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so confused... what do you think?





PennyLane
2 months ago I met this amazing guy. After 2 weeks we decided to go on our first date (to the movies). It was fun, we kissed and we started a relationship. 3 days later he came to pick me up at home because he couldn't miss me.
It was fun and I even went to see his volleyball matches (and enjoyed them!!)

But then after a month he tells me that he is not ready for a relationship. It was too serious for him, and things went a bit fast for him. His previous relationship was just over when he met me, and he told me that she had made his life a hell, and he thought he had jumped into a new relationship too quick after that.

So, our relationship is over, because he isn't ready for a relationship. But he still texts me, he answers my texts and we still chat.

I don't know what I have to think about this situation. I still like him very much, and I want to give him a second chance when he's ready.

But I have some friends who say he just needed an excuse to get rid of me, and that he only liked me for the sex...

So... What do you think?
deanhills
PennyLane wrote:
he only liked me for the sex...
Your friends were right. Better to let him go completely. The worst you can do is show any interest right at this time. Discussion about him with your friends is also not a good thing. He has to get a message that you have moved on with your life. That means moving on and having fun without him in your life. As difficult as it may sound, this will be the most healing factor in your life. Thinking about what you have had when he has indicated he does not want a relationship with you, is being cruel to yourself.
apple
If he says he does not want to be in a relationship for whatever reason, the best thing you can do for yourself to to just let him be. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, who wants to make you smile and all that niceness.

How old are you?
tingkagol
Another victim of the classic rebound. Most guys are too weak and give in to whoever's available after a break up (no offense).

The fact that he's still texting you can mean two things - prudence OR he still doesn't want you off the hook. I'm sorry, but for your sake, you have to think that he's treating you like a book he put in a bookshelf - available to read for another day.





500th post. Yay.
PennyLane
@ apple: I'm 21, and so is he
apple
[quote="PennyLane"]@ apple: I'm 21, and so is he[/quote

ok love. My opinion is the same as before. You should let him go. Forget all the guys who want you to chase them and think that they are #1. You should want a guy who is considerate of your feelings and who has your best interest at heart. Not someone who seemingly cares once every 2 weeks.

Cheer up. I was single for all of my teenage years and just when I thought I'd never meet a great guy and gave up on it. He showed up. It can happen for you to.
PennyLane
apple wrote:
PennyLane wrote:
@ apple: I'm 21, and so is he


ok love. My opinion is the same as before. You should let him go. Forget all the guys who want you to chase them and think that they are #1. You should want a guy who is considerate of your feelings and who has your best interest at heart. Not someone who seemingly cares once every 2 weeks.

Cheer up. I was single for all of my teenage years and just when I thought I'd never meet a great guy and gave up on it. He showed up. It can happen for you to.


Eventhough it hurts, I think this is the best thing I can do... Thank you very much for your help Smile
Lamchops
Is this your first relationship? The first few break-ups always feel the worst.
Solon_Poledourus
I know this sounds very cliche...

No man is worth your tears, and the one who is will not make you cry.

As much as it sounds like a line from a 1980's coming of age movie with Molly Ringwald, it's very true.
PennyLane
Lamchops wrote:
Is this your first relationship? The first few break-ups always feel the worst.

No, it's my third real relationship
iyepes
Unluckyly I have to tell you I've heard that story before. He tells me it's too soon to start a new relationship, because he just has finished with his former girlfriend.... that was what he told me, but at the same time he was dating someone else, with whom he started a new relationship.

So, all that was a lie, instead of telling me I don't want a relationship with you, he told that lie. In fact I had to found out about his relationship by other means, because he never told the truth.

Move on, he doesn't want you near, be on your own for you own benefit. You deserver someone without obstacles to be with you.

Hugs!!!
apple
PennyLane wrote:
apple wrote:
PennyLane wrote:
@ apple: I'm 21, and so is he


ok love. My opinion is the same as before. You should let him go. Forget all the guys who want you to chase them and think that they are #1. You should want a guy who is considerate of your feelings and who has your best interest at heart. Not someone who seemingly cares once every 2 weeks.

Cheer up. I was single for all of my teenage years and just when I thought I'd never meet a great guy and gave up on it. He showed up. It can happen for you to.


