Alright fella's I need some opinions. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I care alot about, she doesnt have many girlfriends but has more guys wanting to be with her than I can count. We're both 20, but she knows the owners of quite a few bars in town and gets into them without problem. She goes, and I cant. The thing is she is going with these guys that want her, and try to kiss her everytime. I dont want to tell her that she cant go do that anymore, but at the same time its really eating at me. She is very aware that it eats at me, but doesnt seem to make much of an effort to do anything about it. Im very good about not getting close to other girls, or hang out with girls one on one just out of respect for her... Meh I dont know, what do you guys think I should do?
GF hangs out with lots of other guys
I'm not going to tell you to dump her, but having had your experience 4 times previously in my life, I can tell you that I was never able to work it out. Plus being nice to her, and respecting her will never get her to knock off the behavior. Sad but true.
What will make you even more sick is that if you stay friends with her, even after the two of you break it off, the man that will eventually get her to stop the playing around will be the one that TREATS HER LIKE CRAP!! Yup, all 4 of the exceptionally beautiful women that I had relationships with, and they were always out with LOTS of other guys, and had no girl friends, ended up with guys that were emotional freaks, screamed at them, would grabbed and shake them and throw them around. Seemed to me that the only way to get them to knock off the flirty behavior was to beat them into submission, because respecting them and asking them to consider my feelings only made the behavior worse. Then to later see them with a guy that treated them like crap, screamed at them, called slut and ******, smacked them, made huge scenes in bars and public places were the ones that they finally married or stayed with long term
Go Figure?
I'm still friends with one of them to this day, she eventually got past 3 ugly abusive relationships after ours, and found a good man, and is married with 2 boys. She is also the VP of the company she works for, and has managed to excel professionally over the last 15 years I've known her.
A little history, she is a drop dead gorgeous red head with stunning blue eyes, and has a great figure, even at 42 years old with 2 children, I met her 19 years ago, I was 8 years older than her, and she early 20's at the time, I was 31. We got along great, we were like sister and brother more than lovers, and she told me all kinds of very personal things.
Even though our relationship only lasted 6 months, the brother and sister thing remains to this day, and she tells me things that she would tell no one else.
Here is some of her confessions - 1) She was totally insecure about her looks, and the having hords of guy friends "that really wanted her" was her way of constantly reassuring herself that she was good looking. 2) because she did sleep around a lot, she hated having female freinds because she was afraid that they would think she was a slut, and undermine her flirting with men, by telling them how shallow she really was. 3) she also hated having female friends because they would get jealous of her looks, AND they would get very jealous of her flirting and touchy feely kissing with as many guys as she could act that way with, and it would really cause problems if one of the flirty guys was with one of her girl friends. 4) she also felt that jealousy, anger, and rage were displays of affection. In other words, if she flirted, hugged, kissed, and possibly even slept around, and her man did not get angry and rage at her in jealous fits, she felt he didn't love her enough. She also confessed that she loved to make them jealous and angry and loved to control them, and play with their heads and make them feel like crap, she thought it was funny that they would get all depressed and upset when she was out with her guy friends.
She told me about 2 years ago, that it was because I never reacted to any of her crap that she felt that I didn't love her, and that our brother sister thing was why she trusted me, and has always talked to me about all sorts of things that she never talks to anyone else about. She explained that I helped her a lot with all of her screwy behavior and that because of the things that I told her she was able to get past a lot of her messed up thinking and get a life.
She told me right before she got married to her husband NOW of 10 years that some of the things I told her changed her life - they were "Some day you will grow old, and your looks will fade, and if having people reassure you that you are good looking is what defines you, you'll be lost. Define yourself with something beyond your looks but that is in your heart, like something you love to do". I also told her, that everyone, no matter what they look like, has something special to offer, and is a gift to the world around them, and that is NOT dependent on looks - hell look at Steven Hawkins, and what he has given the world
And last but not least, it is your heart that defines you, and the joy you take from giving pleasure to the world and helping those, that are your friends, family, and loved ones. I asked her, "is that how you want to go through life, making those that love you, feel like crap, feel jealous, upset, and inferior, while you build your ego with shallow persuits like having a whole bunch of men around you that want you because you are good looking, or do you want to go through life helping people to feel better about themselves, find happiness, find inner peace?" the choice is yours, like it is mine, and everyone elses 
Because in the end everyone dies, some of us grow old, and all the things of youth pass, along with beauty, but what remains is the things with heart, those that you did to help others, and where you worked to make a difference in the world. Having hord of men that want to screw you because you are "good looking" and playing up on that, is shallow at best, and destructive at worst!
Your courage now, is to not let it affect or destroy you, follow your heart and stay centered, which is easier said than done!
