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Husbands should help wives in household chores





raaeft1
Husbands should help their wives or better halves in doing household chores be it in the kitchen or doing shopping for vegetables and groceries.
I don 't think this is a question of male ego being affronted or hurt. It is just mutual understanding and sharing of workload.
However, there is one small negativity---wives normally tend to criticise or nag hubbies over the manner in which they might perform in doing the household chores.
I feel that wives must appreciate the gesture of their hubbies in helping them out and not nag them for minor hiccups or imperfections which are bound to remain as men by nature have never done such womanly things in the past
Xanatos
I find that statement incredibly sexist. And I'm a man. You appear to be suggesting that women are naturally better at "household chores" than men. You then say that you want gratitude for doing something that according to you women should be doing.

If this is not the message you wish to send I suggest you take another look at your post.
deanhills
Xanatos wrote:
I find that statement incredibly sexist. And I'm a man. You appear to be suggesting that women are naturally better at "household chores" than men. You then say that you want gratitude for doing something that according to you women should be doing.

If this is not the message you wish to send I suggest you take another look at your post.
Exactly my take on it too when I saw the heading the first time round. Sounded like a big deal whether men should be participating in household chores or not. Too much protest in it. Smile
apple
I think that the chores/responsibilities should be shared and by shared I mean properly balanced.
Tho not all, many men have the idea that a woman/wife/gf is their maid/helper.
I know women also who have this type of thinking.
In my house I never have to ask my husband to do something, he takes it upon himself to pick up after himself. If he saw me do laundry, when he thinks its dry he'll pick up and pack away. If I cook, he'll wash up.

To the main poster. I think you're trying to make an excuse to get out of 'helping out', if that is the case...man up!
Greatking
i think men should help their wives with house chores. this attitude is best formed when growing up. some men like my father naturally enjoy helping women in the house. but those who don't seem to have that, they can always learn. i believe its great people who serve. so if you are a man who serves then you are great. its simply actually. wives should understand their men, and correct where needed but do not discourage the men from helping with house chores.
Subsonic Sound
Chores should be 50/50. That's all there is to say, really...

You don't need to split it LITERALLY down the middle - there's no need for one of you to vacuum half the house and the other to take over halfway. But an equal division of effort/time. One vacuum while the other cooks, perhaps.

Gender really doesn't enter into it, it's the same whether you're married and dividing labour with a spouse, or in a student house dividing labour with your room-mates.
coolclay
I agree, pretty lame original post. I think in a healthy relationship, both parties will naturally do as much as possible and look at it as helping out the person that they love, not a chore. I understand that some people work 60 hours a week, and look at that as their contribution, but it shouldn't be like that. It should be a never ending attempt at helping the other person out.
Phinx
I don't think you can actually can define 50/50 as appropriate division. What if women, despite the wish to be helped, doesn't want a man to do certain things? maybe she enjoys doing it, maybe she is sure that only she can do it (sexist or not, i think it is true that women are better at taking care of household, it is jut not a natural ability. It's the manifestation of their long training). What then? Division is good, but in the end each household is to decide who does what. Give him manly chores: take out the trash, take the dog for a walk, hover (make him believe it's too heavy for your feeble self and it's nothing for his masculine 'moi' Smile.
Subsonic Sound
Well no, you can't get an exactly, mathematically even split, but you know what I mean. Fair division, based on your circumstances. Weight it by ability, free time and preference if you need, but you should both be happy with it.
imera
my boyfriend has told me many times that it's the woman's job to take care of the house and children, I'm the one that will have to make food, wash, clean, change diaper on the future children and so on, it could be because he was growing up in a family where things were like that, and it wasn't only his family, the rest of the town/society is the same.
But even if I'm he one that will be stuck with those kind of things then it's not going to be the end of the world, if we decide later on that I should stay at home I'll be the one taking care of things in our home, but if I do work he will have to help out to. And of course, there are things he can do even if I should stay at home, things that I might just hate doing, lke washing the floor, or windows, hate to do that, but the rest I can manage.

I know it should be divided, but it's important not to get angry for the small things, as long as the men don't lie around in the house doing nothing at all I'm happy
kls25
I guess I'm really lucky. My husband has always helped out. There are times when he slacks off, but he usually notices. Then he'll do something really sweet like clean the kitchen, or something I'm putting off, because I obviously don't want to do it.
imera
kls25 wrote:
I guess I'm really lucky. My husband has always helped out. There are times when he slacks off, but he usually notices. Then he'll do something really sweet like clean the kitchen, or something I'm putting off, because I obviously don't want to do it.


You're lucky, and he sounds so sweet. Even if I think my boyfriend could think a little different I don't mind, I know he will do something nice to me only because he loves me and is thankful.

