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16 with a baby





daddyat16
Hi im 16 with a baby. me and mygf gets into arguments every damn day. Here is my schedule that she makes for me. morning i call her at 7 30. i go to school. i call her at break. then at lunch. if i dont im screwing around. Then the bell rings for school to be finished at 2 50 and i have to call at 2 51 or im with my "gf". which i dont have a gf at school. my baby ma ma goes to school in another city and i go in downey. she is so damn insecure. i only see her once or twice a week. the on monday i got rop until 5 30 so i gata call at 5 31. i get home and tired as hell and talk to her until 6. then on tuesday i dont got rop. so i could talk top her all day till 5 30 the problem is. when she calls me at 5 31 or i do she gets all mad when she hears girls in the back round then she starts talking shyt what girl r u wit hows your gf did u f her. and im like wtf. after that i dont wanna talk to her then shes all mad n then i gata say something to make her all feel better wat type a shyt is that. this happens every single day. what should i say "bullshyt" i should say to make her all feel better.
brokenadvice
Wow. Having a baby is a huge responsibility. Add to that your age, and you have a really unfortunate situation. The keys to any relationship are wide open channels of communication. You need to let her know that you are not going to leave her, and you won't be screwing around with other women. I think she does have some grounding in her fears. It seems that you are not there for her and the baby as much as she would like. I understand you are tired, and it seems like you don't have much extra time, but perhaps your time would be better spent in person with her rather than on the phone. This would let her know who you are putting first in life. Good luck!
shkhanal
Though you are only 16......you have mentioned your problem pretty nicely......I wonder what's the age of your wife.....


The best way to get rid of those problems is to fulfill the responsibilities as perfectly as you can. If she has lot of belief and faith on you, she would not suspect that way. If she is suspecting, you are giving her ground. Look on yourself and think where you have missed your responsibilities!
victornumber
Have you tried relationship conselling or reading some relationship books? I found that they help personally.
hesho123
no way you are in 16 and have baby if you here in egypt you should to get married at 24 or older
if you are rich ,,,, where are you from ?
deanhills
daddyat16 wrote:
Hi im 16 with a baby. me and mygf gets into arguments every damn day. Here is my schedule that she makes for me. morning i call her at 7 30. i go to school. i call her at break. then at lunch. if i dont im screwing around. Then the bell rings for school to be finished at 2 50 and i have to call at 2 51 or im with my "gf". which i dont have a gf at school. my baby ma ma goes to school in another city and i go in downey. she is so damn insecure. i only see her once or twice a week. the on monday i got rop until 5 30 so i gata call at 5 31. i get home and tired as hell and talk to her until 6. then on tuesday i dont got rop. so i could talk top her all day till 5 30 the problem is. when she calls me at 5 31 or i do she gets all mad when she hears girls in the back round then she starts talking shyt what girl r u wit hows your gf did u f her. and im like wtf. after that i dont wanna talk to her then shes all mad n then i gata say something to make her all feel better wat type a shyt is that. this happens every single day. what should i say "bullshyt" i should say to make her all feel better.

Perhaps you need some serious counselling, both of you. If things are so difficult for you, imagine what it must be like for her. With a baby. Can't be easy for her, and perhaps not for you either. Maybe you need to see a counsellor together to work out how you are going to deal with this, as obviously you have a great responsibility that should be bigger than your own problems, so if you can deal with your own problems better, then the bigger responsibility would be easier to bear.
manlear
Sounds like someone i know....Very Happy One question. Has she had the baby yet or is she still pregnant? If she is still pregnant, the worst is to come, and don't worry about it, it is just hormones. If she has had the baby.... you need some counseling.
andysart380
condoms suck but they prevent this problem...not that its a problem just you know you shouldnt be in this boat at your age.
peyote
im very happy of ryou
cavey
See some family councelling. This cannot go on!
Why is she so insecure? Was she insecure before she met you? Or did you do something that made her mistrust you?
You guys are the babys role models! You have to start acting as adults! And giving the baby a safe home!
Remember; even if you have a baby together, you do not have to be a couple the rest of your lifes. If she doesn't change her behaviour, you are going to go mad, and the baby will think this behaviour is normal.

Good luck!
stuckinaditch
Jees 16 - i'm 31 and still thinmk i'm too young for kids...

I've not really got any advice as i've never been in this situation - even at 16 when I was in a relationship I gave my boyfriend space to grow and be his own person. At your age your still maturing and developing your own unique personality - you might grow closer or you might grow apart but there should be no pressure at your age.

It's healthy to see each other 2 or 3 times a week but not to be calling and checking in on each other all the time - she really needs to get some help if your kept on that short a leash... my partner is 35 and if he called me every 5 mins - we'll he'd be taking the high road no matter how much I loved him - love does not stick to deadlines..