Good luck with her, and I will also tell you in closing, that no matter how it turns out for you, she will always have a place in your heart......this is coming from an old man
What will make you even more sick is that if you stay friends with her, even after the two of you break it off, the man that will eventually get her to stop the playing around will be the one that TREATS HER LIKE CRAP!! Yup, all 4 of the exceptionally beautiful women that I had relationships with, and they were always out with LOTS of other guys, and had no girl friends, ended up with guys that were emotional freaks, screamed at them, would grabbed and shake them and throw them around. Seemed to me that the only way to get them to knock off the flirty behavior was to beat them into submission, because respecting them and asking them to consider my feelings only made the behavior worse. Then to later see them with a guy that treated them like crap, screamed at them, called slut and ******, smacked them, made huge scenes in bars and public places were the ones that they finally married or stayed with long term
Go Figure?
I'm still friends with one of them to this day, she eventually got past 3 ugly abusive relationships after ours, and found a good man, and is married with 2 boys. She is also the VP of the company she works for, and has managed to excel professionally over the last 15 years I've known her.
A little history, she is a drop dead gorgeous red head with stunning blue eyes, and has a great figure, even at 42 years old with 2 children, I met her 19 years ago, I was 8 years older than her, and she early 20's at the time, I was 31. We got along great, we were like sister and brother more than lovers, and she told me all kinds of very personal things.
Even though our relationship only lasted 6 months, the brother and sister thing remains to this day, and she tells me things that she would tell no one else.
Here is some of her confessions - 1) She was totally insecure about her looks, and the having hords of guy friends "that really wanted her" was her way of constantly reassuring herself that she was good looking. 2) because she did sleep around a lot, she hated having female freinds because she was afraid that they would think she was a slut, and undermine her flirting with men, by telling them how shallow she really was. 3) she also hated having female friends because they would get jealous of her looks, AND they would get very jealous of her flirting and touchy feely kissing with as many guys as she could act that way with, and it would really cause problems if one of the flirty guys was with one of her girl friends. 4) she also felt that jealousy, anger, and rage were displays of affection. In other words, if she flirted, hugged, kissed, and possibly even slept around, and her man did not get angry and rage at her in jealous fits, she felt he didn't love her enough. She also confessed that she loved to make them jealous and angry and loved to control them, and play with their heads and make them feel like crap, she thought it was funny that they would get all depressed and upset when she was out with her guy friends.
She told me about 2 years ago, that it was because I never reacted to any of her crap that she felt that I didn't love her, and that our brother sister thing was why she trusted me, and has always talked to me about all sorts of things that she never talks to anyone else about. She explained that I helped her a lot with all of her screwy behavior and that because of the things that I told her she was able to get past a lot of her messed up thinking and get a life.
She told me right before she got married to her husband NOW of 10 years that some of the things I told her changed her life - they were "Some day you will grow old, and your looks will fade, and if having people reassure you that you are good looking is what defines you, you'll be lost. Define yourself with something beyond your looks but that is in your heart, like something you love to do". I also told her, that everyone, no matter what they look like, has something special to offer, and is a gift to the world around them, and that is NOT dependent on looks - hell look at Steven Hawkins, and what he has given the world
And last but not least, it is your heart that defines you, and the joy you take from giving pleasure to the world and helping those, that are your friends, family, and loved ones. I asked her, "is that how you want to go through life, making those that love you, feel like crap, feel jealous, upset, and inferior, while you build your ego with shallow persuits like having a whole bunch of men around you that want you because you are good looking, or do you want to go through life helping people to feel better about themselves, find happiness, find inner peace?" the choice is yours, like it is mine, and everyone elses Because in the end everyone dies, some of us grow old, and all the things of youth pass, along with beauty, but what remains is the things with heart, those that you did to help others, and where you worked to make a difference in the world. Having hord of men that want to screw you because you are "good looking" and playing up on that, is shallow at best, and destructive at worst!
Your courage now, is to not let it affect or destroy you, follow your heart and stay centered, which is easier said than done!
Good luck with her, and I will also tell you in closing, that no matter how it turns out for you, she will always have a place in your heart......this is coming from an old man
That's a great post BigGeek. That pretty much sums up that kind of female behaviour. When I was still single, I always thought I could spot an insecure girl a mile away. I'd admire her beauty, but stayed away from her as much as possible. Insecurity can make a girl do all sorts of crazy stuff, most specially when they think they deserve to be treated in a certain way (VIP treatment, if I may) just cause they're gorgeous.
First of all, examine a few things:
1 - Bar owners let her in underage. Why don't they let you in? Because they "can't"? Or because they "won't"? Obviously they can, if they let her in. So the bar owners choose not to let you in, and your girlfriend chooses not to help you get in. That would make me suspicious.
2 - She goes to these bars that don't let you in, with guys that want her(she knows it), and she doesn't seem to think there's a problem with that? She also doesn't seem to think there's a problem with being in a place which breaks the law to let her in, but refuses to let you in, with guys who try to kiss her? Not good.
