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Clean of guys





iyepes
Please don't take this personal, I just need lots of points, so I will take advantage to post some points of view.

I can tell that after 22 years on the romantic arena, I am totally tired, I am sick of selfish men, unfaithful men, married men, lyar men, clueless men, non-compromised men, erratic men, lost child men, with a girlfriend men, just looking for sex men, cheater men, If I find more adjectives I will add them later.

I always have said that not all men are the same, but I am arriving to the conclusion that yes, they are not the same, everyone finds a diferent way to deal you badly. Ok, that is an exageration, I have met a couple of good ones, but they are already married or in a serious relationship or have no interest at all about me.

So I have arrive a time in life when I prefer stay clean of guys, take note I am not interested on women for a change, just the celibacy suits good to me now.
iyepes
So, If I want celibacy, what I will do instead of dating? (I am answering myself because I need points, I am not insane.... by now)

Well, I suppose I will continue doing most of the things I usually do, because I do not count with a permanent trustable partner since many years ago. I can count with esporadic partners, who last lesser that a flower in the spring (a month as much).

So I will focus on my friends, female friends, male friends. People who bring me serenity, good feelings, people to share my time, my knowledge, the simple things of life.

I am not saying I will not date anymore, I am too young to say that (ok, I am not so young, but I do not feel myself old yet), but by now it is better not to think about it.
apple
Companionship does not have to lead to a sexual relationship. If you are tired of guys only wanting to get laid then don't sleep with them. DO not allow yourself to 'play the game'. If you're not dating then I guess you'll have to find something to occupy your time, craft, take a class, reading, cleaning, it all depends on your age and your interests. As for the sexual part of it, if you are not dating then you will be left to please yourself. Which is not always a bad thing Wink
c'tair
It just seems you came up on the wrong men or even chose the wrong men. Sorry, but it's not our (men) fault how we are. I could just as well make a topic about how much I'm tired of dealing with slutty women, unfaithful women, weak women, women sick of their boyfriends that flirt with me, women wanting me just for my sperm, women wanting nothing more than a share of my property etc. but I don't because the world is filled with ass-holes and it's unreasonable to think that one sex has more or less of them.

Just search for a good guy, they are out there. I've never had a girlfriend up until I met my current because I was disgusted with other girls. Sure, they looked nice, but they seemed to have no idea about love, and that was what I was looking for. Maybe if I was looking for sex it would've been a whole 'nother story, but no, I had to be romantic and look for love.

And yep, I found it. Took some time and chance, but I did. And I wish you the best of luck in finding a person you're looking for.
Da Rossa
iyepes wrote:
Please don't take this personal, I just need lots of points, so I will take advantage to post some points of view.

I can tell that after 22 years on the romantic arena, I am totally tired, I am sick of selfish men, unfaithful men, married men, lyar men, clueless men, non-compromised men, erratic men, lost child men, with a girlfriend men, just looking for sex men, cheater men, If I find more adjectives I will add them later.

I always have said that not all men are the same, but I am arriving to the conclusion that yes, they are not the same, everyone finds a diferent way to deal you badly. Ok, that is an exageration, I have met a couple of good ones, but they are already married or in a serious relationship or have no interest at all about me.

So I have arrive a time in life when I prefer stay clean of guys, take note I am not interested on women for a change, just the celibacy suits good to me now.


Im sorry, but I have reasons to believe you haven't lived all those experiences by yourself. It's ok if you've gotthe experience from some examples given by your friends' companions. And, even if you had, I still would think that you either:
1- havent look around well, beucase there are still some good people in the world;
2- you're looking for something too perfect. That's not feasible. You can eventually find a "perfect" man in your life, but the time looking and or waiting will not worth it.

o.s. write a book about your experiences.
p.s.2: what's the big deal about a guy just looking for sex?
p.s. 3 most of them will lie, but not many to really deceive you.
deanhills
iyepes wrote:
I can tell that after 22 years on the romantic arena, I am totally tired, I am sick of selfish men, unfaithful men, married men, lyar men, clueless men, non-compromised men, erratic men, lost child men, with a girlfriend men, just looking for sex men, cheater men, If I find more adjectives I will add them later.
This is probably not what you would like to hear iyepes, but it usually takes two to tango. So in each of the categories of men you have described above, there has to be a willing victim, participating in the victim role that matches the description. You have to share in the responsibility for that relationship. Maybe there is an element of self-delusion involved. Maybe you are more focussed on the men, than on yourself, so much so that you are giving your power away to them at the price of your own? Maybe key is to sort yourself out properly, so that you will be able to love yourself first, as if you can really love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, then nobody can make a victim out of you, as you would never allow them to get that far. Perhaps it would help if you start an affair with yourself, go out and discover new hobbies and things that make you happy first. Go out with friends rather than love interests or pursuits. Have fun "with you". You may all of a sudden discover that you are surrounded by different kinds of people. People who would respect and honour you, as you would respect and honour yourself. Like attracting like.
andysart380
just have fun when you meet a guy you like who doesnt want to just have sex and actually wants to go do things with you then your all set....just have fun with guys for now...and leave men wanting more we like that...but not saying be a tease...dont lead us on to anything we arent getting
atul2242
Finding the partner right of you is important and can turn lovely.
But it's true that sex is over-rated... and one comes alone into this world and dies alone...
So it's better to have a simple life rather than an exploited one.....
macky
iyepes wrote:
Please don't take this personal, I just need lots of points, so I will take advantage to post some points of view.

