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Unprotected sex





iyepes
Recently I started something that I don't know if I could name "dating" with a person I've known for years (since University).

We have some intimacy and we had unprotected sex. Ok, it was my mistake, I should have said no, but I didn't. After that I asked him, have you ever tested you for AIDS? and he answered, No, all my encounters have been with trustable people, so I've never considered a need.

I was a little shocking to me, specially because I found out he haven't used protection with his former couples.

I asked him to have a test, before being with me and always use protection, he said OK, but he haven't taken the test yet. So, I totally refuse having intimacy with him again.

How can a person can be so naive about this? I mean, non having being tested if he usually don't use protection. He expects to have unprotect sex with me, but I won't accept that.
Solon_Poledourus
iyepes wrote:
Recently I started something that I don't know if I could name "dating" with a person I've known for years (since University).
As well you should refuse to have sex with him if he refuses to have an AIDS test. You should also get yourself tested, just to be on the safe side.

I would recommend you asking him to go with you and you both can get tested together, he may be more willing to do it then. Or you can get tested first, and tell him you have been tested, and refuse to have sex with him until he also gets tested. Whatever you do, always look out for your own safety first in this matter. You can't make the decision for him, but you can do what you must to keep yourself safe.

Good luck, I hope it works out.
driftingfe3s
Yeah, its sad too because there are a lot of people who have STDs and they don't know it and are spreading it around because they are too lazy, naive or whatever to get tested
patyffm
Im gay and I would not even try once. This is just the most dangerous thing you could do. So there is absolutely no need to ask the other person, either you know or dont know him/her "since uni"...
gtoroap
Well, unprotected sex is not a crime, or an apocalyptic thing. I know that everyone has to be protected against AIDS or another disease, but if you think it very well, unprotected sex is so exciting and make so pleasure to anyone... that the risk is affordable.
Solon_Poledourus
gtoroap wrote:
Well, unprotected sex is not a crime, or an apocalyptic thing. I know that everyone has to be protected against AIDS or another disease, but if you think it very well, unprotected sex is so exciting and make so pleasure to anyone... that the risk is affordable.
I really hope you are joking... "...the risk is affordable..."? In this day and age, you should be ashamed of yourself for advocating unprotected sex with the defense that it's worth the risk.
deanhills
Solon_Poledourus wrote:
gtoroap wrote:
Well, unprotected sex is not a crime, or an apocalyptic thing. I know that everyone has to be protected against AIDS or another disease, but if you think it very well, unprotected sex is so exciting and make so pleasure to anyone... that the risk is affordable.
I really hope you are joking... "...the risk is affordable..."? In this day and age, you should be ashamed of yourself for advocating unprotected sex with the defense that it's worth the risk.
Agreed. I'm a little shocked too. Looks as though Elton John was right. You think you have been educating for a while, but in a number of years you need to start from scrach with the educating, as it gets desensitized, so becomes a neverending cycle of educating and re-educating. He has spent millions in projects and given his own personal time too. Good guy!
andysart380
ive only done this with one person....it does FEEL a lot better...no constriction....but if you dont know you really should protect yourself...

as for him not taking a test...if he thinks hes ok then he should have nothing to worry about and might as well get tested..if they say he has something then its a good thing he got tested and now you'll know... i say dont cave in just do what it takes to get him tested if it matters that much..wich it would to me if it were a reverse situation.
iyepes
I know I can get tested, but, I'll have to wait six months to the test be trustable. I prefered him being tested, so I can be relaxed earlier, but if he doesn't, I'll make my own appointment in few months.

Actually I haven't had sex with him since that, he says he will be test but he haven't done it yet, so, I refuse contact.

I almost enter in panic when he told me about a former girlfriend who also have a boyfriend (who was not him) at the same time than dating him. It's a wondering definition of trustable people what he has. Shocked
matam
Unprotected sex is stupid for stranger people.
BinahZ
Does the term "russian roulette" sound familiar?
I agree he needs to be tested and you need to also for a baseline. Then retested later.
Da Rossa
iyepes wrote:
Recently I started something that I don't know if I could name "dating" with a person I've known for years (since University).

We have some intimacy and we had unprotected sex. Ok, it was my mistake, I should have said no, but I didn't. After that I asked him, have you ever tested you for AIDS? and he answered, No, all my encounters have been with trustable people, so I've never considered a need.