Eventhough it hurts, I think this is the best thing I can do... Thank you very much for your help Smile


so how have you been?
PennyLane
I just found out today... He's got another one....
I know it sounds stupid, but I just can't stop shacking and crying. Feel so used and miserable.
I'm such a stupid little child.
Solon_Poledourus
PennyLane wrote:
I just found out today... He's got another one....
I know it sounds stupid, but I just can't stop shacking and crying. Feel so used and miserable.
I'm such a stupid little child.
Actually, the "stupid little child" is the one who lied to you and used you and played games with your emotions.

You are emotional over this, and it's perfectly natural to be. You are obviously compassionate and invest alot of your heart into a relationship. For that, I salute you. Too many people only go half way, and don't put their whole heart into it, and the fact that you are upset proves that you have. Congratulations; you are a loving human being, with a big heart that can be broken.

The world is seriously lacking in people like you, so don't ever bash yourself for being one amongst a rare few that keeps the poets and artists doing what they do.
fx-trading-education
PennyLane wrote:


But I have some friends who say he just needed an excuse to get rid of me, and that he only liked me for the sex...

So... What do you think?


I agree with your friends.

... And seeing from your last posts it seems that his interest is more as collecting as many girls as possible
iyepes
PennyLane, I hope you are doing it good now, and in the path to recover from that bad experience. It will give you more knowledge to avoid being dealed this way next time.

Take care.
PennyLane
iyepes: I would like to thank you for your kind words. It still hurts sometimes. There still are moments I stare at my wall and don't know what to do. My biggest concern right now (beside my exams) is to trust people again. Only this can help me I think in my further social life... I admit that this all had made me depressed, but with therapy the doctor says I will be back like I used to be in a couple of months.

Thank you all. It's amazing that eventhough you all don't know me, you are worried about me, and this gives me a warm feeling. And I never thought I would ever say this... But I think I could use a hug... Embarassed
Solon_Poledourus
**HUGS**

Comfort is found in the strangest of places sometimes.

Believe me, I know what it feels like to lose love. My fiance left me 2 weeks before our wedding was supposed to happen. It took a few years for me to get over it. Then I got engaged again, and she died of melanoma(a form of cancer)(*edit* - the second engagement was to a different woman). Things almost never go the way we plan them, and it can be very painful. The key is to know that you have given your best, and been as good of a person as you know how to be. The pain and pleasure that we experience in life is part of what makes us who we are. It's a roller coaster ride, and we have to take the "lows" along with the "highs". I'm sure you will find more strength than you thought you had before, and you will trust again, and love again.

In the mean time, take comfort in a hug from a stranger.
Ryox
It is hard to get past a relationship when you are in that kind of relationship when you love someone very much, and they decide that its not the best thing to get into that relationship.. but soon an or later the feelings for that person would go away...

**HUGS** It'll be okay!

I have recently been in that kind of relationship, hard to get by the feelings though. But you have to do what is best for you.
iyepes
(((((((HUGS))))))))

Every new person in you life is different, with time and openess you will trust again.

Good luck.
hangnhu
seems like a prick, keep away from him
or better yet, make him want you, make him jealous or something
if he takes the bait, then he was telling the truth and weren't ready for a relationship,
if he doesn't, then he was using you (after all, why waste more effort?)
but then again, it could all be a game
how well do you know him?

if you like him alot, mayhap you keep him as a friend, but don't close yourself to other poteintal relationship
wanshi
he just need an excuse
apple
PennyLane wrote:
I just found out today... He's got another one....
I know it sounds stupid, but I just can't stop shacking and crying. Feel so used and miserable.
I'm such a stupid little child.


you still sad love?
PennyLane
@ apple: to be honest, I still am. Not for him, but just because I think I have soms sort of problem to maintain social contacts with men... I'm gonna start taking some therapy because this makes me really nervous in company and my self esteem is very low now...
Greatking
if he was not ready for a relationship in the first place, then why should he lead you on for a month. that is why i like plain in this life. you like for ever or you dont. but dont lie to me or lead me on. let him go with his cowardice. yes i think anybody who behaves this way is a coward. some of us are very sensitive, so we take things plain and simple and easy. you just cant come be with me and then cut me off. he was disrespectful to you as a person. i am sorry you got hurt but life is good a better man will come your way.
apple
PennyLane wrote:
@ apple: to be honest, I still am. Not for him, but just because I think I have soms sort of problem to maintain social contacts with men... I'm gonna start taking some therapy because this makes me really nervous in company and my self esteem is very low now...