I can tell that after 22 years on the romantic arena, I am totally tired, I am sick of selfish men, unfaithful men, married men, lyar men, clueless men, non-compromised men, erratic men, lost child men, with a girlfriend men, just looking for sex men, cheater men, If I find more adjectives I will add them later.

I always have said that not all men are the same, but I am arriving to the conclusion that yes, they are not the same, everyone finds a diferent way to deal you badly. Ok, that is an exageration, I have met a couple of good ones, but they are already married or in a serious relationship or have no interest at all about me.

So I have arrive a time in life when I prefer stay clean of guys, take note I am not interested on women for a change, just the celibacy suits good to me now.


Quote:

PostPosted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 3:51 pm Post subject: clean of guys
So, If I want celibacy, what I will do instead of dating? (I am answering myself because I need points, I am not insane.... by now)

Well, I suppose I will continue doing most of the things I usually do, because I do not count with a permanent trustable partner since many years ago. I can count with esporadic partners, who last lesser that a flower in the spring (a month as much).

So I will focus on my friends, female friends, male friends. People who bring me serenity, good feelings, people to share my time, my knowledge, the simple things of life.


Well if that is your choice then go on girl..But one thing for sure, having a partner is better than your alone..sleeping at night alone...But if ever you decide to change your mind and looking for your partner, the best way to do is put all of those things that you learn from the past. Don't push your self too much even your totally sure that the guy you love is closer to perfection..
Arnie
iyepes thinks she herself is a 'clean' girl? Think again...
iyepes
Da Rossa wrote:

Im sorry, but I have reasons to believe you haven't lived all those experiences by yourself.

Unluckyly I have to say it has been all my experience. I'm not telling stories about anyone.

Da Rossa wrote:
1- havent look around well, beucase there are still some good people in the world;

Yeah, I hope there is still good men in the world, but I haven't met them...... yet.

Da Rossa wrote:
2- you're looking for something too perfect. That's not feasible. You can eventually find a "perfect" man in your life, but the time looking and or waiting will not worth it.

I think asking for a: not selfish, faithful, no married, not lyar, not clueless, compromised, non erratic, not lost child, not with a girlfriend, not just looking for sex, non cheater; it's not looking for a perfect man, just for one wanting to be with me, and non simultaneously with anyone else.

Da Rossa wrote:
o.s. write a book about your experiences.

When I'll be on my forties maybe I'll write a book and publish it online, changing the names obviously, most of the involved will be alive for that time Wink

Da Rossa wrote:
p.s.2: what's the big deal about a guy just looking for sex?

I want more, so, someone just looking for it is not enough to me.

Da Rossa wrote:
p.s. 3 most of them will lie, but not many to really deceive you.

I prefer the crude truth, not all people in this world likes it, but I really do.
iyepes
Arnie wrote:
iyepes thinks she herself is a 'clean' girl? Think again...


I think you missed the point, so I'll explain it to you.

I said, "clean of guys" as you said "clean of drugs". I had the idea that my relationships had been somehow addictive, so I'm getting clean of them.
iyepes
deanhills wrote:
This is probably not what you would like to hear iyepes, but it usually takes two to tango.

In fact you are telling me something I already know. All those people didn't came to my life by accident, I called them somehow.

deanhills wrote:
Maybe you are more focussed on the men, than on yourself

Yeap, that's one of the theories, so I want to stay away from relationships for a while.

deanhills wrote:
Have fun "with you". You may all of a sudden discover that you are surrounded by different kinds of people. People who would respect and honour you, as you would respect and honour yourself. Like attracting like.

That's what I want now, finding people who give you a free hug, who share time with you without other intentions, just wanting to spend a good time with me.

the only difficult part, is that I still feel alone sometimes. I can't deny I still want a partner only for me, but it seems not feasible by now.
TrueFact
Well, just q quick hint, are you one of the type that always catch the bad sides on everyone around you?

Of course, every man, woman and child have a purpose behind any and every relation s/he seeks. Yes, I admit that many men will act just like the movie "The Ugly Truth" but that doesn't mean every single man does.

You want a perfect man, but sorry, there's no perfect man or woman... Every man you'll ever meet will have his weaknesses and strengths. So try to track the positive sides then compare it against the negative one.

You've said earlier that you've found two good and decent men but unfortunately they were married or in a serious relationship. Did you ever pause to see what did you consider them as good men? Mostly you did because you've just seen them in a practical life. If you dig deeper, you'll find all the negative sides in them.