3 - She hangs out with mostly guys. That's not really a big deal on the surface, many girls are like this. But, the guys she is associating with try to kiss her, which is disrespectful of the fact that she is in a relationship. It's also a show of disrespect to you, on her part, for continuing to associate with guys like this. Another bad sign.
I won't go too far into what I think her problem is, I will say only that I think she craves the kind of attention that she is getting from these guys. The fact that she disregards your feelings about it is, to me, very bad. Even if you hadn't said anything about it, she has to know that you aren't comfortable with her going to bars that refuse to let you in with guys who are obviously trying to 'hook up' with her. I don't see this ending in a good way, unless you do something about it. She is an adult, and can do as she likes, so you can't really tell her to stop.
What I would do, is ask her how she would feel if the tables were turned. If you were going to bars that wouldn't let her in, with a group of girls that wanted to sleep with you and were not afraid to show it. I imagine she would be pretty pissed. It might make her think twice about the way she treats you.
And people wonder why I like being single.
1 - Bar owners let her in underage. Why don't they let you in? Because they "can't"? Or because they "won't"? Obviously they can, if they let her in. So the bar owners choose not to let you in, and your girlfriend chooses not to help you get in. That would make me suspicious.
2 - She goes to these bars that don't let you in, with guys that want her(she knows it), and she doesn't seem to think there's a problem with that? She also doesn't seem to think there's a problem with being in a place which breaks the law to let her in, but refuses to let you in, with guys who try to kiss her? Not good.
3 - She hangs out with mostly guys. That's not really a big deal on the surface, many girls are like this. But, the guys she is associating with try to kiss her, which is disrespectful of the fact that she is in a relationship. It's also a show of disrespect to you, on her part, for continuing to associate with guys like this. Another bad sign.
I won't go too far into what I think her problem is, I will say only that I think she craves the kind of attention that she is getting from these guys. The fact that she disregards your feelings about it is, to me, very bad. Even if you hadn't said anything about it, she has to know that you aren't comfortable with her going to bars that refuse to let you in with guys who are obviously trying to 'hook up' with her. I don't see this ending in a good way, unless you do something about it. She is an adult, and can do as she likes, so you can't really tell her to stop.
What I would do, is ask her how she would feel if the tables were turned. If you were going to bars that wouldn't let her in, with a group of girls that wanted to sleep with you and were not afraid to show it. I imagine she would be pretty pissed. It might make her think twice about the way she treats you.
And people wonder why I like being single.
Without knowing the situation in full, i would say your girlfriend is a flirt, and likes the male attention
I dont think she is cheating on you or kissing the other guys or anything, but the male attention makes her feel good, knowing that she can still attract other guys even though she is with you
If it is "eating" at you like you say, you have to tell her to stop, or at least be allowed to come along, otherwise your relationship is doomed to fail
I dont think she is cheating on you or kissing the other guys or anything, but the male attention makes her feel good, knowing that she can still attract other guys even though she is with you
If it is "eating" at you like you say, you have to tell her to stop, or at least be allowed to come along, otherwise your relationship is doomed to fail
| Hondaridr58 wrote: |
| Alright fella's I need some opinions. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I care alot about, she doesnt have many girlfriends but has more guys wanting to be with her than I can count. We're both 20, but she knows the owners of quite a few bars in town and gets into them without problem. She goes, and I cant. The thing is she is going with these guys that want her, and try to kiss her everytime. I dont want to tell her that she cant go do that anymore, but at the same time its really eating at me. She is very aware that it eats at me, but doesnt seem to make much of an effort to do anything about it. Im very good about not getting close to other girls, or hang out with girls one on one just out of respect for her... Meh I dont know, what do you guys think I should do? |
It's not a very good situation, but not that bad either.
The first option is to report those bar owners to the police of letting young people in. I'm pretty sure you won't think about it.
But the other thing is, while all those older men try kissing her, you are the one she's with. You win, they lose.
Of course you must show you care, so bother talking to her a bit about it. Tell her that you like her a lot, and that it's a very uncomfortable situation when she gets in a bar you can't, specially when you're dealing with a dangerous fauna.
Last edited by Da Rossa on Tue Oct 06, 2009 6:53 am; edited 1 time in total
I think you should "dump" her. Tell her what you would like in a girlfriend, that obviously she is not that kind of girl, as she likes to hang out with other guys, you would like your girl to be your girl. You don't want to infringe on her freedom, so would like her to get on with her life as she pleases. You would also like to get on with your life as it pleases you.
Then get on with your life, go out and make new friends. There is a very good chance that she is going to pay attention, if she is at all serious about you. If she is serious about you, she will put up a fight and make an effort to save the relationship. If she does not pay attention, then you would have secured the best position for yourself. You will then know for sure that she is not the right girl for you, and she is not really that much into you.
