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How to get your boyfriend to act more mature?





katelarson
Well, the question pretty much says it all. I have a boyfriend (17) who is 3 months younger than me (1Cool. I have always been... considerably more mature than most people since a young age, so I feel that every turn my boyfriend takes he manages to scoop a little bit of my impatience to the surface. He is an incredible guy, but I feel that his lack of 'seriousness' (although he claims he is) is starting to really get to me. I try to talk to him but he mostly just laughs it off or 'attempts' to make things better. He is a ladies man and therefore adores to flirt with other girls and such...
But, this is not my point. What I am trying to ask for is some advice to how I can help my boyfriend become more mature, or as mature as he should be.

What do you think? Please let me know, and thank you in advance.
deanhills
Are you sure this is age related, or more to do with personality? Probably one of the hardest lessons to learn in life is not to want to change people. Once you start fiddling with the other person's behaviour to fit in with your own expectations, it could perhaps just get worse as you continue. Perhaps better to focus on making yourself happy and on what you can contribute to the relationship, rather than what should be expected?
Arthur3009
oh my gosh, i'm a msn, but i don't a have a answer for that Neutral you are what you are, you know? you can't change somebody, if he is imature, you can't just wake up and think, now it's day to make my boyfriend mature, no, no, no, if you want to be with him, you need to respect that, and wiat him grow up.
shrykull
I would not try to mature my other half. This process is natural and needs time. i would rather focus on what you want from him and which behaviour you dont pup up with.
sana618
why do u even want to change. maybe he thinks that your more than enough serious for the two of you.
what do you think your life would be if both of you were serious........
atleast one should be on the lighter side..... and also changing someone is not so easy,
easyist thing if you can't bare his lightheartedness is to leave him and get yourself a more serious guy...
Parkour_Jarrod
WHY would you want to change your spouse? if you want to/ have to change your spouse it means that IT NOT GOING TO WORK, you have to be happy and contempt with what you have, yes you can say i wish you were a bit more mature, but its who you are im not going to change that because i love you, thats fine its voiceing your opinion and showing that its not an issue, but if it is an issue then its never going to work mate
Afaceinthematrix
You cannot change anyone. You are more likely to change yourself than to have someone change yourself. I had a girlfriend once that was Catholic and she spent several months trying to change me to fit her Catholic views... I ended up changing her. It didn't end up working out. I did change a few things, but I wasn't changing myself I was more of respecting her. I stopped using swear words in front of her... but I wasn't actually changing. I still used those words everywhere else, just not in front of her because it offended her. So she didn't really change me at all...
cavey
Let the poor boy have his youth! He is not supposed to be super-mature yet. If you long for something more mature, get yourself another boyfriend. An older boyfriend would probably be a good idea.

You fell in love with this boy for who he is, not who you could change him to!
TomS
Wait. What's this?

In this post katelarson wrote:
Let me start out by saying I am married, though not very happily at times, and that all my friends know and respect my husband. My husband is not much of a people person, so he was NOT at this party.


I'm just curious.
TrueFact
Make him grow more mature or "Make him more serious as you are"?

I won't repeat what others already said, you can't change him\others, but rather why change your way? You are only 17 and have a long life to live and learn lessons from it. Another point about changing him\others, is change takes time in addition to that some people refuse and fight the wind of change.

Think about it like this:
"While I'm trying to change him, I'll bore him and push him away?"

You know what, most men, I knew when I was your age, who were described as ladies' man have more serious and decent lives now than you can think. They've done and tried everything possible and now they know exactly what they want in their lives. Other half of men, including me now Smile, still confused about everything and have to think about everything twice. If you investigate the emotional side in the second half, you'll find us more unstable and have fairly short relations from time to time, of course not everyone is the same.
katelarson
TrueFact wrote:
Make him grow more mature or "Make him more serious as you are"?

I won't repeat what others already said, you can't change him\others, but rather why change your way? You are only 17 and have a long life to live and learn lessons from it. Another point about changing him\others, is change takes time in addition to that some people refuse and fight the wind of change.

Think about it like this:
"While I'm trying to change him, I'll bore him and push him away?"

You know what, most men, I knew when I was your age, who were described as ladies' man have more serious and decent lives now than you can think. They've done and tried everything possible and now they know exactly what they want in their lives. Other half of men, including me now Smile, still confused about everything and have to think about everything twice. If you investigate the emotional side in the second half, you'll find us more unstable and have fairly short relations from time to time, of course not everyone is the same.

Well thanks,(TrueFact) helpful answer
Da Rossa
That's not a really difficult thing to do at all. If you like him, then you'll help him.

Start by admonishing the things the you think are particularly unpleasant and immature. Then, take some negative actions such as call his attention in public. It hurts, but it's necessary with some people. You can get reproved by other people around but, since this is a relationship, I assume you like him, and this should be a necessary pain. Then, if nothing works, give an honest ultimatum.

Some people say sex strike is also a good way out. But be careful, he can find a "workaround".
Dean_The_Great
I relate maturity to perspective. It's one of those things that you gain with time, and everyone seems to gain it at a different speed. Unfortunately, I have never found that it is a process you can help to speed. You just have to hope that he can learn from you and others to gain perspective, but if his perspective is much more narrow than your own, and if his friends are also on his level, then you may need to find someone else.. as you can imagine it's probably not with this guy you're going to end up.
Pepperfan
Good and bad news.... The good news is that It ma be possible to get him to modify his behavior. The bad news is that it is very rare for anyone to change much after the age of 5.

The Good news. If he is just being in mature then you have a chance. If that is it just let him know how it makes you feel when he flirts with other women. Then bust him on it every time it happens. Be prepared to have to keep doing it.