Hope the best for you
deanhills
iyepes wrote:
That's what I want now, finding people who give you a free hug, who share time with you without other intentions, just wanting to spend a good time with me.

the only difficult part, is that I still feel alone sometimes. I can't deny I still want a partner only for me, but it seems not feasible by now.
Sounds like a great plan. Maybe you should try just for a little while to be your own best partner. Have you noticed how people who really like themselves attract people who want to share in that admiration? We usually meet special people when we are least focussed on "partners", as there is nothing as attractive as someone with a busy life enjoying her/his own pursuits, someone who has a very strong sense of "self".
iyepes
Obviously if you dig, dig and dig, you will find bad things about anyone, we aren't angels, we are humans with errors (me included). But this is not the case, I'm not finding faults on others, what I have is a very clear image of what I don't tolerate: selfiness, unfaithfulness, married, lyars, clueless, non-compromised, erratic, lost children, with a girlfriend, just looking for sex, cheaters.

I'm pretty sure there are men who don't fit those schemas, I want one of them for me. He wont be perfect, but he will have defects I could tolerate.

You are right that most attractive people is more focused on themselves. I will lose this needed puppy face one of this days. I'm working on it Smile
Crinoid
Thanks for the post, it is witty and educative, to the point and a good reality check for media propaganda campaign Very Happy
deanhills
iyepes wrote:
I will lose this needed puppy face one of this days. I'm working on it Smile
Right, you are, and no practice no progress. On the other hand, do we ever loose our needy puppy faces, as that can be pretty special too? Perhaps we learn to put masks over them, and in certain cases where it is needed that is good, but in other cases one probably needs to show your vulnerability or there will be no progress at all. Smile
iyepes
It's better than people don't notice how needy you are, but it's always good to ask for help when you really need it.
Bluedoll
In the farm yard, there are definitely waddling ducks and some dirty little peckers, I agree but all is not lost - there is a wonderful little rubber yellow ducky in my tub with soap and bubbles for my pleasure.
Very Happy

I see you gathering a few pointers iyepes and that is good I think, after all, maybe you never know one point just might be the one for you and it sure doesn’t hurt either in my humble opinion to put on that very special face that says clearly, I am me!

Maybe I am old fashioned or still have not learned enough to get by in this sometimes cruel world but I really do think it all comes down to simple basics.

We need to feel passion (one thing - anything- a choice) in our life. It is really what we and only we are passionate about.
We need love. How we give and receive, I suppose is all life is about.


Please, excuse, I am not attempting to advise but only writing what I believe is true, for me anyway, maybe others too.

iyepes I think it is ok to conduct our life in any manner we choose providing we are honest and positive with any decision and true to our hearts.
mk12327
Like many others had said, not all men are that bad as you made them out to be. There is no need to simply "flush" men out of your life. All you have to do is not to try so hard to find one. It is totally fine to have friends of the opposite gender yet not going into a romantic relationship. Some men can be great friends but not great lovers.
iyepes
mk12327 wrote:
It is totally fine to have friends of the opposite gender yet not going into a romantic relationship. Some men can be great friends but not great lovers.


I really have very good male friends, but all those friendship keep that way. It never develops in the romantic arena. Moreover, a man who I dated and totally discarded as a feasible couple, because he has some of the characteristics I symply can't stand, he became into a very good friend after.
mk12327
I have a guess, but feel free to challenge my guess. My guess would be that for your previous relationships, there are many in which you relent to the guy's physical approaches despite you not willing in your heart. From there, you suddenly find the guy very different from what you thought he was. Sometimes it is true that we have misconceptions of people in the beginning, while other times, we are just being uncertain of the person we are with and mistakenly think they he/she is not the right one for us.

Guys tend to progress in a relationship from a physical attraction (looks or certain character the person displays) and after spending time with the girl, develops emotional and psychological attraction.

Girls and the other hand works the opposite way. They usually get attracted psychologically and emotionally before feeling physically attracted to a guy. Of course there are always exceptions to everything.

If my guess for your case is correct, chances are you are only emotionally and psychologically attracted to your bf and by fulfilling his physical attraction without yourself moving to that stage yet, the relationship breaks down. If you are not comfortable being physically close to a guy, don't do it then. If he respects you, he will respect your decision. What's more, by not giving in to his physically attraction early, you give him more time to know you better and develop his emotional and psychological attraction.
iyepes
hmmmm, I haven't had a boyfriend in decades, only affairs, and I got tired of them. Your guess is wrong in that way.

I'm simply not looking for anyone now. Celibacy is the right state to me, since I prefer non-complicated relationships.

I want to know people, share experiences, time. I don't need physical intimacy now, I want emotional intimacy.
mk12327
iyepes wrote:
hmmmm, I haven't had a boyfriend in decades, only affairs, and I got tired of them. Your guess is wrong in that way.

I'm simply not looking for anyone now. Celibacy is the right state to me, since I prefer non-complicated relationships.

I want to know people, share experiences, time. I don't need physical intimacy now, I want emotional intimacy.


I see. Regardless of how things turn out, it is definitely beneficial to know yourself and what you really want. And it seems to me that you do know what you want right now, which is good. =)
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