Then get on with your life, go out and make new friends. There is a very good chance that she is going to pay attention, if she is at all serious about you. If she is serious about you, she will put up a fight and make an effort to save the relationship. If she does not pay attention, then you would have secured the best position for yourself. You will then know for sure that she is not the right girl for you, and she is not really that much into you.
I'm with basically all you guys. If you girl know that you are feeling tough about her meeting and seeing other guys and doesn't want to do a damn thing about it, it also (might) reflect the thing that she really doesn't care about you that much. I'm sure the problem isn't in you because I've lived through a stage of life with almost the same problem. I had a relationship with this girl when I was 16 and when we arranged for a date in town, she just called me that she is with her friend and is gonna be late for an hour. Ok, I said, I'll wait for you. The hour passed by and no sign of her. I call her and she tells that it's gonna be an hour more. And when we finally met, we didn't have that much time to spend with each other. It made me jealous and angry and finally I made the decision to dump her and that was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Now I'm in a very healthy, longterm relationship with the love of my life and I have intention to leave her ever.
Hope you find a solution to your problem
Greetings from Finland.
Sincererly yours, Tero.
Now I'm in a very healthy, longterm relationship with the love of my life and I have intention to leave her ever.
Hope you find a solution to your problem
Greetings from Finland.
Sincererly yours, Tero.
big geek summed it up....shes gonna end up with some ******
| Hondaridr58 wrote: |
| Alright fella's I need some opinions. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I care alot about, she doesnt have many girlfriends but has more guys wanting to be with her than I can count. We're both 20, but she knows the owners of quite a few bars in town and gets into them without problem. She goes, and I cant. The thing is she is going with these guys that want her, and try to kiss her everytime. I dont want to tell her that she cant go do that anymore, but at the same time its really eating at me. She is very aware that it eats at me, but doesnt seem to make much of an effort to do anything about it. Im very good about not getting close to other girls, or hang out with girls one on one just out of respect for her... Meh I dont know, what do you guys think I should do? |
try not to think more about it
I think you have some choices...
1) You can dump her... and she'll probably end up with someone else and have a miserable life. Then focus on becoming successful and there are plenty more fish in the sea.
2) You can keep going... and why expect any different result?
-or-
3) You can do something spontaneous... something that reaffirms your love and desire for her. Something out of the ordinary. I don't mean to imply anything, but obviously if she's still looking it means she's not 100% happy with you. Probably, you're boring. But it could be a lot of reasons.
And I don't mean just like dinner and a movie. I mean, something you're never ever done before. Something to amaze her, surprise her, and get her absolutely ecstatic about you.
1) You can dump her... and she'll probably end up with someone else and have a miserable life. Then focus on becoming successful and there are plenty more fish in the sea.
2) You can keep going... and why expect any different result?
-or-
3) You can do something spontaneous... something that reaffirms your love and desire for her. Something out of the ordinary. I don't mean to imply anything, but obviously if she's still looking it means she's not 100% happy with you. Probably, you're boring. But it could be a lot of reasons.
And I don't mean just like dinner and a movie. I mean, something you're never ever done before. Something to amaze her, surprise her, and get her absolutely ecstatic about you.
Thanks alot for all of your input guys, I appreciate it , and Big Geek, that was quite the response, very wise words, thank you. I ended up talking to her more about it, I basically said "I really like you alot, but I cant deal with you going out with guys anymore, you wouldnt like it if I went out with Ashley, would you? " (Ashley is my friend of a long time who has always liked me) after a few moments of silence, she looked at me and said "You know what.... your absolutely right. There really is nothing im actually getting out of these guys besides attention, and you give me plenty. Plus I WOULDN'T deal with you doing this, so this is completely unfair. Im sorry babe, it wont happen anymore."... 
I was completely stunned. Since I said that, she hasnt gone out, hasn't been flirty and I couldn't be happier. Oh man, If things would just stay like this....
I was completely stunned. Since I said that, she hasnt gone out, hasn't been flirty and I couldn't be happier. Oh man, If things would just stay like this....| Hondaridr58 wrote: |
| Alright fella's I need some opinions. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I care alot about, she doesnt have many girlfriends but has more guys wanting to be with her than I can count. We're both 20, but she knows the owners of quite a few bars in town and gets into them without problem. She goes, and I cant. The thing is she is going with these guys that want her, and try to kiss her everytime. I dont want to tell her that she cant go do that anymore, but at the same time its really eating at me. She is very aware that it eats at me, but doesnt seem to make much of an effort to do anything about it. Im very good about not getting close to other girls, or hang out with girls one on one just out of respect for her... Meh I dont know, what do you guys think I should do? |
I understand you like her, but as a girl who has friends that act like that with their boyfriends I can tell you that she won't change and she sure as hell doesn't have the same amount of respect for you that you have for her...Maybe you should seriously talk to her about this.
