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Internet chatting and i lost my partner i love





bestmobilestuff
Well where do i start? I suppose i should tell you that i split up with my girlfriend 5 days before Christmas and it was because i would'nt talk. She wanted to talk but i was so ashamed that i honestly could'nt.
We have been together for 2 yrs and loved eachother with all our hearts. She did everything for me and i did the same for her. We loved every min together and all was good.
The problem was that i work shifts and when i was on nights i stayed at my mum's as my partner and i lived 65 miles away from where i worked and it made money sense as my mum lives 10 mile away from work.
While i was at my mums id go on the internet and i ended up on chat sites, not porn sites. I started to get messages and it made me feel wanted i suppose and i messaged these women back. It was'nt sexual just flirting. Anyway my mate from work arranged to meet a couple of women on there in a pub and egged me on to come, which i did. I met the woman and stayed for a drink but nothing happened and i was due to go to work for 10pm which i did.
Well over the next couple of days i bought another mobi so as i did'nt have to give out my proper number and me and the woman txt and they were sexual and pics were involved in the messages.
After a couple of days i realised that i was being stupid and i did'nt answer the messages and left my mobi in my work bag. A day or so later my partner was looking asked me for a aspirin and i told her they were in my bag. Well my partner saw the mobi in the bag and she wondered why i had another phone and turned it on. She saw everything and she questioned me about them. I said it was just txt and i never met the woman. To be honest i was horrified that she had found the mobi and also it horrified me cos i could see what i was throwing away by this flirting. My partner and i did'nt talk about it again really and i thought we had put it behind us but it come up again and i told her the truth which i wish i had'nt now. She also knew about me chatting on the internet as some man she knew had told her. I told her everything and the only woman i chatted sexually was the woman in the pub, everyone else and we are only talking 6 or so women was just chat and i never gave my mobi number out or asked for theres either.
So that was just before Christmas that i come clean and we've been split since as she wants some space.
I love her so much and i never meant to hurt her. Men do things without thinking of consequences and thats what i have done. Flirting is only harmless till you get caught, you hurt the one you love or when you dont know when to stop. I wish there was a thing called a time machine cos i would never do anything like that again. Im so sorry, im hurting cos ive hurt her and ruined both our lives. We planned to have a family this year and we wanted to be together forever and ive messed up so bad.
We have spoken and txt since the split, we even shared our bed once but nothing happened, we just cuddled up. We needed our company. I still love her with all my heart and want her back. I want to prove i know what i have done and it is totally out of character for me. I have'nt got 2 sides to me, i made a huge mistake that i fear will haunt me for the rest of my life. She was the one and i was for her till this.
She says she still loves me and there is'nt a hour that goes by without her thinking of me but the trust has gone. She says she needs space to think but its so hard for me and i have messaged her once a day, sent her a letter and even wrote her poems. When we talk on the phone she creis and i know she still loves me. I just want a chance thats all and i want her forever.
What do i do to get her back and how can i build the trust again?
Sorry its long it could of been longer as im pretty low at the mo.
Ian
coreymanshack
You should never have hurt her in the first place there is nothing you can do now to ever gain her trust back. In the back of her mind she will always distrust you. What you did was rude, and selfish. You need to learn self control. You are a stereotypical male. Why ruin your relationship for a new peice of ***? You loved that girl that you hurt. She undoubtedly loved you too. You should have never hurt her. I think they only way you will have another chance is if you humbly admit to what you did was wrong and that you would do anything for another chance.

She will never trust you again, and she shouldn't, and you should respect that.
Zanofsu
Suggest counselling. You can work through this. Everyone makes mistakes and there is no reason why you can't repair the damage. There will be trust issues for many years to come, but if you both love each other, you can work it out. You had an "emotional" type affair, not physical, and you have to figure out why - what made you do it. Work from the bottom up, and ask her to help you figure it all out. If you work together on this, then you may just come out at the other end stronger in your relationship. There are lots of professionals who can help with this. Just google.
airh3ad
Me I didn't believe in finding love online internet chating. I thought it was full of perverts, rapists, etc addict. One day, I was in a chat room, just bored out of my mind, because I was visiting my brother in tacloban and he was currently at work. So, I just basically put "Anyone wanna chat?" Little did I know that the man of my dreams would mei used YM.

I was in a relationship at the time. It wasn't a very good one, though. My ex-gfriend, hanah, whom I was dating then, was constantly getting jealous of my guy friends and he was very insecure about my love for him. I have to be honest, I did love him. I still do, kinda. But he brought the relationship to an end, not me. He pushed me directly into jobe, my new gfriend and my best friend's arms. how i fell that time was happy.

with regards to situation of bestmobilestuff I suggest find online counseling .
cavey
I really feel sorry for your girlfriend. She just lost the man she loves. She wants to take you back, but can never know if you have another "chat-affair", or even worse! YOU know you won't do it again. But she doesn't.

