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Way more than I bargained for?





HappyDad
Hi, I'm new here, but I've got this 'discovery' that's eating me up inside. I just got out of a marriage of 10 yrs. My ex left me for another guy, who happens to be her father's age. Turns out she's a victim of incest, by her father. Now, six months later, I met a woman who is 33, like me. She also just got out of a marriage of ten years. She left her husband. He ended up not wanting to have kids, despite her desire to...
So, I've known her since March. I have huge morals relative to what most people I've met considering sex. I've only had two partners before. Both were long-term, as in 3+ yrs and the ex-wife. So I have custody as well, of a five year old little boy. (If I bounce around, sorry! Hard to be concise.)
Anyway, I just found out that my new woman, who seems perfect, was having an online affair with a guy during the last few months of her marriage. She was doing webcam shows, sexual and explicit..clearly. The other guy was in another country. Given my divorce, I found that 'a bit disturbing' to say the least. . .
Then I discover that after her divorce, which was last October, she had been on Sexsearch and Adult Friend Finder..and who knows what else. She had screwed at least 15 people. Married guys, horny guys, etc. She also had menage a trois with her female best friend and that friend's live-in boyfriend. The did the lesbian type menage, along with both having intercourse etc with the male. One of her many AFF guy f-buddies was a bisexual male.
She says (after I found all this proof in her recklessly left paper trail on the computer desk) that she stopped screwing guys just 2 days before meeting me and my son.

My problem is I'd never have met her had I known. ALL those diseases, etc. I'm so grossed out it's not funny. I even saw one of the webcam vids where she gave oral sex to a guy she'd just met for a nooner ...during her regular work day. She met him at her home just to do it.

I find it hard to have any confidence that someone who has spent over half a year just screwing anything in sight, w/o descrimination, can be trustworthy.

What would YOU do if you were in situation? I have a little boy that I want to bestow a trustworthy mommy...and I'm so grossed out. Especially that lesbian menage a trois and sharing the male ..*gag*
atul2242
dont be in a hurry....
apple
Be the best daddy you can be, don't spend your time trying to find a worthy mommy. When the time is right you'll meet a nice lady who is worthy of you and your son's love and attention. Don't rush into anything with anyone cause you think your son needs a woman in his life.
BigGeek
I agree with what apple said, forget about trying to find a woman for your son, and just be the best father you can be.

As far as your friend that has screwed everything under the sun for the last year, you need to give her a break. I've seen this reaction from both men and women. It is the old, your heart was broken, so you go out and screw as many people and try as many different things in order to try and forget the one that broke your heart. Not everyone handles a break up the same way, and you need to give her a little understanding in that area. I have a male friend I work with that is going through the same thing, his wife of 14 years broke his heart and left him, and he is on all the sites you mentioned, and out screwing as many different women as he can, threesomes and the rest.

Myself I got divorced 3 years ago, and I'm so happy to be by myself with no one but my little poodle to hang with, that I have no intention of finding a new relationship. I'm old, I'm tired, and I'm done being nagged, yelled at and dealing with all the drama, I'm looking forward to a peaceful old age, by myself.

If it grosses you out to know these things about her, then you need to let her go, but don't tell her your grossed out, just tell her it isn't your thing right now and leave it at that. The worst thing you can do, is try to stay with her, feeling grossed out, by her past behavior, and then spend the whole relationship angry, disgusted, or untrusting of her, and having that underlying emotion taint the whole relationship. Of course if you can forgive her, and let it go, and love her anyway, that is always an option. I guess you are in a wierd situation that you are going to have to sort out, but I urge you above all else be honest with yourself Cool
Greatking
i think you should take it easy. you sound like such a nice guy just from the few sentences i have read about your life. life is too beautiful yet too short to spend it being misreable. good stuff still happens and happens to good guys like yourself. espercially with a son involved take it even easy. you are a keeper. people change to become better people but then so do they become worse. study people and pray is all i can say. your son has his mother and you. its not easy to raise a child without a family neither is it good to raise a child in a bad relationship. something good will turn up it always does! after the storm then the quite. we are not suppose to judge so just study the lady if you like, you move on with her, if not then a better one will come along. affliction doesn't happen twice, my bible tells me so.
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