YOU COUNT FOR SOMETHING HERE TOO! Stand up for yourself, that your feelings matter too. Odds are that will piss her off. She likes having you on a string wrapped around her little finger. Does she use guilt trips to keep you in line?
Dude, wake up. If she's out drinking with a bunch of other guys there's more then just kissing going on. Her and at least one guy in each bar are sexually enticing each other and sooner or later if not already will act on those urges during a good drunk. That's what happens in bars and after hours parties.
If somebody wants to be with you, they will be. You will never change anyone other than yourself.
She is having fun and has a lot to learn and experience. You're a backup plan. A lot of people keep 3 scripts going. Their current signifigant other, thier back up old flame and their next future ex.
If you really want to get into bars, learn how to play an instrument and join a band. Bass guitar is probably the easiest. You'll have tons of chicks flirting with you then.
Dude, wake up. If she's out drinking with a bunch of other guys there's more then just kissing going on. Her and at least one guy in each bar are sexually enticing each other and sooner or later if not already will act on those urges during a good drunk. That's what happens in bars and after hours parties.
If somebody wants to be with you, they will be. You will never change anyone other than yourself.
She is having fun and has a lot to learn and experience. You're a backup plan. A lot of people keep 3 scripts going. Their current signifigant other, thier back up old flame and their next future ex.
If you really want to get into bars, learn how to play an instrument and join a band. Bass guitar is probably the easiest. You'll have tons of chicks flirting with you then.
| Hondaridr58 wrote: |
| Thanks alot for all of your input guys, I appreciate it , and Big Geek, that was quite the response, very wise words, thank you. I ended up talking to her more about it, I basically said "I really like you alot, but I cant deal with you going out with guys anymore, you wouldnt like it if I went out with Ashley, would you? " (Ashley is my friend of a long time who has always liked me) after a few moments of silence, she looked at me and said "You know what.... your absolutely right. There really is nothing im actually getting out of these guys besides attention, and you give me plenty. Plus I WOULDN'T deal with you doing this, so this is completely unfair. Im sorry babe, it wont happen anymore."... I was completely stunned. Since I said that, she hasnt gone out, hasn't been flirty and I couldn't be happier. Oh man, If things would just stay like this.... |
WOW, I'm impressed that she would be so considerate of your feelings. You might have yourself a good relationship there!!! Two people that can actually step back and put themselves in the shoes of their partner, and honestly consider the other person's feelings is a rare and special thing. If the two of you can keep that up, and work on life together, you just might have a productive relationship.
Hope it works out for the two of you
is the beauty worth the pain? Girls like this tend to really bug me. It seems to be the really fine lookin ones who are the worst at it. There is more to love than beauty though 
Not saying I wouldn't endure a little pain for a pretty girl! It all depends on where Your limits lay. lie? lye? I dunno.
Not saying I wouldn't endure a little pain for a pretty girl! It all depends on where Your limits lay. lie? lye? I dunno.I read every single entry before mine and each and every one of them were the same. Someone telling you about when they failed and the way it is like how you're going to fail. Read the 48 Laws of Power - stay away from failure and those who are awash in it...because it's contagious. Right now you have not failed, but you have developed a bad habit.
They claim you have two choices... dump her or live with it. Anytime you like to see things this way there are two choices. You can always dismiss the thousands of other choices and leave yourself two unpleasant ones so you can fail and it not be your fault.
It might not have been your fault before because you could have claimed ignorance. You can't claim ignorance any longer. Now, after finishing this post, if you fail, you will have done so willfully and can blame no one but yourself. You see, before you did not understand how women work, but now I'm going to give you the opportunity to control any woman and have her thank you for it.
Your GF is exhibiting normal behavior. You have been okay up til now but have done nothing great. Don't let others who claim that beautiful women will only really fall for "bad boys" convince you. Yes, they only fall for bad boys that's not what I don't want you to let them convince you of... you see everyone of these guys is afraid of that girl, afraid of becoming the bad boy that she will revel in, and they are afraid of making any real changes. They have many reasons to cover their fear. Listen to them if you like... I'm only asking you to answer one question... what do you want? Not, what are you afraid of... what do you want?
If you want beautiful women to lose control around you, then you're going to have to make a change in the way you see these things. Change your Environment... since you are around her it will also change her environment. Her new environment will control her instincts. Because it's instincts that tell her who she wants to be around... and right now that isn't you. You make her feel secure... but that's NOT your job. The need to make a woman feel secure comes from insecurity. Her mind isn't aware of that... but you can be damn sure her instincts are. That's why she has no problem leaving you and going to the club...
This is where you can begin...
#1 - You do not care if she goes to the club. But if she does... you can't be seen as waiting around for her. You must "punish" her by doing something more fun than she is doing. Never become angry or irrational... that just takes you 2 steps backwards. Instead pretend what she did never happened. No matter what she did. Don't ask about it, when she brings it up change the subject.
