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How to stop saying things I don't think ?





pll
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that
natilovesmike
well, just breath and think before you say anything....and for that you might want to practice alone ....try to get angry with a picture of someone or something..and try not saying hurtful things. I am a peaceful person, so I usually don't react like that...

Also it would be good to think why do you get angry and want to hurt people? where do you think that comes from? would you feel less if you didn't do that, why?

Sorry, I have no real tips...but I think the fact that you realize what you are doing and want to change it is a big step. Keep thinking that way...
Denvis
Don't open your mouth, wait. I don't know any other prevention I don't have your problem. Though, telling them prior about such thoughtless outbursts will give them preparation.
Insanity
Can't think of anything to say other than just think about what you're saying before you do it. And I agree with everyone else on this, to just calm down before speaking. A lot of things can be avoided if you just calm down before talking/
deanhills
pll wrote:
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that
Maybe you need to put yourself in their shoes mentally. Think of them first, and then of yourself. Take a very deep breath, and pinch yourself so that it really hurts.
apple
pll wrote:
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that


don't try to handle things the same time they happen.
take a walk and cool off.
start practicing to think 1st and talk after.
before you mouth off consider what you will say and how it may affect the person and what the end result may be.

if you can at least try these things they will help you learn to control and discipline your emotions and your whole self.
macky
pll wrote:
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that


First i want to tell you that its natural.. For me, i call it mannerism.. Let me tell you this, when did you started that thing? coz i bet that from the day you started to learn how to speak, you really dont know that thing, right?...

So your asking how to get over it..Well it's very simple, it's only takes a week to get over it. First, ask your self what you usually does every time you get angry then write it down on a piece of paper. Second, before you learn that mannerism, what you usually does every time you get angry? after asking your self, every day early in the morning, try to make some inhale, exhale then shout for about 10-20 minutes. But make sure that you sleep well before that morning..

Make some break fast or what ever you does in the morning and try to talk as much as possible to different kind of person especially those people that you know that has greater ego than you. In this exercise you will learn how to make low-profile to other people with a pleasing behavior that makes them comfortable when you talk to them. You will also learn how to control your emotions which makes you angry.

Do this steps for about a week and i bet, you will get over it if your really want to do it. And your serious to it. Coz if your aware to what you doing, it means you care for your self, especially the reflections of what you doin.. I hope i gave you some advice that will help you.. have a great day!
pll
I'll try all of these thanks! Wink

I can't wait to be a better person!
imera
I do that to one of my sisters, but she does deserve it sort of because she is so manipulative and mean with someone else.

But that isn't my point. Usually most times when I do want to say something back I try these things
- not opening my mouth
- thinking about something else to get my mind of the argument
- leaving if it's possible
- try to change the conversation
- breathing... and counting if it might help
- telling the other person that you are angry but you really don't want to say anything hurtful
pll
imera wrote:

- telling the other person that you are angry but you really don't want to say anything hurtful


I like this way. But if I say I'm angry the other person will want to know why.
iyepes
Telling the other person why you are angry, could be more productive than saying hurting words. Being angry is Ok, what it's not allowed is to discharge the bad feelings onto others.
andysart380
try to put yourself in their shoes. before you speak think of what your saying...and think of what a response may be...just dont blurt out something funny or cocky because it could come off as an insult.
apple
how's it going?
Bluedoll
It sounds to me like you are saying what is on your mind. That is a good thing. It is certainly better than holding things in or being afraid to open your mouth for fear of reprisal. I am sure people close to you understand that.
If you feel you need to change something about yourself, this might work and worth a try perhaps.

Think about what you have said in the past such as "you are a moron . . . "

You might be expressing some truths or at least what you see as true. Consider however that when people make mistakes or learn from trial and error they are not __________ but are acting incorrectly.

Therefore, if you subconsciencely think that way, you will start learning to rephrase your sentences. You are acting like a ____________ or that thing or action is a __________ thing in my opinion.