Maybe you should make your husband a nice romantic diner, to celebrate that he is such a nice and helpful man.
cavey
The husband should help out, so that both has the same freetime (spending time?). If the wife is at home all day, of course she should do as much work in the house then, instead of watching TV or shopping.
babygeek
if the two want to be closer, they should try to do things together...
Da Rossa
Quote:
I find that statement incredibly sexist. And I'm a man. You appear to be suggesting that women are naturally better at "household chores" than men.

I think he meant that, "if women like complaining about those tasks, why don't they perform them instead?" He is pointing at the insensitiviness of some wives at

Quote:
I feel that wives must appreciate the gesture of their hubbies in helping them out and not nag them for minor hiccups or imperfections which are bound to remain as men by nature have never done such womanly things in the past


Some wives treat their husbands badly nowadays. Don't know why.
ThaGhost
i think couples should share the chores as well as far as the 1st poster with the comment about getting nagged i find its best if you split the chores according to what areas you excell in for example i suck at doing dishes so my fiancee handles that but i like to vacuum and she doesnt so thats my time to shine Cool
Denvis
Men should be doing "parts" of the household chores to assist with the wife but not exactly 50/50. Men still do have to go out and work and when they come back tired and stressed all they want to do is sit infront of the tele and just watch crap.
deanhills
Da Rossa wrote:
Some wives treat their husbands badly nowadays. Don't know why.
Not easy to be married these days. People are treating one another badly, sort of doing its rounds everywhere. Possibly the expectations about "kitchen duties" are directly related to how the marriage is working or not working. If it is working, nothing would be a big deal. You chip in where you can and do things spontaneously, or by mutual agreement. If it is not working, it would be easy to build up grievances and make "kitchen duties" into "his" and "hers" issues. Sometimes men prefer to do the cooking, as they are much better at it. Or women prefer not to have men in "their" kitchens. It's probably up to the partners to decide and the roles should not be fixed by gender.
missdixy
I absolutely agree. Luckily this is no problem for my mate and I since we both tend to work together around the house and whatnot. It's definitely nice.
bsbteng
Full-time stay-at-home mothers should approach their spouses with affection instead of aggression when trying to get their husbands to do more housework.

A study published in the September 2007 issue of the Journal of Family Issues revealed that men did about 9.5 hours of housework a week compared to more than 21 hours a week among women.

Full-time stay-at-home mothers appear to suffer more than working mothers because they depend financially on their husbands, leaving them with less bargaining power to get their spouses more involved in household chores and parenting.

The good news is that there are ways to get husbands to do more housework. To avoid making the man feel defensive and unappreciated, approach him with affection and gratitude whenever there’s a need to talk about sharing household chores.
Hogwarts
Given that nobody's gone on a large-scale rampage yet, I'll chip in to this discussion ^^

raaeft1 wrote:
Husbands should help their wives or better halves in doing household chores be it in the kitchen or doing shopping for vegetables and groceries.
You make it sound as though husbands don't already? Perhaps you're referring to stereotypes, or the situations where the husband is serving the microcosm of the household better by having a job. Maybe, though, there is a completely remote possibility that the person you're talking about is an idiot -- although I don't think that's the case Rolling Eyes

raaeft1 wrote:
I don 't think this is a question of male ego being affronted or hurt. It is just mutual understanding and sharing of workload.
Male ego? That term annoys me, because it's used as a way of suppression. Last time I checked, lots of females still wish to simply be a housewife. Assuming "female ego" means the same thing, would it really hurt the "female ego" too much to get a job? Rolling Eyes

raaeft1 wrote:
However, there is one small negativity---wives normally tend to criticise or nag hubbies over the manner in which they might perform in doing the household chores. I feel that wives must appreciate the gesture of their hubbies in helping them out and not nag them for minor hiccups or imperfections which are bound to remain as men by nature have never done such womanly things in the past
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you're a feminist, and a bloody bad one at that.

raaeft1 wrote:
imperfections which are bound to remain as men by nature have never done such womanly things in the past
Firstly, you call them "womanly" things, implying that women should do them or are superior at them (in which case, they probably should do them to maximize productivity)
Secondly, you pass the message that men are inferior at doing this. Is that so?

bsbteng wrote:
Full-time stay-at-home mothers should approach their spouses with affection instead of aggression when trying to get their husbands to do more housework.

A study published in the September 2007 issue of the Journal of Family Issues revealed that men did about 9.5 hours of housework a week compared to more than 21 hours a week among women.