You'll have to do some serious reasuring but hey - your 16 (not legal to drive, drink, smoke, get a mortgage, get a loan, get a real job) so why the hell are you worring about your girlfriend - you've plenty of time to worry about stuff like that when you grow up.. just be there for your baby and ask your family for some support... if the girl has issues get out..
apple
so far you have gotten some great advice...get some counseling.

also the questions asked above...how old is the 'baby mama', was she always insecure, did she have the baby yet (if so how long)...these are important facts that anyone must have before attempting to give any advice.

I had a baby at 16 and it was very very VERY tough, most of the time I have no clue how I got through everyday. If you need to further talk...seek a counselor close by or send me a message. I'd be more than happy to share my story with you.
gerliw
You can do for her every that she wants, i don't know take her to the park, buy her some toys.
Be happy in front of her.
But you have to know that he must to do his thinks, i would tell him that he must to ocuppate about his baby, you don't have to be his mother and his father at the same time he must to choose a way.





daddyat16 wrote:
Hi im 16 with a baby. me and mygf gets into arguments every damn day. Here is my schedule that she makes for me. morning i call her at 7 30. i go to school. i call her at break. then at lunch. if i dont im screwing around. Then the bell rings for school to be finished at 2 50 and i have to call at 2 51 or im with my "gf". which i dont have a gf at school. my baby ma ma goes to school in another city and i go in downey. she is so damn insecure. i only see her once or twice a week. the on monday i got rop until 5 30 so i gata call at 5 31. i get home and tired as hell and talk to her until 6. then on tuesday i dont got rop. so i could talk top her all day till 5 30 the problem is. when she calls me at 5 31 or i do she gets all mad when she hears girls in the back round then she starts talking shyt what girl r u wit hows your gf did u f her. and im like wtf. after that i dont wanna talk to her then shes all mad n then i gata say something to make her all feel better wat type a shyt is that. this happens every single day. what should i say "bullshyt" i should say to make her all feel better.
natilovesmike
That is unfortunate that you have to grow up so fast. But that's life. I would feel as insecure as she does. I had a long distance relationship with my husband (when we were dating) and we didn't even have a baby, but I would still feel very insecure if he went out with friends...and he was really good and I even trusted him a lot, but the insecurity feeling is always there and you have to make sure your gf knows you love her, no matter how many times a day you have to tell her I Love you, just do it. And be honest and open with her. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she doesn't trust you and try to find a way where both of you are comfortable.

Good luck!
asand90
First of all, I wont judge you for being 16 and with a baby, I myself was pregnant at the age of 16, I am now 18 and I can definitley relate to what your going through, your girlfriend like you said is very insecure, but the question should be do you have another girlfriend beside her, because I know you stated that you dont have a girlfriend in school, but do you have another one outside of school, then if so then she has a reason to be suspicious, If dont then I think you need to tell her, just straight out say you need to stop with all of your insecurities becaues your gonna drive me away, if you really want to stay with her explain to her that your not trying to be with anyone else, you and her have a baby together and that your main focus right now is her and your child, and also you need to let her know, and I had this similar problem with my boyfriend that if she doesnt give you time to miss her, then your going to eventually really get tired of her, if you talk to her every freaking second and every freaking time she wants, she smothering you, give you some space, but be sure to let her know that your not going anywhere, that your gonna still be there for her and the baby. Make her understand that she's pushing you away.
patyffm
I guess, people are wondering about the kids education and life in general of the new family. Most just might be worried, that you might not be able to afford a life with a kid in your age and once you get older. I personally would try to get help (financial) maybe government or some official places
gtoroap
Well, I think that this situation is uncomfortable to everybody, even to me, but Its a great chance to show maturity and responsability. I would prefer have a children when I'm 25-27, but I think destiny hurry up everything
mk12327
From your description I could see that you are pretty annoyed by her insecurity. If she is as young or younger than you, I could understand her reasons for being insecure. (Having a baby, not being able to see the baby's father most of the time, having to cope with stress at school, fear that people would see her negatively since she is a mother at such a young age) Likewise, i could also understand why you are annoyed. (Having to bear the responsibility of being a father at the age of 16, having to cope with stress at school as well, feeling of not being trusted, not having time to yourself)

Communication is very important for your current situation right now. But from experience and observation, if the two of you discuss this over the phone or either of you are not willing to compromise and listen to what the other person has to say, it will only turn out to be a quarrel. Like what the other posts, I would agree that the two of you might need some relationship counseling by a certified professional.
Da Rossa
Even if you have told your story in here, I can't tell what exactly you're feeling. So, before finish reading this post, choose between making things simpler or not.

