These five snippets of well-meaning advice to singles top Anderson's list of worst offenses. Here's why.
1) What's Said: MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
What's Heard: "This can come off sounding like you're passing judgment on effort," says Anderson. "It's better to encourage a single person to explore new relationships to the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced."
2) What's Said: WEAR MORE MAKEUP.
What's Heard: More than implying that the search for Mr. Right is as easy as brushing a spot of color onto the cheeks, this comment offends further by actually attacking a person's core identity. "A woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful. Whether her style is glamorous belle or au naturelle, every woman should be allowed to be herself. There's a man out there who is going to be attracted to her style, whatever it is. If she's presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, that's false advertising and that's going to backfire."
3) What's Said: GET BACK OUT THERE!
What's Heard: This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed or Internet or blind dating, or worse, that she isn't living a full enough life. "Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day," says Anderson. "Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out."
4) What's Said: YOU'RE TOO PICKY.
What's Heard: This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. "This sends single women the message that their time to be choosy is up, that it's now time to go out and pick up any chump."
5) What's Said: TONE IT DOWN A NOTCH.
What's Heard: You ask too many questions. You're too intimidating. You're overly opinionated. You're too consumed with work. "This is interpreted by single women to mean that they have to dial down their core identity a notch in order to attract potential suitors and make them feel comfortable," says Anderson. "Suggesting that a woman reduce the fullness of who she is to lure a mate will lead to an inauthentic connection, and is a recipe for a disastrous relationship or marriage. Because really, how long can any person fake it and maintain a facade?"
do people reply to this post?
anyway, I'm in the library trying to finish my school work, deadline this Friday you see, and now I have a min to spare why my animation render, here's what I think of the 5 points below and why women hate hearing them
1. MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
what am I suppose to do? throw myself at every guy I found interesting?
you may be attracted to someone, but they may not feel the same
on the other hand, I was so absorbed in my work, a guy came and place his number and a poem on my desk, that I didn't get a chance to look at him, however maybe after I finish my school work, I might give him a call
2. WEAR MORE MAKEUP.
I don't hate make-up, simply to lazy to put them on, but if a guy thinks you're more attractive with it, chance's are, it won't last long. make-up is really a mask to make women feel more confident, some feel naked without them. wear what you feel comfortable with
3. GET BACK OUT THERE!
get back from where? unless one is a hermit inside their bedroom, I'm sure we're 'out there' already, and you shouldn't need to go 'somewhere' specific to find a man (at least I hope not)
4. YOU'RE TOO PICKY.
I'm sorry, but everyone is picky, men, women, children - it human nature! why do men choose the beauty? why do children eat sweets? picky because we're different to each other and we appreciate different things
5. TONE IT DOWN A NOTCH.
hm... perhaps I smile too much, or too slow to catch the joke, or too short to be consider an adult, but certainly not intimidating (unless they deserve it) too opinionated and I'm jobless right now, so can't argue with this - except, you are what you are, if you change then, how long can you keep up the charade
1) MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
Yeah, I don't try hard anymore. I'm totally tired of trying. So what?
2) WEAR MORE MAKEUP.
Yeah. I can't afford the anti-alergic kind of makeup I would have to use in order to keep my skin healthy, so I prefer using nothing but sun screen.
3) GET BACK OUT THERE!
I'm out there, I work, I go out, I travel, I go to the church, but I simple don't meet men interested.
4) YOU'RE TOO PICKY.
Yeah, I'm picky, I'm good, I deserve someone as good as me.
5) TONE IT DOWN A NOTCH.
Yeah, I ask too many questions. people say I am too intimidating. I am overly opinionated. I am too consumed with work. Despite for the last one, I don't think the others are faults. Many men are like that and have couples.
If you plagerise someone elses work why bother to break it up into two posts?
i guess we all i need the points
anyways i guess what should would hate to heard would be
you aint nothing like my ex..