I was a little shocking to me, specially because I found out he haven't used protection with his former couples.

I asked him to have a test, before being with me and always use protection, he said OK, but he haven't taken the test yet. So, I totally refuse having intimacy with him again.

How can a person can be so naive about this? I mean, non having being tested if he usually don't use protection. He expects to have unprotect sex with me, but I won't accept that.


Well, you made a mistake, but you're absolutely right since then. Some men like to possess women, having unprotected sex, which is indeed better. But it's not worthy the risk. The good moment will be mitigated by unsafety. You should push him against the wall and have an honest conversation. Tell him you like being with him, but not under this conditions.

One question: did he hang out with someone else after having sex with you?

Edit: HIV is not the only problem. Getting pregnant is something to be considered also.
missdixy
You have every right to demand such a test, and you should continue to deny him unprotected sex until he does so! Meanwhile you may consider using a condom but still, I think that if he really cares he'll make an appointment and get tested. It's not that hard.
asim13june
iyepes wrote:
Recently I started something that I don't know if I could name "dating" with a person I've known for years (since University).

We have some intimacy and we had unprotected sex. Ok, it was my mistake, I should have said no, but I didn't. After that I asked him, have you ever tested you for AIDS? and he answered, No, all my encounters have been with trustable people, so I've never considered a need.

I was a little shocking to me, specially because I found out he haven't used protection with his former couples.

I asked him to have a test, before being with me and always use protection, he said OK, but he haven't taken the test yet. So, I totally refuse having intimacy with him again.

How can a person can be so naive about this? I mean, non having being tested if he usually don't use protection. He expects to have unprotect sex with me, but I won't accept that.


Well i think you should take him to get the test done, i mean if you love him, or else you can just be friends, and avoid sex. Thats it. Right now the concern is you, so get yourself checked if you are negative, wats better.
sourojit
Unprocted SEX!!!!! not a good practice,it has many dangerous outcomes like AIDS(depends on partners) and pregnancy.
A protection should be used though it may reduce feelings to a small extent.but dosent matter if it is providing safety.
Da Rossa
In the end, you will see that unprotected sex has not reason to happen unless the couple is married. Why going through such a risk? That's even stupidity. The act itself may be delicious, but the days after are gonna be painfull in worries. Not a good trade.

I even got frightened after having protected sex with somebody.
tukun
iyepes wrote:
Recently I started something that I don't know if I could name "dating" with a person I've known for years (since University).

We have some intimacy and we had unprotected sex. Ok, it was my mistake, I should have said no, but I didn't. After that I asked him, have you ever tested you for AIDS? and he answered, No, all my encounters have been with trustable people, so I've never considered a need.

I was a little shocking to me, specially because I found out he haven't used protection with his former couples.

I asked him to have a test, before being with me and always use protection, he said OK, but he haven't taken the test yet. So, I totally refuse having intimacy with him again.

How can a person can be so naive about this? I mean, non having being tested if he usually don't use protection. He expects to have unprotect sex with me, but I won't accept that.



we should not shame on testing this type of things its necessary to get tested male fellows are too much egoistic in thius type of testing the should not risk there life and others too every one should become nmature in this type of things and no proper medicine is been devloped up till now so government should take some strict action although all the necessary actions are been taken by the government then also some people doesn't understand the seriousnes of this matter
programitv
Yeah.., it is totally irresponsible from his part to neglect something like this. He does not care about himself and he does not care about you. It is normal to refuse to have any more sex with him.
zbale
I guess the best way would be to go with him for a test, not because it is a way of making sure he goes but because it is a way of making things less dramatic and being able to talk it over. When I say to go with him, I also mean you should have yourself tested too. If you really care about him, I believe you should keep on trying to convince him and keep on denying him intimacy. If you do not care that much about him, drop him, have yourself tested, and move on.
iyepes
I got tested a few months ago, and I ended up with chlamidya and gardenella. Luckyly anything else, I got treatment. Then I told him that, and finally he stated an appointment with a doctor.

The most shocking thing to me was what the doctor did, since he had no symptoms, he didn't screened any test for him!!!! Shocked Those kind of illness have no symptoms many times, and the doctor didn't send any kind of test!!!!!! About my chlamidya the doctor said, it's a STD, you can't tell if she got it from you or you got it from her...... What kind of answer is that form a physician?

