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Can I be a mom, wife and graduate student?





natilovesmike
I always wanted to go to grad school and study neuroscience. But with my husband we decided to first have a baby (I don't regret that!). Now I am finally in grad school but I am also a wife and mom of a two and a half year old. My life right now is pretty crazy...I am taking two classes so I have a test and a project proposal due next week. I also have a fellowship application due tomorrow and this morning my boss gave me the revised proposal I had written and pretty much butchered it. So I had to re-write it ...and I am still not done...I was at the lab until 9:30 today and came home so late that when I got here my baby was already asleep...and I miss him so much. Luckyly my husband is very supportive, but I know I can't come home this late everyday though...and I dn't want to. But school is so demanding and competitive and for some reason my boss doesn't like anything I do...academic related or not. Razz

What do you think? Can I manage everything? Are there more grad student-moms out there that want to share their stories or advice?

I just needed to vent a little bit...now back to my proposal.
snedan
wow you have incredible story. What can I say, in this world hardworking people step over smart once. Wish you all the best. Just work hard and you can touch the sky Wink
Gagnar The Unruly
I know some grad student moms, and it can work for sure, although it's not easy. Honestly, though, grad school is never easy no matter what else is going on in your life. It's like a vacuum -- the more time you set aside for grad school the more time it sucks away. Of course, your husband should be playing his part in child care (it sounds like he is). A good adviser can also be expected to make some allowances.


Unfortunately, medical and microbiological research tend to be fields where grad students are often expected to stay late at labs fairly regularly. You may find that you can start taking your child into the lab when he/she gets a little older, particularly if you'll be by yourself or if the only people in the lab will be other students.

As for your adviser, don't take it too personally if he/she doesn't like anything you do. Add 'negative feedback in grad school' to 'death' and 'taxes' on the list of things that are inevitable. It's part of the experience. It helps make things better, though, so it's worth it if it doesn't get too hard on you. Behind every really good proposal or research paper there are a dozen drafts that weren't as good, and the only way to make the necessary improvements is to have people tell you what you need to do better.
peyote
Yea you can be of course, jjust keep i mind the children need you mroe than you need em.
amfriendsforever153
No i cant go to school.because i am a male by gender.so i cant be mom,wife etc..
carlospro7
wow I answered a post a few days ago asking if the person could go to school and work. This is a tough one. I think you can do it. Thankfully, you have a husband that can help you through it and that can support you. You would need a lop of help from him. Good luck to you.
SBCBC33
That's a lot on your plate but I certainly think it can be done! Granted, this is coming from someone with no kids so I'm can't attest to how much energy this 'job' truly takes. However, as someone who attended grad school while also holding down a job, I think it is feasible. I still managed to have plenty of time for friends and myself while continuing to get good marks.
patchworkepiphany
I think the bottom line is, there are only so many hours in a day. Do for your school what you can when your child is already in bed. Make the most of the time you do spend with your family, spend it with them completely. Truthfully, its ONE day with three roles to play so each will suffer a bit - its up to you to manage them as best as you can ( if that is what you really want to do )

I currently am a mother, wife and went back to school through distance education simply for FUN because I go crazy not having something that is NOT being a wife and mother Smile)

So, it's all about what will make YOU happy. Sounds lame, but if that is what you really want, you will find the way to balance it all out. Just consider QUALITY time as more important than quantity time Smile
spring567
It is never too old to learn . Your hard work will reply you more .
natilovesmike
Thanks everyone for all of your encouragement. I really appreacite it. I think I wrote that post when I was a little frustrated...I am doing better now, mainly because my PI seems happier...so everyone is happy and in a couple of weeks I will be done with classes!!!! YEAH!!!! That will give me a lot more time to dedicate to my research. And like some of you said, quality time with my family is what is important and I always try to have that. At least I know my priorities.

Thanks again!
ptpmonitor
I think your boss is not a good person. I am not sure why you are telling him boss as you are doing graduation. By the way, I think its possible to do study, become a good wife and a good mom at the same time. You might need to leave any other job into this time. as your husband is very supportive, I think you will be able to pass this time. Higher studies is tough at first, so the first some days will be hard. After some days it will be okay.
biljap
Wow! It is great to see someone so motivated.
Just remember to be there for your children, balance all the other things you need to do and work hard. I’m sure you’ll succeed.
zbale
Hi Nati,

Priorities: Everybody is allowed to have several priorities, and nobody said life was going to be a picnic anyway. So things may seem a bit conflicting sometimes, but it's ok and legitimate. The good thing as far as you are concerned is that you know you want to be good at several things (which, as many people in the previous posts, I find impressive). This means that your job, in a way, is to keep your eyes on all the balls, and see things through.

Shared responsibilities: The hard way to see things through is to do everything on your own. The easier way is to make sure the people around you can do their share: your advisor must be aware of how much time you can dedicate to your research and assist you in it (the first job of an advisor is to assist, though it does not always seem that way), and your husband should be aware that your priorities do not necessarily have to be: "Role - raise the child; Spare time - whatever else she fancies" (I am sure this is not how he sees it, I am simply exaggerating things). In Western cultures most people today agree that raising a child is a shared responsibility, and though often the working parent can be understood to be out of the house more often, it does not mean that the other parent should strike off the agenda any other long-term, demanding project. Additional help can come from members of the family or helpers. It may sometimes look like a financial strain to hire a nanny even for just a few hours a day, but if you feel that this is the way to get your research done (and if you don't mind seeing your child a bit less), then it is worth the investment.

So to your question "Can I be a mom, wife and graduate student?", my answer is: heck, yes, and you teach us how.

PS: don't worry about rewriting research project proposals. They always have to be rewritten anyway.
Crinoid
Not actually helpful, but one can be the mom, wife and graduate student. But not housemaker, housewife, nanny and full time advanced student. These are 4 full time works. Somebody have to do all this, I know, but if this one is you...

I could see it possible, but only if this person can afford this. Hire personnel to care about everything, have soundproofed house, come home after daily studies are finished, sleep in a separate wing from the crying baby... Or live in the country where most women are working, quality child care is readily available until the end of a long work day, and is affordable for anyone, where pediatrics continue to make a home visits in case if child has a high temperature, and where the leaves of absence because children are sick are completely protected by law, including their influence of career path... One has to be competitive, you know.

Really sorry; was there, done that too...
slashnburn99
The answer is yes

Sleep a bit less

the moment you wake up get up and if you take the kids to sports etc, learn in the car

That helps me, it is very hard studying working and all the rest, fun stuff takes the backseat

Make a list as you go and reward yourself when you have completed some semesters etc
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