Full-time stay-at-home mothers appear to suffer more than working mothers because they depend financially on their husbands, leaving them with less bargaining power to get their spouses more involved in household chores and parenting.
Shouldn't the stay-at-home mother do all the housework? I mean, really. 21 hours of housework by a woman, 40 hours of full-time work plus 9.5 hours of housework by a man (in this situation). Who, may I ask, is doing more work here? It's basic maths. Here's a hint: 49.5 is more than double 21.

bsbteng wrote:
Men should be doing "parts" of the household chores to assist with the wife but not exactly 50/50. Men still do have to go out and work and when they come back tired and stressed all they want to do is sit infront of the tele and just watch crap.
And on the opposite end of the scale, you're also sexist! Why is the woman incapable of getting a job? Or are we talking about those ickle "stay-at-home" mothers?

apple wrote:
I think you're trying to make an excuse to get out of 'helping out', if that is the case...man up!
Yet another phrase I dislike, because it's used to force a male into doing something based upon their ideas of not what a man should do but what they would like the intended person to be doing at that time, using an unrelated term to support their argument.

cavey wrote:
The husband should help out, so that both has the same freetime (spending time?). If the wife is at home all day, of course she should do as much work in the house then, instead of watching TV or shopping.
Shouldn't she do it all? It's not exactly as though she's likely to be doing any other work to support the household.
deanhills
Hogwarts wrote:
cavey wrote:
The husband should help out, so that both has the same freetime (spending time?). If the wife is at home all day, of course she should do as much work in the house then, instead of watching TV or shopping.
Shouldn't she do it all? It's not exactly as though she's likely to be doing any other work to support the household.
Again, I can't see how one can stereotype this. This may be something that she is particularly bad at too. For me it is something that needs to be discussed and worked out.
Hogwarts
deanhills wrote:
Hogwarts wrote:
cavey wrote:
The husband should help out, so that both has the same freetime (spending time?). If the wife is at home all day, of course she should do as much work in the house then, instead of watching TV or shopping.
Shouldn't she do it all? It's not exactly as though she's likely to be doing any other work to support the household.
Again, I can't see how one can stereotype this. This may be something that she is particularly bad at too. For me it is something that needs to be discussed and worked out.

Does that matter? If one person has a job, and one doesn't, shouldn't the one that doesn't do all of the housework to attempt to equalize their contribution to the household?
nivinjoy
I too strongly feel that men should help their partners in all means be it house work or whatever it may be...!!

Because marriage is something which bonds two people and they have to share each others happiness,sadness,pains and all the aspects each other...!! So sharing the house works each other is not a big thing..!!

But the main thing is that there should be an understanding between both husband and wife...!! Why i say it is that when the husband is back home tired after a hectic workload he must not be compelled to help in work or share the house works..!! That is what matters...!!!
andysart380
deanhills wrote:
Xanatos wrote:
I find that statement incredibly sexist. And I'm a man. You appear to be suggesting that women are naturally better at "household chores" than men. You then say that you want gratitude for doing something that according to you women should be doing.

If this is not the message you wish to send I suggest you take another look at your post.
Exactly my take on it too when I saw the heading the first time round. Sounded like a big deal whether men should be participating in household chores or not. Too much protest in it. Smile




it looks like she tried to be nice about it when the truth is i do all the work inside and out and thats the way ill always be things get divided by whoever gets there first and as long as its done it doesnt matter how you did it..i should say you cut the lawn like shit but i dont because its just done different not wrong. i dont like how you posed this.
Greatking
husbands who help wives in the house in anyway are wise. to be a man is not to be strong and loud and authoritative but to serve. the greatest people have been people who have served. good husbands always serve. it is not demeaning to serve but wise and greatness to serve. you are the man of the house you own the house its yours so whats wrong with doing stuff in your own house. i think the best men are the ones who are not afraid to serve and to help their wives.
Hogwarts
Greatking wrote:
you are the man of the house you own the house its yours so whats wrong with doing stuff in your own house

And from the other end of the spectrum, we have an equally sexist comment Rolling Eyes
sourojit
oviously husbands should help their wifes in every work.Both are sides of a same coin .
bchuminx
yups agree definitely..guys need to help around in the kitchen

there is no excuse for that or put up a defensive wall stating it is not our job

helping to cook shows that you are playing a part in building your family

you will be setting an example for your kids to follow, not to be spoilt but to take responsibility at the tasks given, and to work at it diligently..not to take things for granted

food won't just come to you..even if you're tired you should help out and be the man
sigT
raaeft1 wrote:

However, there is one small negativity---wives normally tend to criticise or nag hubbies over the manner in which they might perform in doing the household chores.
I feel that wives must appreciate the gesture of their hubbies in helping them out and not nag them for minor hiccups or imperfections which are bound to remain as men by nature have never done such womanly things in the past


Simply do ALL the household duties Smile

No, really, I'm joking. However, it is more realistic to take responsibility over some type of duties, better something requiring lots of physical activity, say, house cleaning, and DO ALL OF IT ALL THE TIME. That's how you will avoid clashing in the kitchen, etc.

