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LOVE LOST





1528tom
Whats the point of love

90% of relationships end up in tragedy, thats pretty slim odds for people who are thinking of getting into a relationship. in can just ruin life

i know of two people that have lost the loves of there life to other people. couple months later they couldnt stand the pain of which had happend from there relationships and deaths were a result

So work hard and try and live without love unless your sure they are the one

is what i think
brokenadvice
Because we strive for the 10%. Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. :Smacks Lips:
TomS
We have to try because a 90% chance of failing means a 10% chance of winning. And if you don't try a relationship you'll be 100% unhappy.
Denvis
True love is what everybody in the world strives to achieve. That is why we continue to find true love even though the odds are against us. If the entire world were to think like you, the percentage of finding true love will decrease. Crying or Very sad
deanhills
Denvis wrote:
True love is what everybody in the world strives to achieve. That is why we continue to find true love even though the odds are against us. If the entire world were to think like you, the percentage of finding true love will decrease. Crying or Very sad
I sometimes wonder whether the striving to find love is what makes the world turn around, more than settling down and genuinely loving one person. Almost as though society is teaching us to pursue love (chase after it) rather than being loving and being open to receiving love. We are being taught to pursue stereotypes, and also to love in a stereotyped way. By the time we get to be old, maybe we discover how many people we have known, whom we have received much more love from, than the ones we had pursued, and thought we had lost.
Denvis
deanhills wrote:
Denvis wrote:
True love is what everybody in the world strives to achieve. That is why we continue to find true love even though the odds are against us. If the entire world were to think like you, the percentage of finding true love will decrease. Crying or Very sad
I sometimes wonder whether the striving to find love is what makes the world turn around, more than settling down and genuinely loving one person. Almost as though society is teaching us to pursue love (chase after it) rather than being loving and being open to receiving love. We are being taught to pursue stereotypes, and also to love in a stereotyped way. By the time we get to be old, maybe we discover how many people we have known, whom we have received much more love from, than the ones we had pursued, and thought we had lost.


It is a big stereotype but having that said, the idea of true love was only suggested, we didn't have to follow it but as human beings, it is out of our control to control our feelings and it is the young people you find most which strive to achieve true love.

Sure, we can settle down just accept what comes our way but to me, that is giving up. People don't want second best when they can get the best. But, when all else fails, what comes our way is probably the best option that is, if they're still there. Love can be heartbreacking as the poster suggested but we look past the odds (1/10) and pursue true love.
deanhills
Denvis wrote:
and pursue true love.
Here's the thing. Why do we need to pursue love? Is it because we are not loving enough and we need to find it somewhere outside ourselves? Being able to love ourselves and look after ourselves usually attract people to us. I would say those people who go on with their lives as "fulfilled" human beings tend to attract equally "fulfilled" human beings of the "true love" variety. People who feel incomplete usually tend to pursue love, and most of the time land with someone who felt equally incomplete, until they "met up". That already says that there is a good chance that they may soon find that it had all been "imagined" as they still feel incomplete.
Denvis
Quote:
Why do we need to pursue love?


There are so many many reasons we pursue love. Two of which you've stated.

Quote:
Because we are not loving enough and we need to find it somewhere else

&
Quote:
We are being taught to pursue stereotypes, and also to love in a stereotyped way.


There are massive influentual properties that can make you think that this is the correct way love should be. For example, the media in general.

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Being able to love ourselves and look after ourselves usually attract people to us. I would say those people who go on with their lives as "fulfilled" human beings tend to attract equally "fulfilled" human beings of the "true love" variety.


I don't entirely agree with that. It may be one asset to which attracts the other person (being able to look after ourselves) but that isn't always the case. At first glance, we are not attracted to the persons ability to look after themselves but it is the physical appearance. But, like they say, all the imperfections of the person whom they truly love is looked past in the end. Although that is after they look past the physical appearance itself but most people don't do that. Though having that said without a physical attraction there will be no attraction at all and therefore the continueation of our pursuit to find, true love.