I finished any kind of sexual contact with him. I can't trust him, even his doctor. I got my treatment, I don't want this careless man and his irresponsible doctor.
zbale
iyepes wrote:
I finished any kind of sexual contact with him. I can't trust him, even his doctor. I got my treatment, I don't want this careless man and his irresponsible doctor.


A good (though not necessarily easy) choice, iyepes. Have a complete recovery!
Ophois
iyepes wrote:
I got tested a few months ago, and I ended up with chlamidya and gardenella. Luckyly anything else, I got treatment. Then I told him that, and finally he stated an appointment with a doctor.
I am truly sorry to hear that, iyepes. At least what you have is easily treatable, compared to what you could have had.
Quote:
The most shocking thing to me was what the doctor did, since he had no symptoms, he didn't screened any test for him!!!! Shocked Those kind of illness have no symptoms many times, and the doctor didn't send any kind of test!!!!!! About my chlamidya the doctor said, it's a STD, you can't tell if she got it from you or you got it from her...... What kind of answer is that form a physician?
True, many STD's do not have any symptoms at all, and some symptoms are often mistaken for something else. The doctors answer, while disturbing, is an honest one. There is no way to tell who got it from who. Though he very well should have tested the guy.
Quote:
I finished any kind of sexual contact with him. I can't trust him, even his doctor. I got my treatment, I don't want this careless man and his irresponsible doctor.
Sorry to hear it had to end this way between you two, but as I said before(under my previous account of Solon), you have to look after your own safety first. It's a tough decision you made, but a very wise one. I wish you all the best in the future.

Quite some time ago, I worked in a clinic where all we did was blood tests for AIDS/HIV and other STD's. I can tell you from my experience, it is not easy to tell someone they have any kind of STD, and giving someone the news that they have AIDS or HIV is downright heart breaking. Most people, when they got the news that they had AIDS/HIV, went into emotional shock. Some cried, some denied it, some went completely hysterical, and some just sat there silently weeping. But each and every one of them were filled with fear, a very justifiable fear.

While the medical community says AIDS/HIV is not necessarily a death sentence, the fact is that it is a killer, of astounding proportions. When people choose to have sex, I recommend both people involved always being tested first, as well as wearing condoms. I have seen too many people get diagnosed with this virus, and too many die. A test is a small act of responsibility which can save not only your life, but your partners life as well.

My best wishes to you, iyepes. I'm sure you will find a guy who gives you the respect you deserve, and you both can have a safe and enjoyable life together, sexually and otherwise.
andysart380
just feels better without the rubber
apple
why did you go to his doctor? Can't you go to someone independently?

andysart380, it is better without the rubber but not if you are unsure about your partner.
Da Rossa
You see, begging for unprotected sex without being married is kinda stupid. Yes, because the man can feel it better, fine. But you got two diseases for allowing it.

Leave unprotected sex for your marriage.
airh3ad
Well before deciding to have unprotected sex, it is recommended that couples have a sexual health check, consider pregnancy and birth control issues and discuss issues relating to monogamy in the relationship. Sometimes couples who choose to have partners outside the relationship agree upon rules, such as always using a condom when they have a sexual partner outside the relationship, or avoiding penetrative sex with the other partner.The best way to avoid these risks is to practice safe sex with your partner or maintain a planned monogamous relationship.
I think if you are concerned about an unintended pregnancy, you should discuss emergency contraception with your family planning, sexual health clinic or local doctor. There are a few types of emergency contraception available, but you will need to start your treatment within 72 hours of unprotected sex. Taken within 12 hours of unprotected sex, treatment is known to be more effective.
iyepes
apple wrote:
why did you go to his doctor? Can't you go to someone independently?

andysart380, it is better without the rubber but not if you are unsure about your partner.


I didn't go to his doctor. He told me what his doctor said. If that MD would have told me that to me, I simply had walked out from his office inmediatelly.

My Gynecologist send me a treatment and I'm ok now.
iyepes
airh3ad wrote:
I think if you are concerned about an unintended pregnancy, you should discuss emergency contraception with your family planning, sexual health clinic or local doctor. There are a few types of emergency contraception available, but you will need to start your treatment within 72 hours of unprotected sex. Taken within 12 hours of unprotected sex, treatment is known to be more effective.