The reason she brings it up is something called a Compliance Test... she wants to gauge your reaction. Don't have one. As an Alpha Male you don't have reactions to her stuff... you don't even care about your stuff. All the other guys fall over themselves to listen to her and react how they think she wants them to. But the guy she will feel attracted to will not react at all.
How do you do something that was more fun than her? Lie. If you find like most "nice guys" that you don't want to do that... simply be unavailable to her for that night and the next day by not being where she is and not answering her phone calls... then if she asks why... simply don't answer. She will assume the worst which is the best and you will have accomplished what you needed to accomplish without lying. Or, if possible, do something more fun than she is doing. This usually isn't possible with guys in your position because if you were able to have this kind of fun it would be because you were NOT this kind of needy guy. So you're back to A and B anyway.
#2 - Don't avoid other girls. If you're with her ALWAYS take another girl's call. Don't explain who the other girl is. Don't answer her questions... just say something like, "Mind your own business." Say it nicely if you need to. Don't worry you'll work up to being brusque. I know, you're afraid to do this. Think about this... all the other guys who have answered here were afraid too. Do you want to end up with a horror story answering other guys' questions about relationships with your own horror stories (this one) or do you want to win? I do this for a living... i KNOW what I'm talking about because I've seen it work with a few hundred other guys... can any of them say that? They are guessing... do you really want to take that chance?
#3 - Break plans with her. Try not to explain. Don't get angry, defensive, or abusive. Don't display any emotion other than "it's cool, no big deal" and you'll be fine. If she questions you, just playfully laugh and say, "nosy." or "I love how you want to know everything I do." then walk off. IT IS NOT A CONTEST. She will be able to tell (instinctively) if you are trying to 1-up her. (besides that is just bragging and bragging will drag you down fast!) Instead, stick to the plan. Know that you need to not care (not because it's right or anything stupid like that... but because that is how you win!) and anything she asks you, you must try to avoid answering while not caring.
#4 - NEVER try to create "connections". You know remind her what a special thing you have, look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her, remind her of the first time you made love, anything like that. You must allow her to create connections or they are worthless to her. Sure, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she will go through the motions... but she isn't feeling what you are feeling. Just the way it works... I didn't make the rules. If she drags it out of you, by badgering you and crying and such you might say, "I guess I love you." or "I might love you." or "well, I care about you a lot." but then you immediately wash it all away with... "but what does it matter?" and walk away. Then she will try to make the connections and that way the connections will mean something to her... until you acknowledge them. So never fully acknowledge them and when you do immediately take them away again as I just did.
I do this for a living.
Trust me.
They claim you have two choices... dump her or live with it. Anytime you like to see things this way there are two choices. You can always dismiss the thousands of other choices and leave yourself two unpleasant ones so you can fail and it not be your fault.
It might not have been your fault before because you could have claimed ignorance. You can't claim ignorance any longer. Now, after finishing this post, if you fail, you will have done so willfully and can blame no one but yourself. You see, before you did not understand how women work, but now I'm going to give you the opportunity to control any woman and have her thank you for it.
Your GF is exhibiting normal behavior. You have been okay up til now but have done nothing great. Don't let others who claim that beautiful women will only really fall for "bad boys" convince you. Yes, they only fall for bad boys that's not what I don't want you to let them convince you of... you see everyone of these guys is afraid of that girl, afraid of becoming the bad boy that she will revel in, and they are afraid of making any real changes. They have many reasons to cover their fear. Listen to them if you like... I'm only asking you to answer one question... what do you want? Not, what are you afraid of... what do you want?
If you want beautiful women to lose control around you, then you're going to have to make a change in the way you see these things. Change your Environment... since you are around her it will also change her environment. Her new environment will control her instincts. Because it's instincts that tell her who she wants to be around... and right now that isn't you. You make her feel secure... but that's NOT your job. The need to make a woman feel secure comes from insecurity. Her mind isn't aware of that... but you can be damn sure her instincts are. That's why she has no problem leaving you and going to the club...
This is where you can begin...
#1 - You do not care if she goes to the club. But if she does... you can't be seen as waiting around for her. You must "punish" her by doing something more fun than she is doing. Never become angry or irrational... that just takes you 2 steps backwards. Instead pretend what she did never happened. No matter what she did. Don't ask about it, when she brings it up change the subject.
The reason she brings it up is something called a Compliance Test... she wants to gauge your reaction. Don't have one. As an Alpha Male you don't have reactions to her stuff... you don't even care about your stuff. All the other guys fall over themselves to listen to her and react how they think she wants them to. But the guy she will feel attracted to will not react at all.
How do you do something that was more fun than her? Lie. If you find like most "nice guys" that you don't want to do that... simply be unavailable to her for that night and the next day by not being where she is and not answering her phone calls... then if she asks why... simply don't answer. She will assume the worst which is the best and you will have accomplished what you needed to accomplish without lying. Or, if possible, do something more fun than she is doing. This usually isn't possible with guys in your position because if you were able to have this kind of fun it would be because you were NOT this kind of needy guy. So you're back to A and B anyway.