There are quite a few cases where people who are fulfilled tend to attracted unfulfilled people because the unfulfilled people want to be with those who are fulfilled, vise versa. But if a person is already fulfilled (a fulfilled human being) is there a need to (over) fulfil their lives? Do they need to find this true love? Those who are already fulfilled, don't need to pursue true love. They take what comes their way instead of seeking this true love because they don't need it, most people are not fulfilled so they keep up their pursuit of true love.

Quote:
People who feel incomplete usually tend to pursue love, and most of the time land with someone who felt equally incomplete, until they "met up".


Yeah, another reason why people pursue love, they fill incomplete and attempt to find somebody to compete their lives.

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That already says that there is a good chance that they may soon find that it had all been "imagined" as they still feel incomplete.


This isn't always the case but as statistics show 90% of relationships do turn out so. We aim to be one of those 10% the 1/10 people to find that true love and it is due to our determination we continue to pursue love.
deanhills
Denvis wrote:
There are quite a few cases where people who are fulfilled tend to attracted unfulfilled people because the unfulfilled people want to be with those who are fulfilled, vise versa. But if a person is already fulfilled (a fulfilled human being) is there a need to (over) fulfil their lives? Do they need to find this true love? Those who are already fulfilled, don't need to pursue true love. They take what comes their way instead of seeking this true love because they don't need it, most people are not fulfilled so they keep up their pursuit of true love.

This has been my argument from before. True love is only possible for people who are fulfilled. They don't have to go out and pursue others. They naturally attract loving people, as they radiate love themselves. Possibly this need we have "to pursue love", is one that could put us on the wrong track, as in essence it is more about ourselves, and trying to escape from loving ourselves. The moment we can find something really good in ourselves to embrace, maybe there won't be the need to pursue other people. They will just naturally cross our paths, as per the law of attraction would have it.
natilovesmike
I didn't really read all the threads...but ... I am married...over 5 years now and I do love my husband more than anything (hence my nickname). Just recently I think we had the biggest crises we have ever had. But compared to other couples it was probably pretty small...it only lasted a few weeks and was resolved...or so I think...altough in relationshipd nothing is ever resolved since people change all the time.

I think what happened is that for the first time in his life, my husband found a job he actually likes, challenges him and feels people appreciate it. So, he has been working really hard and somehow growing away from me, a little bit, because there were things going on in his mind about changing what we had planned for the future...but we talked...and talked...and cried (I cried mostly) and somehow we found a resolution...he told me how he feels and what he needs and I told him the same way...and we both understand that we can't have everything we want...we have to make sacrifices to keep this relatioship going..but we both want this relationship to keep going so we will compromise.

I think that is the key...compromise...the rewards are definitely worth it.
Denvis
Quote:
They don't have to go out and pursue others


They choose to.

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They naturally attract loving people, as they radiate love themselves.


Some people aren't born with the ability to 'radiate love' so they work for it. They pursue it.

Quote:
Possibly this need we have "to pursue love", is one that could put us on the wrong track, as in essence it is more about ourselves, and trying to escape from loving ourselves.


Wrong track? You would rather wait your entire life and see what happens rather than find it out yourself? I don't see how pursuing love can escape loving ourselves. Do explain

Quote:
The moment we can find something really good in ourselves to embrace, maybe there won't be the need to pursue other people.


There will always be the need to pursue love. A fairy tail ending, happily ever after, we want that. What we don't want is to be sitting there 'loving ourselves' and doing our own thing, while waiting for somebody to cross paths. That sounds extremely selfish does it not?
deanhills
Denvis wrote:
Some people aren't born with the ability to 'radiate love' so they work for it. They pursue it.
I don't believe that. All of us are born with love. We tend to lose the ability to channel into our own love when we become self-aware. When we work for love, i.e. go out and pursue love, we may not find it, as it has to be in ourselves in order to connect with someone "in love". Otherwise what we may find instead is an "illusion".

