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Interracial Talk





raggadoon
Raising Biracial Kids

I have been in an Interracial relationship for 15 years. Robert is a beautiful Jamaican man and I'm Italian. We have two girls and I believe they are like any other children but Rob thinks they are caught between two worlds. One being white privilege and the other is black oppression. I don't believe that crap.

This is one of many problems we face being in an Iterracial relationship. My brother is married to a Greek woman, 2 kids and they have no problems. Robs sister is married to a Irish guy, 4 kids, same problems! Is there a pattern here? What is white privilege? What is black oppression?

Any help would be great.
coreymanshack
raggadoon wrote:
Raising Biracial Kids

I have been in an Interracial relationship for 15 years. Robert is a beautiful Jamaican man and I'm Italian. We have two girls and I believe they are like any other children but Rob thinks they are caught between two worlds. One being white privilege and the other is black oppression. I don't believe that crap.

This is one of many problems we face being in an Iterracial relationship. My brother is married to a Greek woman, 2 kids and they have no problems. Robs sister is married to a Irish guy, 4 kids, same problems! Is there a pattern here? What is white privilege? What is black oppression?

Any help would be great.


Sounds like the way a lot of dark colored people think. If we have dark skin, white people hate us, and white people get everything better than we do. Sounds like your hubby and his sister were raised this way.
deanhills
coreymanshack wrote:
Sounds like the way a lot of dark colored people think. If we have dark skin, white people hate us, and white people get everything better than we do. Sounds like your hubby and his sister were raised this way.


Good point. Maybe they need some counselling to sort out self-esteem problems that must have come from mirroring the perception of their parents. I am certain there has to be many experts in this in the US and hope they can find some good ones. Otherwise this will visit the children, and their children, it will never end.
raggadoon
Should Biracial kids be raised Black or White
Xanatos
raggadoon wrote:
Should Biracial kids be raised Black or White


Neither. They should be raised as human beings. It is statements like these that perpetuate racism in the world.
raggadoon
As the parent, I see my kids as nothing but humans. When society looks they see colour first. Over 400 years but change is still a long far away.

I help with starting a new forum. It's called Request It.
deanhills
I agree that there is still lots of work needed before people can really become truly non-racial, however, I do think that the problem is also internally in families where perhaps they have inherited low self-esteem from their parents who feel they are being discriminated against and tend to blame everything that goes wrong on racial discrimination, and that cycle needs to be broken. I am almost certain that there must be therapists who specialize in building low self-esteem that is based on racial issues.
raggadoon
deanhills wrote:
I agree that there is still lots of work needed before people can really become truly non-racial, however, I do think that the problem is also internally in families where perhaps they have inherited low self-esteem from their parents who feel they are being discriminated against and tend to blame everything that goes wrong on racial discrimination, and that cycle needs to be broken. I am almost certain that there must be therapists who specialize in building low self-esteem that is based on racial issues.


Does anyone know of online help or therapy?
deanhills
raggadoon wrote:
Does anyone know of online help or therapy?


This is just an idea from the top of my head. I believe that Obama has numerous Websites. Why don't you write to one of them, maybe they can come up with some suggestions for you?
ptfrances
I think inter racial relationships are sometimes more difficult to manage but often more interesting and more open because each one have to do effort to understand his partner.
Smile
raggadoon
In some, but not all cases you have a white person who comes from a good home with mom and dad, sports, family vacations and so on. Then you have black person from a single parent household or alot of violence and extreme punishments. My husband says"You don't talk to children you smack them and in Jamaica your born then your a man! There is no time for childhood" His parents never went to school games to cheer him on. I think will never be able to understand unless you go through it yourself it yourself. After 14 years of marriage I still don't understand what he goes through.
raggadoon
My husband and I tried to get a condo years ago and while he was at work I received a call saying we had been approved. I had filled out the application but we both had to be there to sign the lease so i made the appointment for 2 hours after Robs shift so he had enough time to shower, change and look presentable. When we showed up and the lease agent took a look at my husband her face fell to the floor! She looked like she saw a ghost. We were told that there had been a mistake with the application and we had not been approved for the condo. I said it was okay and we left. Now Rob thinks it's because it was in an upper class, mostly white city. We were never told why they denied us the condo and that just adds to his suspicions. I don't see why someone would lie. There were not alot, if any black people in that city back then and I do remember the look on her face but there must be a reason we were turned down right?............Right??
anaela
interracial relationships are looked upon differently in this world. personally i have no problem with it, but many of my close friends and family members dont favor the combo.