1- Do you love your kid? It's not just Y or N. Go deep about it, take some days to answer.
If not: send it to adoption. There are a lot of want-to-be daddies and mommies ready to take it and give'Im a good life.

if yes: fight for your family happiness. You've done the most difficult thing so far: having the baby under this conditions, which is noble. Not having an abortion was a very nice thing you could do, and you did!
wanshishusheng
daddyat16 wrote:
Hi im 16 with a baby. me and mygf gets into arguments every damn day. Here is my schedule that she makes for me. morning i call her at 7 30. i go to school. i call her at break. then at lunch. if i dont im screwing around. Then the bell rings for school to be finished at 2 50 and i have to call at 2 51 or im with my "gf". which i dont have a gf at school. my baby ma ma goes to school in another city and i go in downey. she is so damn insecure. i only see her once or twice a week. the on monday i got rop until 5 30 so i gata call at 5 31. i get home and tired as hell and talk to her until 6. then on tuesday i dont got rop. so i could talk top her all day till 5 30 the problem is. when she calls me at 5 31 or i do she gets all mad when she hears girls in the back round then she starts talking shyt what girl r u wit hows your gf did u f her. and im like wtf. after that i dont wanna talk to her then shes all mad n then i gata say something to make her all feel better wat type a shyt is that. this happens every single day. what should i say "bullshyt" i should say to make her all feel better.


It's really tiring. Anyone have to bear more with a baby .But taking care of baby is a holy thing .
hangnhu
Both of you are still children and not ready for a child at all, but it too late to say this now and you have to make the best of things.

I think you should try talking to her, serious talking and if it helps, have adults around just to stop you two from arguing /shouting. shouting don't solve problem and only makes things worst.

Who is taking care of your baby while both of you are at school?
I would feel insecure too, if I was at the age, I think she really fighten, especially if she thinks she'll end up by herself with a baby and no support (and I don't mean money support). have patient with her, even if she is annoying (which she does sound so)

Can you two live together for the sake of the baby? you have to ask yourself how much you love your child, both of you, not just her. ask youself why else does she feel insure, are you a lady man type which have girls hidden around the corner or something?

Can either of your parents help with the baby? can you give up the baby? you have to think what is best for the baby first before solving your own problems in your relationship and you have to agree to your decision. baby don't accept mistakes.

I wish you best of luck
Da Rossa
Where is the topic starter?? Sad He hasn't check back ever since.
imera
First of all, stop complaining. Of course it's difficult to have a gf like that, but it sounds like she is the one that has to take care of the child, which is more work than having to call.
maybe you should have thought about what you were doing before you both ended up in bed together at that age, I don't care what excuse you might have, or anyone else who have sex at that age, you should all use your heads.

She should also seek some help for extreme jealousy and insecurity, she should also get some help for her situation as a mother, most young students would maybe have problems with handling the situation. You said she goes to school somewhere else, so she has things to think about to.

Both of you took a decision where both of you ended up in a situation you probably didn't really want. GROW UP, it's not about you any more, you were stupid enough to have sex with someone and now there is a small baby in this world which isn't lucky enough to have parents that are mature yet. You have to take the consequentness for your actions.
Jaan
if you can live with your decision/don't get too emotional, ditch her as soon as you can. you can also try explaining your plan to her, of getting a good job, then trying to support em.
realkiller
i wanted a baby at 16 but it never happend im now 22 and still no kid and no its not because im full of blanks its because i thought about it and would i really want to be stuck indoors at 22.. nope Very Happy but on the other hand i think to have a baby younger is better you get to see your kids grow older before you die even if it if for a few years alot could happen in a few years so people that have babys at 15 - 16 i have nothing to say about that but then again if your at school your daft finish school first at least
scary
Oh, here where I live that's common :/ Girls who are 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 years old get pregnant...well, most of them are gipsies, but still...
peyote
daddyat16 wrote:
Hi im 16 with a baby. me and mygf gets into arguments every damn day. Here is my schedule that she makes for me. morning i call her at 7 30. i go to school. i call her at break. then at lunch. if i dont im screwing around. Then the bell rings for school to be finished at 2 50 and i have to call at 2 51 or im with my "gf". which i dont have a gf at school. my baby ma ma goes to school in another city and i go in downey. she is so damn insecure. i only see her once or twice a week. the on monday i got rop until 5 30 so i gata call at 5 31. i get home and tired as hell and talk to her until 6. then on tuesday i dont got rop. so i could talk top her all day till 5 30 the problem is. when she calls me at 5 31 or i do she gets all mad when she hears girls in the back round then she starts talking shyt what girl r u wit hows your gf did u f her. and im like wtf. after that i dont wanna talk to her then shes all mad n then i gata say something to make her all feel better wat type a shyt is that. this happens every single day. what should i say "bullshyt" i should say to make her all feel better.