Quote:
Quote:
Wrong track? You would rather wait your entire life and see what happens rather than find it out yourself? I don't see how pursuing love can escape loving ourselves. Do explain
I am neither pursuing nor waiting. I'm OK and OK attracts OK. "NOT OKAY" and needint to pursue "OK" atrracts "NO OKAY" with the illusion of being "OK". The moment when one lets go with this illusion of having to pursue anything, it will come to you naturally. For example you may choose to join a scuba diving club, as that is genuinely what you enjoy doing. You love your sport and take a lot of satisfaction out of it, and that would be attractive to someone who feels the same way about the sport. Rather than joining the club in order to meet people and pursue them for friendship purposes. There is nothing as attractive as someone who has a passion in a hobby, rather than making the pursuit of love a hobby. Some people are naturally averse to people who are obviously "in pursuit" of love. They like people just to be genuine and happy to be who they are.

Quote:
The moment we can find something really good in ourselves to embrace, maybe there won't be the need to pursue other people.
There will always be the need to pursue love. A fairy tail ending, happily ever after, we want that. What we don't want is to be sitting there 'loving ourselves' and doing our own thing, while waiting for somebody to cross paths. That sounds extremely selfish does it not?
Dreams are good to have. There is a difference though in pursuing love objects, and having a vision/dream of a loving relationship. What I am trying to say is that you can attract that dream to you by just being who you are and enjoying what you do. You do not have to go out there and pursue objects of your dream.
Asap170
Heck I use to strive for the 10% until this one girl doesn't like me and I got said... and that now I am like screw it... I o keep my eyes open though!
Denvis
You are a person who doesn't want to try. You want them to find you. You are sad, you have given up and you're lost. Not everybody thinks like you, I still have hope to find true love maybe you should too.
deanhills
Denvis wrote:
You are a person who doesn't want to try. You want them to find you. You are sad, you have given up and you're lost. Not everybody thinks like you, I still have hope to find true love maybe you should too.
That is not true. I learned enough lessons in life to know that love finds you, not the other way round. The best relationships I have had, have come about naturally. Either through my hobbies, or through some of my projects. I was not even thinking about love, just enjoying what I was doing with people, next thing you find yourself getting excited with someone else about things in common you are sharing, and then love followed. I remember when we were students, and we used to hang out at pubs or night club, scouting for "love", and for me that never fell into place. I just don't think it is something to be pursued, it is something we wish for, but true love usually finds you, not the other way round.
Da Rossa
1528tom wrote:
Whats the point of love

90% of relationships end up in tragedy, thats pretty slim odds for people who are thinking of getting into a relationship. in can just ruin life

i know of two people that have lost the loves of there life to other people. couple months later they couldnt stand the pain of which had happend from there relationships and deaths were a result

So work hard and try and live without love unless your sure they are the one

is what i think


Come on, stop it. You are being the tragedy yourself.
I guess you might have lost a couple of loves so far, and felt very badly. I understand. So what? Do you think that the meaning of love is to end up badly all the time? Perhaps you will realise, hopefully not in a distant future, that the best way to get over a love is to find a new one. Or else you can stay alone for the rest of your life, and see how fantastic it is Sad
apple
When I was a teen I was with this guy and he was my world, I loved him more than words could express. We'd do everything together and were inseparable. Then suddenly he was no longer in my life and it really hurt me. For the 10 years that followed I to thought that love did not make sense and was a moronic concept. Until 5 years ago when I met my fiancee.
I was not looking or even hoping for love or even a relationship of any sort. He just happened to be the perfect man for me and we fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

1528tom, cause one relationship or even a string of them did not work out, does not mean that 'love' is a bad idea. it only means that they were not the right ones for you. People tend to focus on emotion rather than compatibility. make sure your focus is on the right thing and the concept of 'love' will make better sense to you.
BigGeek
OK here's my take!