im black and ive dated a white guy before. even tho everything didnt go well in the relationship, my father never disapproved of the decision i made to date a white guy.

love is love, no matter whos in the relationship.

but with biracial kids, be sure to express both cultures so they know where they came from. many biracial kids also face bullying or just tryin to fit in with one crowd. let the kids find who they are by teaching them about their background and talkin to them about the issues the may face in school or anywhere else. it the only way to ensure they will recognize how to handle the views of other people who may judge them on idotic reasons
deanhills
raggadoon wrote:
My husband and I tried to get a condo years ago and while he was at work I received a call saying we had been approved. I had filled out the application but we both had to be there to sign the lease so i made the appointment for 2 hours after Robs shift so he had enough time to shower, change and look presentable. When we showed up and the lease agent took a look at my husband her face fell to the floor! She looked like she saw a ghost. We were told that there had been a mistake with the application and we had not been approved for the condo. I said it was okay and we left. Now Rob thinks it's because it was in an upper class, mostly white city. We were never told why they denied us the condo and that just adds to his suspicions. I don't see why someone would lie. There were not alot, if any black people in that city back then and I do remember the look on her face but there must be a reason we were turned down right?............Right??


If your application had been approved, and she changed her mind afterwards, I would have insisted to have it clarified at the highest level. I would not have brought racial up, but if she made you go to the condo with a phone call that your application had been approved, you were entitled to a good explanation why it had been turned down since that moment. It could have been something other than race of course, but then you deserved to have been informed of that reason? Whichever reason it was, it was pretty disgusting to phone you that it was approved, and then for someone to have changed their minds without having given you a good reason for it.
Xanatos
deanhills wrote:
If your application had been approved, and she changed her mind afterwards, I would have insisted to have it clarified at the highest level. I would not have brought racial up, but if she made you go to the condo with a phone call that your application had been approved, you were entitled to a good explanation why it had been turned down since that moment. It could have been something other than race of course, but then you deserved to have been informed of that reason? Whichever reason it was, it was pretty disgusting to phone you that it was approved, and then for someone to have changed their minds without having given you a good reason for it.


Agreed, I would have pursued this to the highest extent I could. If the issue was indeed race then the practices of the company, or at the very least that employee should be brought to light. And it seems to me that the issue definitely was race.
apple
hey, being from the Caribbean myself I can relate to the thinking of your husband. It is always about race, even tho its not said, race and status go hand in hand.

I can understand why he feels the kids are between worlds. cause really...they are. I know that you don't understand and its difficult for me or anyone from this region to explain it in a way that you or anyone can understand without the actual experience.

the only thing you can really do is work with him and make each day that passes worth living. You have to beautiful kids (mixed kids rule!!)

About your condo love, the woman only changed her mind cause he was black. There is no way they can call saying it is approved and when you show up deny it. I agree with the other posters that you should have pursued it to the highest level.
coreymanshack
apple wrote:
hey, being from the Caribbean myself I can relate to the thinking of your husband. It is always about race, even tho its not said, race and status go hand in hand.

I can understand why he feels the kids are between worlds. cause really...they are. I know that you don't understand and its difficult for me or anyone from this region to explain it in a way that you or anyone can understand without the actual experience.

the only thing you can really do is work with him and make each day that passes worth living. You have to beautiful kids (mixed kids rule!!)

About your condo love, the woman only changed her mind cause he was black. There is no way they can call saying it is approved and when you show up deny it. I agree with the other posters that you should have pursued it to the highest level.


