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Friend tried to kiss me last night... what should I do?





katelarson
A really good male friend of mine is in a band that played at another friend's house last night for Halloween. I went with another one of my guy-friends.

Let me start out by saying I am married, though not very happily at times, and that all my friends know and respect my husband. My husband is not much of a people person, so he was NOT at this party.

But, I also need to say that most of my guy-friends were once boyfriends/lovers well before I ever met my husband, and those relationships had dimmed down to friendships years before I was married. My husband is aware of some of these previous relationships, but not all of them. I can't change the past, so why bring it up?

Anyway, we were all drinking and having a good time at another band member's house after the show was over. Some people had already passed out, and myself and two other guys were the only ones still up drinking. We were all fairly drunk. I had noticed that one of my friends had been checking me out through the course of the night, but I'm pretty much used to that since I always hang out with men. He kept inching closer to me as the night went on, and after we were good and drunk, we started tickling and flirting a little bit.

The next thing I know, he's trying to kiss me. I pushed him back and bit and just said, "I can't." to which he replied, "Are you sure?" and tried to kiss me again. I pushed him back and said "I can't." He stepped back and started apologizing, to which I told him, "it's not a big deal, s**t happens." He was pretty drunk, and about a half an hour after that he got a little angry, which was right about the time I left.

I went over to visit him today, and he's acting like he doesn't remember what happened. Should I try talking to him about it, or just leave it alone? And why do I feel guilty about turning him down?
muffinman187
wow when you're drunk anything can happend, just let it go and continue on living. life is short have fun.
Ghost Rider103
If I was in your position, I would tell your husband exactly what happened. You did nothing wrong in this situation, however I try to avoid letting my g/f getting drunk with other guys, but we are all different.

Put your husband in your situation. What if the same exact thing happened to him? Wouldn't you want him to tell you that it happened?

I don't think he will loose any trust in you, if anything he will gain trust in you. He might be a bit pissed at the other guy, but he should be happy that you made the right decision.

Just do the right thing now, so you don't regret not telling him later.

Good luck, and hopefully you will do the right thing.
cavey
It's not your fault that he tried to kiss you. And you did as you should. You said no. I would tell this to your husband if I were you, in case he hears it from someone else, and think there is more, since you did not tell him.

I would not say anything to this friend. Maybe he forgot what happened, or maybe he regrets it, and is very embarrassed. Then it will probably never happend again. Either way, you should not flirt with him again. Both because it could happend again and, because he reacted by getting angry when you did not want to. You should not play with fire. You do not know what would have happened if you did not leave (which was very smart of you!).
TrueFact
I agree with both Ghost Rider103 and cavey, you've done nothing wrong and that you should tell your husband about it.

cavey really got to the bottom line here, you should not flirt with him again. Draw some boundaries or limits between you too even if he can't remember it as he still have the idea about you.

Again, and as what cavey said:
Quote:
You should not play with fire.
pumpin
Let it go gf! Life is full of fun buh be careful who u hang out with
deanhills
I would ignore the situation and learn a lesson from it. Perhaps it is not good to go out without your husband, and even worse to be alone in the company of other guys, especially when there is drinking going on. It is an atmosphere where inhibitions just cannot help to fly out of the window. Perhaps just your presence, without having to do anything, must tell guys who are intoxicated and see you enjoying yourself without your husband, that you may be available. Perhaps you need to get your husband to accompany you to parties, and if it is not his thing, and you really need to go, perhaps find someone you can truly trust in any circumstances, and who know both you and your husband to accompany you.

I would not tell your husband what happened, as he may not understand the situation and start worrying about something that is obviously over and done with. The only thing that is important is that it should not happen again and perhaps you need to look at what you can do in order to avoid a reoccurence of the situation.
Da Rossa
Don't bring it up again. You did all correct, except that you may have forgotten to tell this smartass friend that you can't because you're married and you love your husband. By just saying "I can't", you left the message that, despite having this "obstacle", you almost did it, then he could even question your loyalty as a person, not only as a wife.

Imagine the situation: a friend of yours, knowing you're maried, is successful at kissing you with correspondence. Honestly? He'll think you're a b*tch or s*ut. "Easy woman, that screws her husband to fool around".

Not to mention how "good friend" he is by trying such thing while you're married.
Dean_The_Great
Tell your husband, don't talk to the guy about it. If he actually forgets what happened, then it's done and no worries. If he actually remembers but is just saying he forgets (which I think is more likely) then he obviously feels bad enough about it that he would rather not deal with it, and it's unlikely he'll try it again. Either way it works out okay, you've done nothing wrong, and the only thing you'd have to worry about is your husband hating the guy, but if he's a cool guy and mostly a home body, it probably won't mess with things.
mgeek
1. You did right in refusing the guy
2. You don't have to feel guilty about refusing him. The guilt feeling sometimes does not indicate something wrong you have done.
3. You don't even have to talk to him about it. After all he was drunk and he might misinterpret your motives if you still talk to him about his missed opportunity.
ssthanapati
katelarson wrote:

I went over to visit him today, and he's acting like he doesn't remember what happened. Should I try talking to him about it, or just leave it alone? And why do I feel guilty about turning him down?


Well lets concentrate on this part... Y u feel guilty turning him dowm... Maybe deep down u wanted to go ahead with him because ur husband dosent satisfy u as u want to be of u just feel it for him as u should be.

But ur decision was based what ur brain told u to do because u thought it was right.. not what u really wanted to do...

Just think about it... And u will hopefully find the answer
guissmo
Tell your husband. It'd be better if it came from you. Smile
Be careful next time.
Greatking
Until you talk about, your coscience will ????????? Catch the drift.
atul2242
incident is over and finished

Fly on
manlear
katelarson wrote:
A really good male friend of mine is in a band that played at another friend's house last night for Halloween. I went with another one of my guy-friends.

Let me start out by saying I am married, though not very happily at times, and that all my friends know and respect my husband. My husband is not much of a people person, so he was NOT at this party.

But, I also need to say that most of my guy-friends were once boyfriends/lovers well before I ever met my husband, and those relationships had dimmed down to friendships years before I was married. My husband is aware of some of these previous relationships, but not all of them. I can't change the past, so why bring it up?

Anyway, we were all drinking and having a good time at another band member's house after the show was over. Some people had already passed out, and myself and two other guys were the only ones still up drinking. We were all fairly drunk. I had noticed that one of my friends had been checking me out through the course of the night, but I'm pretty much used to that since I always hang out with men. He kept inching closer to me as the night went on, and after we were good and drunk, we started tickling and flirting a little bit.

The next thing I know, he's trying to kiss me. I pushed him back and bit and just said, "I can't." to which he replied, "Are you sure?" and tried to kiss me again. I pushed him back and said "I can't." He stepped back and started apologizing, to which I told him, "it's not a big deal, s**t happens." He was pretty drunk, and about a half an hour after that he got a little angry, which was right about the time I left.

I went over to visit him today, and he's acting like he doesn't remember what happened. Should I try talking to him about it, or just leave it alone? And why do I feel guilty about turning him down?


Leave it alone. But let your husband know EVERYTHING that happened. He needs to know. There is no reason you should keep this from him. But the past thing. Yeah he doesn't need to know that >.>
carlospro7
Yeah, I would probably start out by telling my significant other. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Although being married, I think you have to be careful who you hang out with and where you are, especially if you are drunk.
manlear
carlospro7 wrote:
Yeah, I would probably start out by telling my significant other. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Although being married, I think you have to be careful who you hang out with and where you are, especially if you are drunk.


Be VERY careful.
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