I wonder how you doing...
apple
peyote wrote:

I wonder how you doing...


from time to time I also wonder how things are Sad
mk12327
apple wrote:
peyote wrote:

I wonder how you doing...


from time to time I also wonder how things are Sad


Yes, sometimes people post a topic which drew many response and comments. However, the topic starter suddenly disappears from the posts. As in there was no longer any replies or updates, which can be worrying. I would sometimes wonder if the topic starter was telling a real story; and if it is real, did the problem get solved or the topic starter simply gave up completely.
md7dani
daddyat16 wrote:
Hi im 16 with a baby. me and mygf gets into arguments every damn day. Here is my schedule that she makes for me. morning i call her at 7 30. i go to school. i call her at break. then at lunch. if i dont im screwing around. Then the bell rings for school to be finished at 2 50 and i have to call at 2 51 or im with my "gf". which i dont have a gf at school. my baby ma ma goes to school in another city and i go in downey. she is so damn insecure. i only see her once or twice a week. the on monday i got rop until 5 30 so i gata call at 5 31. i get home and tired as hell and talk to her until 6. then on tuesday i dont got rop. so i could talk top her all day till 5 30 the problem is. when she calls me at 5 31 or i do she gets all mad when she hears girls in the back round then she starts talking shyt what girl r u wit hows your gf did u f her. and im like wtf. after that i dont wanna talk to her then shes all mad n then i gata say something to make her all feel better wat type a shyt is that. this happens every single day. what should i say "bullshyt" i should say to make her all feel better.


I can tell by reading this that she's afraid to lose you and be left alone with the baby. Every girl would be, I think she's behaving normal. I think you should talk to her and say that you want to be with her more, help her with the baby. You have to be honest with her, say to her that you're not ****** around with other girls. And if it's not true you'll have to *beeeep* stop the bad behaviour, orelse you will lose her. You need to behave like an adult and not a child.
iman
You know what you should do?
Love your kid.
She'll understand that you won't go screwing up anywhere else if you take care of your child.
socceraggie
Does anyone else find this posting to be a great ad for quality sex education and the use of contraception? Just food for thought!
zbale
Hey daddyat16,

Some of the comments above sound very unhelpful to me (especially those trying to explain what you should or shouldn't have done, or telling you what's supposedly "bad" about what you did or are doing, etc.), but many are helpful I think, so I'll just join the chorus and say in different words what others have said:

- from my experience, we handle jealousy and arguments differently at different stages in life and at different stages in a relationship. A person that is young and feels in an insecure position (such as having to take care of a baby without the close physical presence of the father) may experience fear to a high degree. All the calling and the worrying are a way for your girlfriend to signal this fear to you and to try to cope with it, with your help.

- for you and your girlfriend to feel more relaxed, some "work" both on her fears and on your way of helping her cope with them could certainly lead to improvement. Though saying "bullshit" sounds like the natural thing to say to allay her fears (I used that a lot once), it may in fact not help (in my case it didn't) because part of the signals she's sending may be that she wants to be sure you understand her. Working hard to try and understand what she is going through, and finding a way to show her that you (do your best to) understand what she is going through might help a lot. Sometimes (and for us men it may sound counter-intuitive at first), the best way to cope with somebody's fears is not to bluntly say they are not grounded but first (and mainly) to show that you understand that they are legitimate (of course the idea is not to say that you should confirm there are girls around you but to say that you understand that she feels the way she feels because if you were in her position you might feel the same).

- many here have advocated couple counseling and I think they are very right: counseling is in fact exactly the next step to your writing on this forum and asking for advice. We answer here, most of us, from our experience, but counselors can help you with the special training they've had and the experience of the many couples they have helped. An additional and crucial advantage of counseling is that both you and your girlfriend would look for answers together, which is actually part of the solution. I have to stress that for some people (it was my case for a long time), the idea of counseling carries with it many prejudices, especially with the idea that counseling is for "losers" or hopeless cases. Because of such prejudices, many couples start counseling almost "too late" (and most couples who have done counseling wonder why they did not start before).

It is a tough situation, but you have to know that there is a way out of such difficulties. Your asking for advice on this forum shows that you want to find such a way and that's great. It now is a matter of finding the tools. Apart from being there for your girlfriend and finding a counselor, you may want to check out some books. There are many and I'll just give one title: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I find the style awful, the ideas are sometimes phrased in a simplistic way, but it makes you think about those very issues you mentioned and will give you some insight on what you can try to do to make things better.

Please keep us posted if you feel we can help. Good luck to the two of you!
eday2010
Dump the bitch, pay your child support, and be in your kid's life. Her bullshit insecurity and controlling nature will never change. Dump her, or put her in her place and tell her to knock off her crap.
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