#2 - Don't avoid other girls. If you're with her ALWAYS take another girl's call. Don't explain who the other girl is. Don't answer her questions... just say something like, "Mind your own business." Say it nicely if you need to. Don't worry you'll work up to being brusque. I know, you're afraid to do this. Think about this... all the other guys who have answered here were afraid too. Do you want to end up with a horror story answering other guys' questions about relationships with your own horror stories (this one) or do you want to win? I do this for a living... i KNOW what I'm talking about because I've seen it work with a few hundred other guys... can any of them say that? They are guessing... do you really want to take that chance?
#3 - Break plans with her. Try not to explain. Don't get angry, defensive, or abusive. Don't display any emotion other than "it's cool, no big deal" and you'll be fine. If she questions you, just playfully laugh and say, "nosy." or "I love how you want to know everything I do." then walk off. IT IS NOT A CONTEST. She will be able to tell (instinctively) if you are trying to 1-up her. (besides that is just bragging and bragging will drag you down fast!) Instead, stick to the plan. Know that you need to not care (not because it's right or anything stupid like that... but because that is how you win!) and anything she asks you, you must try to avoid answering while not caring.
#4 - NEVER try to create "connections". You know remind her what a special thing you have, look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her, remind her of the first time you made love, anything like that. You must allow her to create connections or they are worthless to her. Sure, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she will go through the motions... but she isn't feeling what you are feeling. Just the way it works... I didn't make the rules. If she drags it out of you, by badgering you and crying and such you might say, "I guess I love you." or "I might love you." or "well, I care about you a lot." but then you immediately wash it all away with... "but what does it matter?" and walk away. Then she will try to make the connections and that way the connections will mean something to her... until you acknowledge them. So never fully acknowledge them and when you do immediately take them away again as I just did.
I do this for a living.
Trust me.
I have run into this problem as well. For the longest time I didn't day much about it, although she knew that it really bothered me. After it got to a point where it was rediculous, I finally poot my foot down, but in a nice way.
Simply bring up the idea of if your roles were switched, you were the one with girls all over you and you enjoyed hanging out with them. How would she feel? I am willing to bet you that she wouldn't put up with it. When it gets to a point that it has an effect on your relationship, or your personal well being, she needs to decide what she cares more about. She either loves you and wants to make you happy, or she wants to party with other guys.
In the end, relationships aren't easy. Both sides need to make sacrifices to make it work the way it should. There comes a time when everyone needs to settle down and decide how they want their life to go.
Whatever you do, and however you choose to handle the situation, don't be rude about it. Stay calm, and try to make sure she stays as calm as you can. At least talk about it, after all, relationships and trust are based on communication.
Good luck to you both, and I hope it works out in whatever way is best.
Simply bring up the idea of if your roles were switched, you were the one with girls all over you and you enjoyed hanging out with them. How would she feel? I am willing to bet you that she wouldn't put up with it. When it gets to a point that it has an effect on your relationship, or your personal well being, she needs to decide what she cares more about. She either loves you and wants to make you happy, or she wants to party with other guys.
In the end, relationships aren't easy. Both sides need to make sacrifices to make it work the way it should. There comes a time when everyone needs to settle down and decide how they want their life to go.
Whatever you do, and however you choose to handle the situation, don't be rude about it. Stay calm, and try to make sure she stays as calm as you can. At least talk about it, after all, relationships and trust are based on communication.
Good luck to you both, and I hope it works out in whatever way is best.
| Hondaridr58 wrote: |
| Thanks alot for all of your input guys, I appreciate it , and Big Geek, that was quite the response, very wise words, thank you. I ended up talking to her more about it, I basically said "I really like you alot, but I cant deal with you going out with guys anymore, you wouldnt like it if I went out with Ashley, would you? " (Ashley is my friend of a long time who has always liked me) after a few moments of silence, she looked at me and said "You know what.... your absolutely right. There really is nothing im actually getting out of these guys besides attention, and you give me plenty. Plus I WOULDN'T deal with you doing this, so this is completely unfair. Im sorry babe, it wont happen anymore."... I was completely stunned. Since I said that, she hasnt gone out, hasn't been flirty and I couldn't be happier. Oh man, If things would just stay like this.... |
glad to know that things have worked out for you. How are things now? Still good?