I understand that kinda sadness, I felt it for years. getting some sort of counsel is a good idea and I applaud your step. Why is your self esteem low? What are some of the things you don't like about yourself? If you are not comfortable answering out in the open send me a private message and I'll see how best I can help you Smile
bapmedclinic
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you're the rebound girl. I say pack up, and move on. You can do better and you can find someone who likes you for who you are, not just what you give him. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't as into it as you are...that's the recipe for heartache. Just let him go. If he didn't realize how great you are from the start than he's not going to. Accept the fact that you were his rebound and go find yourself a real man.
apple
bapmedclinic wrote:
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you're the rebound girl. I say pack up, and move on. You can do better and you can find someone who likes you for who you are, not just what you give him. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't as into it as you are...that's the recipe for heartache. Just let him go. If he didn't realize how great you are from the start than he's not going to. Accept the fact that you were his rebound and go find yourself a real man.


while I agree that she is the rebound girl. it is not as easy to just pick up and find a better man or a man with some worth, she must first find her own worth or people will continue to treat her like less.
andysart380
-------this can be turned into a new post-----



i dont know if im the only guy replying to this thread or not, but im not here for much help.

after reading all the post on this thread i am starting to see a few things in other light and i am afraid im doing the same thing now

i recently started seeing a girl and there is no label of boyfriend or girlfriend but i know she really likes me and i really like her to but i cant tell if i like her just because its a girl to have fun with or because i really do like her, and i dont want to take it to far and end up hurting her or using her because im not like that

i was destroyed by my ex girlfriend and this is really the first girl ive seen in about a year because i was so horribly depresed after the last one and didnt want anything to do with anyone, but now im starting to realize that im actually very handsom and outgoing and a lot of girls like me, so waht if im just taking the first girl available? i dont want to be going out with her just because i can. and she reallyu is sweet and i do have a great time with her and i havnt been this happy in forever

am i doing anything thats that wrong right now??

i just need to hear what girls have to say about this because i dont want to be using someone and im not an ******, but if i make a mistake and end up hurting her i wouldnt be able to handle it. should i see how things play out or should i stop where i am?? please help
apple
andysart380 wrote:
-------this can be turned into a new post-----



i dont know if im the only guy replying to this thread or not, but im not here for much help.

after reading all the post on this thread i am starting to see a few things in other light and i am afraid im doing the same thing now

i recently started seeing a girl and there is no label of boyfriend or girlfriend but i know she really likes me and i really like her to but i cant tell if i like her just because its a girl to have fun with or because i really do like her, and i dont want to take it to far and end up hurting her or using her because im not like that

i was destroyed by my ex girlfriend and this is really the first girl ive seen in about a year because i was so horribly depresed after the last one and didnt want anything to do with anyone, but now im starting to realize that im actually very handsom and outgoing and a lot of girls like me, so waht if im just taking the first girl available? i dont want to be going out with her just because i can. and she reallyu is sweet and i do have a great time with her and i havnt been this happy in forever

am i doing anything thats that wrong right now??

i just need to hear what girls have to say about this because i dont want to be using someone and im not an ******, but if i make a mistake and end up hurting her i wouldnt be able to handle it. should i see how things play out or should i stop where i am?? please help


being safe and not wanting to hurt the other person is not a bad thing. if you like this girl and you're not sure where you want the relationship to go, my advice is to maintain friends only until you do. you're on the right path already.
Da Rossa
IF he has indeed just quit a relationship, then its likely to be true that he's not ready for a new ride. Respect that. It can also be a possibility that he only liked you for sex. But that I can never tell you, but you can. With time you can see if he's being honest or not. What YOU can do: keep things the way they are right now. When you're tired, then you invite him for the serious chat. He will finally start a relationship with you or quit. In either case you're fine.
Fanghai
wow if it went as far as sex then it does sound kind of like an excuse to get rid of you
its time to move on
or you'll dig yourself in a hole you can't find your way out of
programitv
Hello..
It is hard to say what is going on in his head, but the fact he still wants to chat with you can mean that he likes you but probably he is not in the "relationship mood". I think if he would have lost all his interest he wouldn`t spend any more time sending messages etc.

Now it depends if you really like him so much to keep waiting that something happens (if he does not meet somebody else in the meantime). If I were you I wouldn`t spend too much time after him and move on, maybe when he realizes he really missed you he will want you back.. this time with real commitment from his part.

Cheers.
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