Love is different than a relationship. We equate love to another person and a relationship with that person, but that is only one form of love, right, for example: Do you love your Dog, or Cat, or Pet? Do you love your home? A certain spot for camping, or hiking? I could go on but you get the point.

Granted these are not the same as love between two people, which is a more attached love than the ones I mention above, but there in lies the problem. You see love is just love, you meet people all the time that you love, but you do not feel the attachment to them, the desire to be with them, you just like/love them, wish the best for them, enjoy their company so on and so forth....right?

But when you meet someone that you are really passionate about, really attached to, want to be with and make love with, this brings up a whole range of emotions that are not love, it brings up protectiveness, possesiveness, domination, obsession, and a whole list of words, and when one person gets to overwhelemed with these feeling of deep love, and fear of loosing that love, it leads to problems. Those problems stem from the deep feelings of hurt and heart break that come from being rejected by a person that you feel those deep feelings for.

Different people react differently, some go crazy, and resort to abuse and intimidation to attempt to keep the one they love from leaving and breaking their heart, and that usually leads to disaster, and all sorts of heneous behavior.

Other people feel so unloved and so heart broken that they hurt themselves, with drugs alcohol or other negative behaviors trying to drown the feelings of worthlessness and pain that go along with a broken heart.

But I have to tell you, no matter what your philosphy about being whole, loving yourself, persuing love, and why we do it, the idea of the perfect love, and all else.......the greatest love in the world you will ever find is foregiveness, and letting go.

It is better to have loved fully and passionately and lost it, then to never have loved at all, and the step past the loss and rejection and heart break is to foregive, to forgive yourslef for the stupid things you did that alienated the one you loved, and for the rejection from that love, and by forgiving them and letting them go, and truely LEARNING to love them no matter where they are, or who they are with, you will find the greatest love your heart has ever known....and I can tell you from expereince, that no broken heart will be healed until you learn how to love like that.

There are times that I think people need to have their hearts broken, in order to learn this lesson!
apple
BigGeek wrote:


But I have to tell you, no matter what your philosphy about being whole, loving yourself, persuing love, and why we do it, the idea of the perfect love, and all else.......the greatest love in the world you will ever find is foregiveness, and letting go.

It is better to have loved fully and passionately and lost it, then to never have loved at all, and the step past the loss and rejection and heart break is to foregive, to forgive yourslef for the stupid things you did that alienated the one you loved, and for the rejection from that love, and by forgiving them and letting them go, and truely LEARNING to love them no matter where they are, or who they are with, you will find the greatest love your heart has ever known....and I can tell you from expereince, that no broken heart will be healed until you learn how to love like that.


There are times that I think people need to have their hearts broken, in order to learn this lesson!


beautiful!! you have phrased this wonderfully.
blackheart
1528tom wrote:

So work hard and try and live without love unless your sure they are the one



How can you find "the one" without dating people? How can you be sure somebody's the one before you've started dating them?

I think pain and heartbreak are just a reality of the dating game, and the end of a relationship is rarely painless or happy for both parties. But I'd rather go through 10 breakups to find one lasting relationship, than hold back and never end up finding anyone at all.


Also. I think you learn a lot from relationship to relationship, and perhaps the reason the final relationship lasts is the experience you have gained from the failures.

I'm 18 and perhaps come out of my first serious relationship in May - two and a half years - where the first year and a half were sunshine and lollypops, however the next year was awful. I was cheated on, and generally treated badly - even some his own mates lost respect for him to the point they were telling me to get out.

Essentially I let him walk all over me, because I'd never experienced love before and had some idea he was the be all and end all. Looking back I cringe at some of the things I let him do, some of the things I didn't do... that I didn't follow through with some self respect and leave him earlier... but at least having gone through it I should be better prepared to better identify and handle the same behaviour in future.
fantoos
What I find and analyze that everybody create their own definition of LOVE. The main reason behind it that everybody wants love on their own terms & conditions.
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