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POEM "ALONE IN THE DARK"





anandshekhar
ALONE IN THE DARK....

Why did u give me eyes,
if u had to take away my sight.

why did u hold my hand..
if u had to leave me way behind

why did u fill love into my heart
if u had to break my heart..

why did u give me speech
when u never wanted me to speak..

why did u give me life,
when u never wanted me to live..


....ANAND.....
tchaunt
It was a pretty decent poem. I found it ironic, though, that you decided to replace "you" with "u" and call it a poem.
Anyway, after looking past that unsightly choice, here's a few minor things to work on:
In line 4, you should have left out "way". It takes away from the rhythm of the poem.
Use capital letters. I promise no one will hurt you if you do.
Try to use some sort of punctuation through out the poem. Here's how you ended each stanza:
1: .
2:
3: ..
4: ..
5: ..

This pointer is more of a pet peeve of mine, but try not to use two words at the end of two consecutive lines (or lines that share a rhyme pattern).

Like I said, the poem was decent: probably a 5.5/10. If you fix the minor things I pointed out, it will be better. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your poetry.
rajpk
as i am not a poet

i dont have an idea to write

or

writing format i dont know

but according to my knowledge

your poem's meanings are great.............
and
u can improve it

one point i agree
you should eliminate word "way"

after it i think rythem of poem willllll be bettterrrrr
thnax
nice sharing

bye
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