Why do race and status go hand in hand? Are you saying that all the black people in your area are poor, and all the white people are rich? Well, they must be poor for a reason! So are you saying all black people in your area are lazy and will not try to make better for themselves?
ese87
they should be raised as any other child regardless of their ethnic backgrounds... i was rasied like any other child and i have a mix of different ethnic backgrounds in my family, I represent for each.. it's a good thing to be proud of what makes you up as a person, rather then thoughts which would make a child try to side with one particular race?
apple
coreymanshack wrote:


Why do race and status go hand in hand? Are you saying that all the black people in your area are poor, and all the white people are rich? Well, they must be poor for a reason! So are you saying all black people in your area are lazy and will not try to make better for themselves?


Where I live we don't have 'white' ppl love and to understand you have to experience it first hand. I am not seeking to debate on behalf of any group, I was simply sharing information with someone who is not from here.
raggadoon
This is Robert and I want you to understand something, Most of you talk about how it should be! People "should" treat everyone the same way and kids "should not" have to live with racism and the police "should" treat everyone they pull over the same. Th problem is most people are in denial and we all hope it will just go away. News flash people...It won't!!! This is something that takes alot of work and research. We must continue to talk to our children. They are the future and like global warming, we have to start today for a better tomorrow. Racism is a Cancer that infects mankind but unlike any other Cancer we can cure this one.
Noremac
In a previous generation maybe, but in the schools they grow up in there certainly wont be that prejudice anymore, trust me I just finished and there was complete equality between the black and the white, we'd even make harmless jokes. Don't believe that crap, although I guess depending on where you are located it could make a slight difference.
Da Rossa
Quote:
One being white privilege and the other is black oppression. I don't believe that crap.

Good!

But no, this is not supposed to be a problem at all. You can start by talking your man off this imagination. There will only be "multiple worlds" as long as you people believe this is a real barrier, which is not. On the contrary, it can be a lot profitful for your kids to be raised by interracial parents. You got to have a lot to teach them. And hopefully they'll grow up without prejudices.

Don't get nervous about this. There is no pattern in it. Once you have material, concrete problems you tell us!

Edit:
Quote:
News flash people...It won't!!! This is something that takes alot of work and research. We must continue to talk to our children


Don't maximize the issue. They've planted it on your head, trust me. F*** those who look at your family with weird eyes.
raggadoon
I still keep trying to get it through his thick scull that things are not the same but my husband still thinks life is still full of racism. I am starting to think maybe I should just agree with him so I can live in peace.
Da Rossa
No, I want you guys to live in peace, but he is not gonna live in peace if he thinks that way. And if he's bothered, then there is gonna be backfire on you, sooner or later. This is something to be dealt with wisely, not hastly. Let the time flow, and let him see by himself that this is no longe a huge deal, but a big one only. Let's be honest.

Don't prevent your children to interact with others. You're gonna have to explain them why, if you do. And, when it's done, the racism is gonna be imprinted on them for ever.
Da Rossa
Da Rossa wrote:
No, I want you guys to live in peace, but he is not gonna live in peace if he thinks that way. And if he's bothered, then there is gonna be backfire on you, sooner or later. This is something to be dealt with wisely, not hastly. Let the time flow, and let him see by himself that this is no longer a huge social deal, but a big one only. Let's be honest.

Don't prevent your children to interact with others. You're gonna have to explain them why, if you do. And, when it's done, the racism is gonna be imprinted on them for ever.
raggadoon
Da Rossa wrote:
Da Rossa wrote:
No, I want you guys to live in peace, but he is not gonna live in peace if he thinks that way. And if he's bothered, then there is gonna be backfire on you, sooner or later. This is something to be dealt with wisely, not hastly. Let the time flow, and let him see by himself that this is no longer a huge social deal, but a big one only. Let's be honest.

Don't prevent your children to interact with others. You're gonna have to explain them why, if you do. And, when it's done, the racism is gonna be imprinted on them for ever.


It's been 14 years!1 How long do I have to wait?
Da Rossa
Didn't know that.
How old are your kids, by the way? Are they still kids?
raggadoon
Da Rossa wrote:
Didn't know that.
How old are your kids, by the way? Are they still kids?


My girls are 12 and 13.
coreymanshack
raggadoon wrote:
Da Rossa wrote:
Didn't know that.
How old are your kids, by the way? Are they still kids?


My girls are 12 and 13.