Lets wait until you both get 21 and can go together. I hope your relationship can last and improve as you said before. Nice girl, she elected you over those guys attention, that sounds great.
| Flirting101 wrote: |
| I read every single entry before mine and each and every one of them were the same. |
| Quote: |
| Someone telling you about when they failed and the way it is like how you're going to fail. |
| Quote: |
| Read the 48 Laws of Power - stay away from failure and those who are awash in it...because it's contagious. |
| Quote: |
| Right now you have not failed, but you have developed a bad habit. |
| Quote: |
| They claim you have two choices... dump her or live with it. |
| Quote: |
| Anytime you like to see things this way there are two choices. You can always dismiss the thousands of other choices and leave yourself two unpleasant ones so you can fail and it not be your fault. |
| Quote: |
| It might not have been your fault before because you could have claimed ignorance. You can't claim ignorance any longer. |
| Quote: |
| Now, after finishing this post, if you fail, you will have done so willfully and can blame no one but yourself. |
| Quote: |
| You see, before you did not understand how women work, but now I'm going to give you the opportunity to control any woman and have her thank you for it. |
| Quote: |
| Your GF is exhibiting normal behavior. |
| Quote: |
| You have been okay up til now but have done nothing great. |
| Quote: |
| Don't let others who claim that beautiful women will only really fall for "bad boys" convince you. Yes, they only fall for bad boys that's not what I don't want you to let them convince you of... you see everyone of these guys is afraid of that girl, afraid of becoming the bad boy that she will revel in, and they are afraid of making any real changes. |
| Quote: |
| They have many reasons to cover their fear. Listen to them if you like... I'm only asking you to answer one question... what do you want? Not, what are you afraid of... what do you want? |
| Quote: |
| If you want beautiful women to lose control around you, then you're going to have to make a change in the way you see these things. |
| Quote: |
| Change your Environment... since you are around her it will also change her environment. |
| Quote: |
| Her new environment will control her instincts. Because it's instincts that tell her who she wants to be around... and right now that isn't you. |
| Quote: |
| You make her feel secure... but that's NOT your job. |
| Quote: |
| The need to make a woman feel secure comes from insecurity. |
| Quote: |
| Her mind isn't aware of that... but you can be damn sure her instincts are. That's why she has no problem leaving you and going to the club... |
| Quote: |
| This is where you can begin... |
| Quote: |
| #1 - You do not care if she goes to the club. But if she does... you can't be seen as waiting around for her. You must "punish" her by doing something more fun than she is doing. Never become angry or irrational... that just takes you 2 steps backwards. Instead pretend what she did never happened. No matter what she did. Don't ask about it, when she brings it up change the subject. |
| Quote: |
| The reason she brings it up is something called a Compliance Test... she wants to gauge your reaction. Don't have one. |
| Quote: |
| As an Alpha Male you don't have reactions to her stuff... you don't even care about your stuff. |
| Quote: |
| All the other guys fall over themselves to listen to her and react how they think she wants them to. But the guy she will feel attracted to will not react at all. |
| Quote: |
| #2 - Don't avoid other girls. If you're with her ALWAYS take another girl's call. Don't explain who the other girl is. |
| Quote: |
| Don't answer her questions... just say something like, "Mind your own business." Say it nicely if you need to. Don't worry you'll work up to being brusque |
| Quote: |
| I know, you're afraid to do this. Think about this... all the other guys who have answered here were afraid too. |
| Quote: |
| Do you want to end up with a horror story answering other guys' questions about relationships with your own horror stories (this one) or do you want to win? |
| Quote: |
| I do this for a living... i KNOW what I'm talking about because I've seen it work with a few hundred other guys... can any of them say that? |
| Quote: |
| They are guessing... do you really want to take that chance? |
| Quote: |
| #3 - Break plans with her. Try not to explain. Don't get angry, defensive, or abusive. Don't display any emotion other than "it's cool, no big deal" and you'll be fine. |
| Quote: |
| If she questions you, just playfully laugh and say, "nosy." or "I love how you want to know everything I do." then walk off. IT IS NOT A CONTEST. |
| Quote: |
| She will be able to tell (instinctively) if you are trying to 1-up her. (besides that is just bragging and bragging will drag you down fast!) |
| Quote: |
| Instead, stick to the plan. Know that you need to not care (not because it's right or anything stupid like that... but because that is how you win!) and anything she asks you, you must try to avoid answering while not caring. |
| Quote: |
| #4 - NEVER try to create "connections". You know remind her what a special thing you have, look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her, remind her of the first time you made love, anything like that. |
| Quote: |
| You must allow her to create connections or they are worthless to her. Sure, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she will go through the motions... but she isn't feeling what you are feeling. |
| Quote: |
| Just the way it works... I didn't make the rules. |
| Quote: |
| If she drags it out of you, by badgering you and crying and such you might say, "I guess I love you." or "I might love you." or "well, I care about you a lot." but then you immediately wash it all away with... "but what does it matter?" and walk away. |
| Quote: |
| Then she will try to make the connections and that way the connections will mean something to her... until you acknowledge them. So never fully acknowledge them and when you do immediately take them away again as I just did. |
| Quote: |
| I do this for a living. |
| Quote: |
| Trust me. |
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