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Protection or Possesiveness?





cr3ativ3
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fx-trading-education
It looks to me that you love this girl but your moral barrier (like she is too young for you) make that you claim it to be just friendship.

So if you stay in your scheme "just friendship" it is fine to give her your advice but anyway she will probably do what she wants. That means probably some stupid things (many people do some stupid things anyway) but you are not responsible of things that you cannot control. You are not her father and even if you would be you cannot fully control her. So give your best advice and that's all.

If you decide to go over the friendship and admit that you really love her, then tell her and act as such. If she is telling you the bad things that an other guy tell her then probably she expects some reaction from you. Otherwise why would she tell you that, it is very private isn't it.
Greatking
these are one of the reasons why i think being plain and clear with anything i life makes life easier to live and enjoy. if she is your friend the speak to her. its fear of offending people or losing them that stops us from advicing them. if she is special to you then please speak to her about what she is getting herself into. this may upset her now, but later if anything should go wrong, she would remember that you tried to protect her. this i believe! you may look the bad guy now, but trust me when the time is right, and if she has got any sense at all she would realize you were trying to save her.
cr3ativ3
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deanhills
I doubt your feelings are unique. Most guys have this intrinsic need to protect the women in their lives. Some women however have greater developed abilities to make the men feel responsible for protecting them. This girl may be a good example and have it developed into a form of art. Have you thought about it that the men you want to protect her from, may feel exactly the same as you do. All of it being based on what she tells them, and what she tells you? She obviously likes to keep guys intrigued that way? Perhaps better not to take her at her word, this may be a trap that you do not want to fall into.

I know what you mean with addiction, and it is most important you get out of it. Best way is to ask other girls out, as that is real. Do more social and get to know other women. Does not have to be dates, just circulating and talking to other girls. Internet is not real and the MSNs are messing with your mind.
BinahZ
cr3ativ3 said:
Quote:
The thing is she is really outgoing and seems to like the "bad guys" (as all girls do), but I meen there is this one guy that she talks to her and when she tells me about what he says to her... its completely indecent of any guy to speak to a girl that way... (I cant really quote anything it would be to explicit for these forums) but for some reason she loves being treated like shit (or ass) by him


All girls do NOT like "bad guys", that is a common misconception. Of course there are "some" that do, but many dont. I am afraid this statment says alot. Perhaps instead of looking for ways to protect (control) your "friend" you should look for ways to empower her as a person. So that she is more competent in taking care of herself and making good choices.
cr3ativ3
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BinahZ
cr3ativ3 said:
Quote:
I must say how amazing it is that some girls can cause guys to be addicted to them in such a way.


Spoken like a true addict . Smile
Why is she responsible for your addiciton? I happen to work in the field and that comment could have come from any one of the heroin or crack addicts I deal with. (I used because they ...fill in the blank)
Mirrors can be much more enlightening than binoculars.
cr3ativ3
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mk12327
I guess protection and posessiveness is only separated by a thin line. Everything has to be maintained at a balance, same goes for protection and possesiveness. If you fail to protect someone enough, they think you do no care about them. Unfortunately, when you try to hard to care or portect them, it went beyond what they can comprehend and claims that you are trying to control them.

Back to your problem, seems like you had made a choice to have negative thoughts or opinions about her and avoid her in order to "solve" your problem. I personally think that it is an effective but unhealthy solution. Because essentially, you are trying to "get away" rather than tackling the roots of the problem. If you somehow met her on the streets or she tries to contact you, i think it would make matter worse. Since people usually had an even stronger urge when suddenly faced with something that they desperately tries to avoid.
cr3ativ3
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mk12327
Have a good talk with her. (Face to face if possible) I might sound like the bad guy, but since you had already committed yourself to avoiding her, it wouldn't hurt too much if after the talk the friendship collapses right?

Ask her all that you wishes to find out from her that you think is appropriate to ask. Tell her what you think of the situation and what are her opinions on them.

I might not be a professional who can suggest the best solution for you, but at least this is what I would do if it was me.
cr3ativ3
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mk12327
Actually i do face this kind of situation every now and then. Having to talk to or discuss with someone but simply can't find the "right" time or place to talk about it. The fear of doing it at the wrong time and making things worse. I do understand how you feel. What I usually do to overcome this is to talk to her about regular or casual topics to see if is in the mood to talk about things.

For example, if you notice her answers to your questions are short or that you sense that she is irritable, then do not go into the "main" topic. However, if you sense that she is willing to talk things with you, then you can slowly transit to discussing about the "main" topic. The key here is to talk to her casually and test the waters first before you jump into it. But sometimes you just have to take a risk if you can't decide if she is in the mood.
cr3ativ3
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mk12327
May I know who old is she? Maybe she has not seen enough of the world to know the cruel realities of life or that she is still immature?
cr3ativ3
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mk12327
Does she has any siblings? I'm assuming she is living with her mom. Being lack of fatherly love, it is natural for her to have the tendency to have more male friends then female friends.

Probably because of her single parent background that she finds friends and peers for support and social acceptance. This also possibly led to her appearance of being outgoing and hanging around with people who are "popular". She might be hoping to seek support and attention by appearing outgoing or associating with popular people.

However, most people like this usually keep alot of emotions and thoughts to themselves and act as though they are happy when internally, they are not. If that is the case, then it explains why she avoids serious conversations. She could be afraid that people might "dig" deep enough into her thoughts and trigger her internal emotions.

Age is not a good measurement for maturity. I know alot of people who could be in their twenties yet still have childish mentality. On the other hand, there are also many people who can think logically and maturely even though they are very young. So not to worry so much about your own age but rather, try to draw lessons from experiences you go through in your life. =)
cr3ativ3
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mk12327
Different people require different approaches to make them open up their inner self. I guess on this aspect I wouldn't be able to give you advice since you are the one that knows her better than I do.

Basically you need to make her trust you enough before she is willing to let you into her inner feelings.
RubySlasher
If you're not in love with her, then back off. She doesn't want another dad.
Go get addicted to some video game or mmorpg. (Sports are probably healthier, though.)
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