I practice that sort of behaviour at home.
paytime
for me, as I´m gay. There is no other opportunity to do my own stuff at home. So what´s the point of men doing stuff at home. This stuff needs to be done. Who cares about WHO does it
sigT
paytime wrote:
Who cares about WHO does it


Indeed. Relationships between genders did change quite a lot since the times when gender roles were attached to everyone for life. There is a lot of flexibility in relationships. So, everyone is free to decide for themselves what to do and what to leave for others to do.
natilovesmike
Well, I think it depends on the relationship. Both me and my husband work a lot...so we both pitch in the household chores. I actually have a very supportive husband and he does a lot. When he feels I am too stressed and working a lot he does most of it and I do it when I feel he needs to rest because he has been working a lot.
Jamestf347
I think that the chores/responsibilities should be shared and by shared I mean properly balanced.
Tho not all, many men have the idea that a woman/wife/gf is their maid/helper.
I know women also who have this type of thinking.
In my house I never have to ask my husband to do something, he takes it upon himself to pick up after himself. If he saw me do laundry, when he thinks its dry he'll pick up and pack away. If I cook, he'll wash up.

To the main poster. I think you're trying to make an excuse to get out of 'helping out', if that is the case...man up!


I Totally Agree With Apple, Men should definitely share the house hold chores. Why wouldn't you need to help out? O.o
Alaskacameradude
Ya, the question is not that easy to answer. There are other factors involved, like....which partner/s is
working outside the home? If only one is working, it stands to reason, that the person who is NOT
working to bring in money, should probably do a larger share of the housework. I am guessing
that most of us do NOT want a partner who sits at home and watches TV while we work, and then
wants us to share equally in the housework when we come home. If
both parties are working, then it should be more equal. However, when there are kids involved,
the working partner will probably still have some household chores. Probably not as many
as they ARE at work all day, but making breakfast for kids, doing diapers, getting them dressed,
making lunch and refereeing fights, can leave not much time for doing dishes, vacuuming, and
picking up everything the little ones do to make a mess. So there may be a couple things
that fall through the cracks that the other partner may be able to help with after work.
Really, every situation is different, and this is one of the big things that put stress on a relationship,
the labor division.....money is probably the other thing, and they are related in a way....
fantoos
You can't say that this is your job on doing household chores but this is the matter of understand between the couple to show more love, support and help and any matter anytime.
scallywag
Alaskacameradude wrote:
Ya, the question is not that easy to answer. There are other factors involved, like....which partner/s is
working outside the home? If only one is working, it stands to reason, that the person who is NOT
working to bring in money, should probably do a larger share of the housework. I am guessing
that most of us do NOT want a partner who sits at home and watches TV while we work, and then
wants us to share equally in the housework when we come home.


I totally agree with this. Before we got married I was working and bringing in most of the money so my wife did a lot of the cleaning around the apartment, and now that she's working full time and I'm only working part time the household tasks have all fallen to me. She comes home exhausted after 10hour+ days of hard physical work, so obviously I'm not going to expect her to come home and help clean and make dinner!

I've actually come to really enjoy getting to be a housewife though, having dinner all hot and ready for her when she gets home, it's fun in a weird kinda way Razz
Alaskacameradude
Ya, well my wife has a full time job running a busy company, so I get to do a lot of taking care of
our 3 kids while she is at work myself, so I know both sides of it. I also run a small video production
business, so I am still making money as well. It can be tough trying to edit 2 commercial spots, and a destination wedding that need to be finished in a day, as well as taking care of 3 kids (5, 3, and 1),
make breakfast and lunch, do dishes, clean up the house, take out trash, vacuum, and pick up every 10 seconds after the kids make a mess, and still find time to shoot and edit these things. We're lucky in that me and my wife both work and both take care of the kids and housework, so we can understand what the other person is going through. When she has a long 10 or 12 hour day at work, I think of
the times I have had a all day shoot, and I try to make her dinner and take the kids out for a car ride to give her a couple hours.....Many couples do 'their' part and don't understand the other side of the issue. I think having done both, it helps as you understand the stresses of both 'jobs'.
Greatking
its called love. when u love someone u would do anything, anything to make their lives comfortable. you would always want to help and to be there. sharing in everything you do. good or bad. house chores, anything you can think of. and i must clapp for men of today, a great lot of them are helping thier women, i have seen and heard this. its a fact. it doesn't demean a man to help change diapers or cook or clean. he is still the man. infact he is a wise strong man. cause he is his own man and can bring himself to help in his own house. aint nothing wrong with that. i respect men who help their wives, i believe they are the stongest and the wisest.

every woman with a man like that, wow you have to give him the reverence his kind of attribute deserve.
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