The Bad news. Most ladies men have bad self esteem and need to flirt to make themselves feel better. If it is that then short of counseling from a professional it is unlikely to make a difference. Also if he is a real jerk it might just be he is shopping for someone else. Sad

What ever the case it is not your job to fix him. If he can not modify his behavior fairly quickly you should kick his but to the curb!

Charles
deanhills
Pepperfan wrote:
Good and bad news.... The good news is that It ma be possible to get him to modify his behavior. The bad news is that it is very rare for anyone to change much after the age of 5.

The Good news. If he is just being in mature then you have a chance. If that is it just let him know how it makes you feel when he flirts with other women. Then bust him on it every time it happens. Be prepared to have to keep doing it.

The Bad news. Most ladies men have bad self esteem and need to flirt to make themselves feel better. If it is that then short of counseling from a professional it is unlikely to make a difference. Also if he is a real jerk it might just be he is shopping for someone else. Sad

What ever the case it is not your job to fix him. If he can not modify his behavior fairly quickly you should kick his but to the curb!

Charles


Interesting advice and perhaps this is true too? Some men love being kicked in the butt on a regular basis. Perhaps it is something they got used to before the age of 5? Mama used to do it complete with listing everything he had done wrong, disciplining him and then giving him a nice hug afterwards! Perhaps some guys then learned from this that in order to get their women to pay attention, they need to act immature? Smile
watersoul
Oh this is a tricky one really because to be fair, most guy's are a bit more silly and immature than girls generally I'd say.
Do you really want "mature" all the time, or do you mean perhaps "mature in the right places" ?
Immature is fun and keeps our soul young and silly and alive. I don't want to ever be classed as "mature", I act it when I'm working or if I have to be serious, but inside I don't think I'll ever grow up properly - whatever that means!
If I'm honest (and being mature now!) I'm not sure that changing someone is the way forward. Changing behaviour in the right places is sensible, but there's someone silly and immature minded out there who's probably searching for someone like your guy and you've maybe got to ask yourself if he's really the "one" for you?
Whatever you do though, good luck with it Smile
Arnie
I saw your boyfriend on another forum in a topic "How to get your girlfriend to act less mature". The general tendency in the replies was, "You can't and you shouldn't".
gandalfthegrey
Honestly, dump his ass!

Guys like that either don't mature or take a long time to mature.

(Also what do you expect when dating a 17 year old guy? Date slightly older guys if you want someone more mature)
ssthanapati
He is just 17... Instead of finding faults... try thinking about it in a different way. Maybe u are acting more mature than u should be for ur age.
agulto
honestly you talk to the person then comes the dreading two other steps SIT and WAIT. If you start forcing someone to be another person then youre up for disaster or a heartache. As the cliche goes Good things come to those who wait but don't get me wrong if it takes forever for that person to grow up and you think that you can't live with someone for the rest of your life then move on. If you love the person everything else wouldn't matter you will endure. Very Happy
wiureczka
It's simple - leave him and I guarantine effect
or find more mature example
agulto
you cant force people to grow up they are just like plants Very Happy
shwelfszen
Hi, I am a 24-year old guy.
However, i like strong dominating men.

Because i am underweight(jumped from 46 to 55 kgs since past year), men dont give me any attention.There was one realtionship i had that broke a year back beacuse i was dumb and underweight.


Does anyone know how can I gain their attention without being physically fit?
I like the way men look and behave.
Solon_Poledourus
katelarson wrote:
What I am trying to ask for is some advice to how I can help my boyfriend become more mature, or as mature as he should be.

Let Nature do it. You can't force maturity on someone. You may be able to train him to act a certain way that you like, but that is not maturity, it's learned behavior. He is 17, and like most 17 year olds, he is immature. If you really like him, you have a few options: 1 - you can deal with his immaturity and wait for him to outgrow it. 2 - you can leave him and try to find another guy that's more mature(though in your age range this could be difficult). 3 - you can give him an ultimatum such as "I will leave you if you don't start acting more mature"(but this is a bit like training him, and it could be a messy situation). There are other options, but if I were you(and indeed I've been in your shoes), I would just let Nature take it's course and hope he starts maturing soon.
Someone once said "youth is wasted on the young". I tend to agree in most cases. Many people who are more mature than their peers(especially in your age demographic), opt to wait until they are older to start a serious relationship. The odds of being in a mature relationship get better as you get older.
And most guys his age are "ladies men". Or at least they try to be.
PennyLane
Well, I also had this problem when I was younger, and people used to say this was because guys stay longer childish (is that a correct word? :p ) than girls. That's why I always dated older guys. But when yu grow older guys become more mature. My boyfriend is 3 months younger than me (but we were born in the same year), and he already works while I still study. And yes he is quite mature :p
I think the best thing you can do is to talk about it with your boyfriend...
anaela
well its true women mature faster than men but the age diiference is only 3 months. for example my fiance is 25 and im 21, 4 year difference. he still act immature but its just how men are. some dont come around until their 30. and you can force someone to be mature, you can only ask them. you can control somebodies attitude
Ashtray
Statistics show that at young age (15-25), women tend to be more mature than men. There are of course exceptions to the rule, but normally that's what happens. Moreover, flirting with other girls is almost automatical for men aged 15-20. This doesn't mean you have to put up with it. It may sound stupid, but I think the only solution is talk him out of it. Maybe you can't get him to be more mature, but if he loves you; I bet he'll do everything to make you feel better and more comfortable.
agulto
men will always be boys and thats a fact Twisted Evil
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