she might not appreciate as much of what you did as you expected.
yowhoa
mk12327 wrote:
yowhoa wrote:
I've thought of this before as a possible explanation.. but I dont know how viable it is.. When your younger, around her age, (atleast from what I remember).. You're very picky about who you like or you'd like to go out with. I remember when I was her age, a girl liked me.. but I liked a different girl, and wouldnt even give the other girl that liked me a chance... After I got over the girl I liked, I realized what a mistake I made.. As the girl that liked me was a really nice girl. As you get older, even only a few years later, your standards lower, and a wider audience of people become "options" in your mind. Perhaps she is too narrow minded at her age?


I wouldn't rule that out as a possibility. In fact, that very much reflects what deanhills had suggested. I think it could have been her age and maturity that is causing her to act as the way she is. She might not even know it herself that she is "playing" you. Although i do agree with deanhills that breaking all contact is the best way to eventually free yourself from keep thinking of her (something like going cold turkey), not everyone is able to hold long enough to "kick the addiction". And when you fall prey to your feelings and give it (like the other time), your addiction will only be stronger.

Given the time and effort you had put in to get contacted with her again, at this point i would not suggest that you cease contact again. I have no opinion about showing her the program you did, but be warned that she might not appreciate as much of what you did as you expected.



Atm, i'm kind of concerned that I might have gone to far with some things... And if I were to show her the software project, I started up a year ago, and recently started investing alot of money in moving it forward... I might scare her away Confused
mk12327
I think you did gone too far with things. Time to cut down? Somehow i have a feeling showing her might scare her away, in fact she might already started to feel awkward and thus the cold shoulder.

Do the software project work fine on its own other than the fact that it is named after her? What does the software do anyway? Well, i guess if you develop the project because of interest for the development then it is totally fine to continue with it. However, if you putting money and resources on it was because it is named after her, then i think it would be a good idea to set a scope and deadline to complete the project. Once the project is completed, maybe it might help in relieving some of your problems.
yowhoa
mk12327 wrote:
I think you did gone too far with things. Time to cut down? Somehow i have a feeling showing her might scare her away, in fact she might already started to feel awkward and thus the cold shoulder.

Do the software project work fine on its own other than the fact that it is named after her? What does the software do anyway? Well, i guess if you develop the project because of interest for the development then it is totally fine to continue with it. However, if you putting money and resources on it was because it is named after her, then i think it would be a good idea to set a scope and deadline to complete the project. Once the project is completed, maybe it might help in relieving some of your problems.


The project, is a server development project... A safe & secure automated setup between apache/php/mysql/ftp/suphp/ all that good stuff and it has a web interface for managing the server and setting up accounts and stuff... I put money into it to continue to develop it, the fact that its named after her is somewhat troublesome, as I am being forced to keep it on the down low from alot of my friends (and the reverse is true, keeping her on the dl from people that know the project)... Like I could rename it, (even though I love the name it has right now).. if I were to rename it I would need to buy a new set of domain names (50$ worth)... not sure if its worth it in the long run..

I've been developing this with a few developers for the past year, and it will probably continue to be developed for the next year or two... Depending on whether I can get it onto the market, I may be making money off it for quite a while...




Confused
mk12327
From your reply it seems to me that your project is totally standalone from her other than the fact that it has the same name as the girl. From a financial point of view, it would be more viable to keep the domain names. Did you tell your friends specifically that the software was named after her, or that they only know the software name but you did not admit it? If it was not declared as dedicated to her, there is no reason to puposefully hiding or announcing the software. Just be natural about it.

Train your mind to separate the girl and the software. Treat them as different entities. That would probably make yourself less miserable.
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