Emergency contraception is against my beliefs, so it's deffinitely out of the screen.
Da Rossa
Emergeny contraception doesn't exist. It is either contraception or abortion.

Instead of being put throught the big hassle of having each other to healthcheck, several exams, plus the daily reminds of "how things are?" (pregancy and pills), why not using the damn condom and you're relieved? Ok, I agree it's not as good as the bare sex. But sex is not only about penetration. Its about being together, the all "chemistry" involved, the touch, and the pleasure should emerge automatically.

That's my humble opinion.
watersoul
iyepes wrote:
I got tested a few months ago, and I ended up with chlamidya and gardenella


Hey, sorry to hear your unfortunate news, but on the other hand it's probably the best lesson you could have learned. At least you totally understand the real risks of catching STD's now, and thankfully for you they were treatable with no permanent damage except a nasty fright.

Some good advice in this thread, like, waiting until a relationship is deep/secure/loving before having sex, and both people getting tested beforehand.
In the real world though, us humans do get carried away in the moment sometimes! So, my advice would be carry a condom always, just in case. That simple little thing can save a whole lifetime of potential problems and although not perfect, a 99% protection is better than none.

Oh, and if you're with a guy who doesn't want to use that condom you should drop him like a poisonous snake - he's clearly played the same tricks with other people as well Shocked
iyepes
----- like a poisonous snake ------- I like that one, so describing of the situation.
iyepes
Read above, I took the test more than eight months ago Razz
Da Rossa
Trust me. Testing is not everything.
Actually, if you're with a fixed sexual partner, then you don't need to test as often as a porn actress. But this is where naive people (specially the youth in my country) fall in the trap:

"I don't use condom because I trust my boyfriend".
(I saw that in the news last week, when they were covering people having sex too early)
The appropriate answer for this kiddie would be:
SHUT THE F*** UP STUPID, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. (not only they can't tell if their partner has really been honest, but there is pregnancy as well.)
"But I regularly take the pill my doctor told me to, so pregnancy is not the issue"
- Stupid again. Not only the contraceptives have their trust flaws, but also they mess up with women's systems. Not deep enough, but its not a chocolate.

So, my friend. Not everything is black on white. I know the examples don't directly concern you, but you and those teenagers are quite in the same page of something.
furtasacra
gtoroap wrote:
Well, unprotected sex is not a crime, or an apocalyptic thing. I know that everyone has to be protected against AIDS or another disease, but if you think it very well, unprotected sex is so exciting and make so pleasure to anyone... that the risk is affordable.


The risk of having a disease for the rest of your life is acceptable? Are you joking or just stupid? Unprotected sex SHOULD be a crime, if you have a disease.
ponda
Recently I started something that I don't know if I could name "dating" with a person I've known for years (since University).

We have some intimacy and we had unprotected sex. Ok, it was my mistake, I should have said no, but I didn't. After that I asked him, have you ever tested you for AIDS? and he answered, No, all my encounters have been with trustable people, so I've never considered a need.

I was a little shocking to me, specially because I found out he haven't used protection with his former couples.

I asked him to have a test, before being with me and always use protection, he said OK, but he haven't taken the test yet. So, I totally refuse having intimacy with him again.

How can a person can be so naive about this? I mean, non having being tested if he usually don't use protection. He expects to have unprotect sex with me, but I won't accept that.
-----------------------------------------
You talk about him being naive but it is equally naive to have sex with someone you don't know that well, especially unprotected sex. But what's done is done, you should go get yourself tested and see what's up.
Da Rossa
Quote:
I asked him to have a test, before being with me and always use protection, he said OK, but he haven't taken the test yet. So, I totally refuse having intimacy with him again.

Good, always ask/demand him/her to take the test. Good attitude to refuse after his slowness.
iyepes
People usually read only the first post not the whole history.

Yeah, I was also naive. But I got tested almost six months ago, and BTW, I never return to physical contact with him anymore. Too risky to me, and I changed my mind about pre-marital sex too much during this last year. Celibacy is my best option right now. The only method 100% safe against STDs and pregnancy Razz
Da Rossa
Some people in this forum may say I'm a hypocrite, but I congratulate your choice. Very strong and virtuous!
smit_alumni
Well unprotected sex sure feels better but you have to be absolutely sure about your partner's sexual history. unprotected sex is advisible only when you're practicing monogamy with no risk involved and pregnency is not as issue!
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