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interested in a girl a friend is interested in too...

 


bestmobilestuff
How do I deal with it with my friend?

He's a guy who I don't hang much with, but I still consider him a friend as we run into each other in the clubs often and even outside once in a while...

He brought a girl to the club, but did not hang with her too much, so I thought friend? We kind of hit it off really good.
Later when dancing with her, he comes by and gives a surprised smile, and then I knew he was "interested" in her.
So I back off, and let him take his chance.

Later I apologize to my friend, because I would hate it too if I brought a girl and someone else started hitting on her, and so we're cool. He asked her out as a "friend" thing, hoping it would turn to more, but he never took her out again, so I guess nothing happened.

A week later, I run into her at the mall, and apologize to her too for interrupting their date, and she says no, they were not on a date, and that he's just a friend. Now then and there, I'm heading to eat, but I choose not to ask her to join me, nor do I even ask her number out of some "guy code honor".

I just say she should come out again sometime.

Well, next club night, she shows up....but with my friend, cuz she's unfamiliar with the place, and he was the only one she knew who could take her.

Well, we seem to hit it off again, and she talks to others about how I'm her "dance partner". Another guy friend asks her to dance, she looks to me and says to my friend to ask me, and then I say no, you have to ask my friend (the one who came with her). She's also leaning into me, sometimes, in front of him. I try to keep my distance, and I sit by myself, and she comes to sit by me, and then he comes...God it was awkward.

I would have loved to play up on this, but I know my friend is attracted to her, so I try to keep my distance.
He puts his arm around her once in a while.

I ask her if they are going out, and she re-iterates that he's just a friend. Well, I'm thinking of asking her number, but now they are leaving. I don't have the heart to ask for her number in front of my friend, so I just ask when she'll come out again, but she beats me to it and asks for my number...in front of him....

Later, as luck would have it, I run into her at the gym, and also ask her again about her situation with my friend, and she says they are only friends. I say I think he likes you, and she says no, and wonders why I keep pushing her to him.

Well, that does it, I asked her number, and I ask her out....

How do I break it to my friend?

Was I out of line, that is, do you think I violated the fictitious "guy code of honor"?

In the end, I don't care...she seems special and I want to get to know her better...
RubySlasher
Yeah, guys don't have codes of honor, so it doesn't really matter. Also, he probably already thinks you've messed with her, which is why he's reluctant as well.





.


Last edited by RubySlasher on Mon Jul 27, 2009 8:19 am; edited 1 time in total
TrueFact
Yeah, we, the men, don't have a written code of honor but sure we have it :p

Anyways, if she says they are just friends and she assured it many times, then it is your friend's problem not yours if the girl kicked him. Maybe he's just messing up with her or maybe she's his sex body. Sorry for that.

The only thing you didn't say or mention, was your friend's reply when you apologized to him. That will put an end to your misery.
rightclickscott
This really isn't a dilemma of chivalry. Your friend wants a girl who's clearly not interested in him, and she's much more interested in you. Take a shot with her, and if your friend really can't take that kind of hint, then he's just being plain immature.
deanhills
Your own advice of talking to your friend is obviously the best course of action. Rather sooner than later and preferably before you phone the girl to make a date with her. If the friend finds out about this after you have dated her and before you had a chance to sort it out with him, perhaps that will be much worse for the friendship. Hope she is worth it though, as of course it will come at a price! Your friend may be OK with it for the sake of the friendship, but I am sure if the roles had been reserved, that there would have been at least a tiny twinge of resentment?
ptfrances
This is a really dificult situation I guess...
I hope you could find the right solution and clear your mind as much as possible

Wink
andysart380
code of honor doesn't apply unless hes already tappin it, you did what you needed to do its all about who she picks she obviously wasnt interested in him, she came to you for your number so its nothing to worry about... if he gets mad he'll just get over it soon enough.
shindig
She's interested in you, not him. Even taking you out of the picture it doesn't sound like he ever had a chance with her.

So you haven't done anything wrong. Just be straight with him. You made sure there wasn't anything between them first, but you're attracted to each other and that's why you asked her out.


He might be bit miffed at first ...but he'll just have to take a cup of concrete. There are other fish in the sea.
Flarkis
It's good that you asked her out. Sadly your friend is just out of luck. This girl clearly has no attraction to him, which is nobodys fault. I suggest you talk to your friend and tell him about how you like this girl and how she likes you and maybe apologize and see how he takes it. If he follows the "guy code of honor" he will take his defeat like a man and be happy for you. You played all the right moves, you didn't flirt with the girl every chance you had, you asked her and your friend about them liking each other, etc. If your friend takes it badly, he either had strong feelings for her, or as said above, hes just immature.
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