People do stupid things. They just don't like being told they are being labeled with a new name Bobbie Stupid but rather the thing that Bobbie did was stupid.

hope this helps you some
ponda
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that
-------------------------

Just try to control yourself. When you feel the anger rising up in you, stop yourself right there. Count back from ten. Separate yourself from the situation and do something to release stress like punching a pillow or yelling inside an empty vehicle.
zbale
First of all, the good thing is that you've identified a behavior you want to change and you've decided to change it. It is an important step, and I personally find that impressive.

You may have heard that as far as learning is concerned, one can sometimes define four stages:

1) You're doing the wrong thing but you're not aware of it
2) You're doing the wrong thing and you are aware of it
3) You do the right thing but you still have to think about it
4) You do the right thing without having to think about it

So your question now is how to get from 2 to 3.

I've heard about a businessman who used to get angry all the time. A friend of his suggested he carried around a notebook in which he noted every time he got angry, afterwards. Apparently it helped him reduce it drastically because while he was getting angry he was already thinking that he would have to write it down, which forced him to take a step back and realize he was getting angry (one of the things about getting angry is that we no longer take a step back). I don't know if this tip is enough.

Another possibility is to take the time now to draw a short list of things that you could say when you feel you would want to abuse people. It could go from "I'm sorry, I need some time to think about it before I react" to "Normally, I would call you a moron but I'm trying to work on my social skills so I won't". Maybe if you manage to make it funny and to include people in the fact that you are trying to control yourself, people will be grateful and appreciate the fact that you're making an effort to be a good guy.
pll
zbale wrote:

I've heard about a businessman who used to get angry all the time. A friend of his suggested he carried around a notebook in which he noted every time he got angry, afterwards. Apparently it helped him reduce it drastically because while he was getting angry he was already thinking that he would have to write it down, which forced him to take a step back and realize he was getting angry (one of the things about getting angry is that we no longer take a step back). I don't know if this tip is enough.

Another possibility is to take the time now to draw a short list of things that you could say when you feel you would want to abuse people. It could go from "I'm sorry, I need some time to think about it before I react" to "Normally, I would call you a moron but I'm trying to work on my social skills so I won't". Maybe if you manage to make it funny and to include people in the fact that you are trying to control yourself, people will be grateful and appreciate the fact that you're making an effort to be a good guy.

Thank you very much!
This helped too. Cool

I'm on my way to become a nice guy!!
Flarkis
electric shock therapy?

Just kidding, my suggestion would be to try meditation. I find it really helps with self control.
tukun2009manit
pll wrote:
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that



if u did wrong then say sorry if you really mean it...
imera
I know it's difficult not to say something, I am a calm person but when my sisters are behaving really bad I can't help myself.
My way is to breathe, or walk away, but most of the times I think about being angry and what will happen if we do begin fighting.
deanhills
imera wrote:
I know it's difficult not to say something, I am a calm person but when my sisters are behaving really bad I can't help myself.
My way is to breathe, or walk away, but most of the times I think about being angry and what will happen if we do begin fighting.
The breathe and walk away is a very good strategy. Also, to ignore them completely. There is nothing more that gets to women than to ignore them. Maybe you can work on a trick where when they start to irritate you, you just completely start to think of something else, this something needs to have the power to make you think spontaneously about it so that you can really concentrate away from your irritation and have the appearance of being completely absorbed in something else. Another trick would be to completely change the subject and start to talk deliberate nonsense, which is another strategy of ignoring what they have been talking about.
ponda
Everytime I become a little bit angry to someone I can't stop myself from saying things that I don't think...
And those things sometimes hurt people.
For example, when I say things like "Your just a moron because you did that" It's just because I'm too angry and I can't control myself, but I don't think those things I'm saying

Do you have any tips to get over it ?
I know that I always become impulsive, even when I'm just a little angry over someone.

I almost lost my girlfriend for that
---------------------

If it's really something you cannot control and it is truly affecting your life, you should seek medical help, maybe therapy or have a brain scan, there are many studies that link trauma to the front of the brain with violent behavior and impulsiveness. Maybe you hurt your head and didin't realize how bad it was.
zbale
pll wrote:
I'm on my way to become a nice guy!!


Excellent!

They say if you can picture yourself doing it, then you are capable of doing it. Keep going!
_AG_
Try looking at the person and say it in your head. Or picture yourself saying it but dont. Maybe that will fill the need to say it.
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