I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now... wait no I WAS with my girlfriend for 6 years and we were what i thought was happy, however on sunday (my birthday) she told me that we have become more like friend than lovers. I canít seem to get myself together, she and I still want to be friends but I canít seem to think like that. I still text her and we still meet up I donít want to loose her at all, so defenatly donít want to lose her as a friend. she is my best friend.
It makes me sick of the thought of her with someone else, but I no one day she will be. she seems to be doing a lot better than me, just donít no what to do with myself. Cant seem to get the fact that it is over, and she is not going to call and say ďlets give it a try!Ē. I am still getting stressed out and jealous when she donít text back straight away and when she goes out into town. keep thinking she is with someone else, or going to sleep with someone and it kills me.
to make it worse we both had to move back into are parents houses and it didnít help us in the end, but now her mum is kicking her out (*****) and she has NOWHERE to go, and I said she could come here. a part of me knows to be able to get over her I need my own space but the other half thinks if she moves in could it start again? I could show her that I love her and things could restart? but she is strong headed and said ďshe wont change her mind and we wont ever get back!Ē
so the lovely people of the internet HELP me please.... how do I get over her? can we be friends? should she move in? oh god what do i do???
Hope I can help.
I could write something nice or put her down then comfort you but that would be a mistake and maybe dishonest. The truth is always the best donít you think? If she said itís over its over, period. You have to listen and consider her feelings. However, friendships can last forever. If you can not handle a friendship at this time, if those are your feelings then its best to maintain your space. You know what is best for you right?
You gave away a big clue about yourself in your relationship, ďI am still getting stressed out and jealous when she donít text back straight away and when she goes out into town.Ē Jealousy only kills a relationship and eventually a friendship so you need to drop that ASAP. I think we accept a relationship for what it is or we get out of it. It should be that simply but never is and people develop all kinds of emotional problems.
If we have feelings for someone after 6 years or 6 minutes, share those feelings, maybe be nice and faithful to our friend and if they are not, accept it, get space if need be, end it if we must and be the best kind of person we can be without negative jealousy.
thank you... you are totally right jealousy is an evil emotion but it is one that eats me away inside (never really let onto her or anyone about it really) but canít stop what i think and how I fell inside!
its the thought of her with someone else more than anything like I said before I do still want her as a friend, but donít no if i would ever really be able ready to except that she is with someone else but if I stop talking to her now and try and get my head round that I might lose her altogether .. I no what she is like once her mind is made up, it made.
This is why the hole moving in thing is really pickling my head (its for 2 weeks btw) if she really was ready to move on why when is said ďyou can stay here if you wantĒ(in a last ditch attempt to win her back)(or maybe act on some false hope) did she say ďthat would be cool if i could as long as not to wired for you?)(we would be in the same bed!?!) see I am damned if i do and damned if i donít. if she dose there MIGHT be a slim slim chance of us having time to talk and sort thing out or just going to make me think that there is when there is when its not! then i will be back in this place again! but if she donít I will always be asking myself what if she did!!....
Dilemmas like yours are very common in relationships that had been long running. For long relationships, both people tend to rely alot on each other. That could be the reason why she readily agreed when you offer to help - she is used to relying you for help or support. That bring me to another point: habit and taking things for granted. The reason why she say the two of you are more like friends is probably the both of you had gotten used to each other's lifestyles and personalities. Things the two of you do together became routine and habitual. The lack of the "sweetness" when a relationship first started faded the passion in the two of you (or in her).
Maybe she no longer love you, maybe she just "forgot" how she used to love you. Jealousy definitely has to be removed, regardless whether it is to remain as friends or to give your relationship another chance. Because all relationships and friendships are based on trust, and jealousy kills trust.
I have a few suggestions for you and what you do with them is of course up to you. I just want to help if I can ok.
Seriously thinking you could do something positive starting with how you are looking at things.
1. Get over the way you are feeling presently and just attempt to spend a little quality time with your wonderful friend. Maybe you need to decide something for yourself?
2. Consider all she may need at the moment is a place to stay nothing more.
3. Be a good friend and talk to her in a loving caring way if she is willing so that you both know what the other is thinking.
4. A little jealousy is healthy just donít let it rule your life, hurts everyone so maybe put those thoughts completely out of your head. Get busy with something in your quiet times when they come around.
5. This is going to sound strange perhaps but try to stop calculating what will happen if you do this or that, just do what seems right, sure get advice but keep your relationship between you and her private. Communicate.
It is difficult to understand someoneís elseís life and too easy to give advice. You are the one in the end who will be making the decisions that will effect your life however every decision may not affect your life as much as you might think.
Whatever you do, donít give up till the fat lady sings. Then you will know for sure.
Looking from the outside in, which is always a better position to be in, I would say that if you really want her back in your life, that you should give her her complete freedom, and take responsibility for your own in a way that will make you attractive to you in the first place, liking you, and when that happens you would also be attractive to her. Ignoring her would be a good start. Try and be a bit more fixated on you and renew your relationship with yourself as a pretty amazing person. Start new hobbies, something that will really interest you and hobbies that you can really do well in. If you cross her path, keep it completely indifferent. As though you are your own person now, and that you are happy she is on her own. Don't hang onto her words, keep it nice and short, don't show any interest in her life or activities. Obviously you cannot be friends with her, that I think is a "cop out". But you can be civil, and for the rest just try and make her smaller in your life, and fill your life with more of you and more of different things. You will be amazed the effect that would have on a girl. Especially when she thinks you are totally into her and she realizes that may not be the case any more.
I don't see why you have to clobber yourself over the head with being "jealous". If it really worries you that much maybe you should talk to a good counsellor about it. It may help to get the "heat" out of it for you.