You should tell him things need to change, or gtfo.
Da Rossa
Disagreeing with your friend above, I don't think you have to get the f. out. Your girls are or will soon be in conditions to realize themselves that this is not a big deal anymore. I hope that!
clairebear
society has clear expectations of what it means to be black and what it means to be white, so i would say that confusion is inevitable.. but its also necessary to remember that love is universal (obviously) , and i'm sure your children are beautiful as well!!
deanhills
raggadoon wrote:
I still keep trying to get it through his thick scull that things are not the same but my husband still thinks life is still full of racism. I am starting to think maybe I should just agree with him so I can live in peace.
Would that then be good for the children though? Tough to be a mother as obviously your concerns and the way you are dealing with the situation are completely motivated by your love and concern for your children, and peace as much as you can. Must be very complicated for you. Hope your views will be the ones that make a lasting impression on the children. Smile
Futile
All due respect, people let’s be real. Racism still exists, whether you want it too or not. Unfortunately it is an issue in some cases of whether you are Black or White that you will understand or not understand where Raggadoon’s husband is coming from. You can look at it in the same light as when a female tells a male they can’t explain the feelings and affects of being pregnant. Even in this day and age there are still towns in the Southern US where it is dangerous to be out after dark if you are Black. My kids are mixed. They are considered African American on their birth certificate. It is a disservice to them not to make them aware and understand fully that some people will look at them and treat them different because they are mixed. I am not saying to raise them as racist or bigots. I am saying that they need to understand the reality of the “situation”.

I will not get on my soap box here, but I will say that therapy or counseling will not solve this problem. We, as a whole, have become so desensitized to everything that we automatically want to slap a label or moniker on it and pay someone by the hour to tell us what we already know.

My grandparents raised me. They lived through segregation, not being able to vote, having to go in the backdoor, seeing color lines broken in sports and marching for their civil rights. They taught me to be different and not to see color and to see people for who they are. I do the same with my children today. But alas, everyone from that era did not do the same with their children as my grandparents did with me. I wish I could live with my guard down, but the moment that I “forget or stop” someone will write “n**ger on a school bathroom wall, or make fun of “Ebonics”, or post a “n**ger joke online. These are constant reminders that racism still exists and to turn a blind eye to it and pretend it doesn’t only strengthens it. I doubt if anyone alive today will see an end to it.
flytye4life
raggadoon wrote:
Raising Biracial Kids

I have been in an Interracial relationship for 15 years. Robert is a beautiful Jamaican man and I'm Italian. We have two girls and I believe they are like any other children but Rob thinks they are caught between two worlds. One being white privilege and the other is black oppression. I don't believe that crap.

This is one of many problems we face being in an Iterracial relationship. My brother is married to a Greek woman, 2 kids and they have no problems. Robs sister is married to a Irish guy, 4 kids, same problems! Is there a pattern here? What is white privilege? What is black oppression?

Any help would be great.


I think that you should just raise your kids to love themselves. They are human beings first and foremost. They should embrace both cultures because they are special.
Subsonic Sound
It's an interesting topic... and it'd be blind to say that racism no longer exists. But it's certainly true that it is not universal - certain areas are much more hostile to such things than others.

Threadstarter, if you can afford it you might want to consider moving to a better educated area. I realise that might sound somewhat judgemental, and sound rather like I'm making fairly negative assumptions about your current area, and if you don't feel it applies just disregard it.

I'm in an interracial relationship myself - I'm white, and my girlfriend is (mostly) black. We've been together a number of years, and we're intending to get married at some point. It's only occasionally coming across someone complaining about the difficulties of an interracial relationship that make me realise that I am in fact in one myself! We don't see it that way at all. We're in a relationship, simple as that.

I wonder if the difference is that we're both from relatively well educated areas... although not everything has been ideal in our lives, on balance I'd say we're both from fairly privileged backgrounds.

I suspect that the class difference is more important really than the race difference, and whether one gets mistaken for the other. After all, it'd be ludicrous to claim there are no middle to upper class black families, or no lower class white families.

Racism is on the decline, and is unevenly distributed. It does still exist though, and is quite bad in some areas.
Class prejudice is not on the decline. In many places it's worsening, especially as the economy weakens.
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