Yes, I feel a little bit sorry for you too, if you really never would do such a thing again. But it was you that got you into this mess. YOU had a choice. You knew it was wrong. You knew she would dump you if she knew. Still you did it. Risked your relationship for a woman that does not mean anything to you. But in your girlfriends head, that woman meant so much to you, that she was worth risking your relationship for. Either you really really liked her, or your relationship with your girlfriend meant absolutelly nothing.

If you can be trusted (now), I really hope you two will work it out! You must be open, and not have any stupid secrets that can make her think there is more...
imera
I know that if I was the girlfriend I would be heart broken, even if you said you never did anything. How should she know you never kissed the other woman, or went further? She knows you were cheating (even if you never had sex with her itís still cheating) so how should she believe you then?

If you knew you wanted to be with her then why did you even begin to chat with other people? You said you felt wanted, so your girlfriend that wanted you wasnít enough? I would say you have some problems.

You two havenít been apart long, so itís not strange that she is still not responding, you should give her some time and space, but not completely abandon her, tell her that you will let her think for a few days or so, she is probably unsure about what to do. What if it was the other way around? How would you feel if she had been talking with someone else without telling you, and even went as far as buying another phone to hide it. I know itís hard for many to only stick with talking normally on chatting without starting to say anything sexually, but you should know where the line goes.

You did something that is hard to forgive, you knew it was wrong; you wanted to stop it but still continued. I feel sorry for you to, you do know what you did was wrong and have to pay for it, and you suffer because you know you want to be with her. If she lets you come back to her then she will probably always think that you might cheat on her and even go further, itís difficult to trust someone that has started to lie.

If you need something exciting in your life then why didnít you tell her that you wanted to spice up their life, maybe gotten her on to some role-playing with you where you both act like strangers or something, even if she didnít want to do that then there is many things you could do together even if you were apart.
deanhills
bestmobilestuff wrote:
She says she still loves me and there is'nt a hour that goes by without her thinking of me but the trust has gone. She says she needs space to think but its so hard for me and i have messaged her once a day, sent her a letter and even wrote her poems. When we talk on the phone she creis and i know she still loves me. I just want a chance thats all and i want her forever.
What do i do to get her back and how can i build the trust again?
Sorry its long it could of been longer as im pretty low at the mo.
Ian


I am certain you will get another chance. You just need to be patient. Keep on trying, as it may not appear to you to be that way, but she really needs to hear from you. Perhaps you are very hard on yourself, as obviously the distance of 65km is a problem, so perhaps you need to fix your leisure time with worthwhile activities if it is possible to do. Maybe it would be good to find a hobby that you can share with your girlfriend so that you have something more to share and have in common. For example to get a dog, or to start building model aeroplanes, skating, skiing, anything that will distract you from relationship issues, and create something to be shared and enjoyed. There must be something that the two of you have been dreaming to do? So possibly you can start solo on it first and then tell her about it, later when she feels better about things, she could join too?
ssthanapati
Trust is like a castle made of glass. Will take a long time to build, but throw a stone on it and it shatters in seconds.

U messed it up really bad. U shouldn't have been involved with any other girl in the first place. No point in telling u the stuff u already know...

All u can do now is give her time and try to prove to her that u really love her and what u did was a mistake... Never do anything that can make her suspicious again.... Give it time and hopefully everything will be good again (may not be like it used to be.. but still close enough) Wink All the best man!!!
Kaseas
I see where you're coming from, and I think you can still save it. Just make sure you show her what you're feeling, how sorry you are, and how you've made a mistake. Remind her of the good times. This is just a snag, people I know have come back from worse.
mrcool
i am pretty sure, you will regain her trust again...not because she still loves you but because you both still have love each other...i have been through with that situation a long time ago..though, i made a mistake which is more sinful than yours, but i did get her back by winning her trust again...i did showed her how i truly love her and no one else, i showed her that she is the only one that is important in my life and nothing can tear us apart...and one day, we had a dinner and i finally decided to marry her and i promised not to hurt her again...and she accepted my proposal...

"don't give up, i know you will win her back"
dawnzky05
I guess your excuse be, "I'm a just weak man tempted". Guys always do that. If you wanted to win her back, prove it sincerely.











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c'tair
Looks like you don't think much. Hey, just think about this "How would I feel if what I've done, she did?" How would you feel if you found out she is flirting with other guys over the net or by mobile? I think it would undermine your trust.

and ssthanapati, good metaphor for trust, I really like it.

Not only men are tempted, women all to often act just like guys in this case. Maybe even more, because as we see in this case all the OP wanted was a bit of excitement, something along the lines of a one night stand. Women usually want a passionate and emotional affair with some other dude, thinking that they are entitled to it. Not all women, but I know some who feel that way and I really despise them.
coreymanshack
dawnzky05 wrote:
I guess your excuse be, "I'm a just weak man tempted". Guys always do that. If you wanted to win her back, prove it sincerely.


Well if he didn't like the woman in the first place do you think he would even try to get her back? "Guys always do that", sometimes guys realize they make mistakes.







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