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how do you know you love someone?





bestmobilestuff
my first relationship lasted 9 months. i was the one who ended it. i mainly broke up with him because i found that i've developed feelings for another guy. the 3 of us belong to the same close-knit friendship group, which adds a lot to the confusion. i've still been going around in circles with my ex because he says he still loves me and can't understand why we didn't work out

the friend whom i had feelings for has developed feelings for me as well and we're technically going out right now

but right now i'm confused about my feelings. maybe because i haven't had time between the 2 relationships and because my ex has been chasing after me. when i see my ex i feel like i want to hug him, but at the same time i feel like i want to be with my current bf. i can't tell any more whether i'm suppressing my feelings for my ex because i'm with someone else now or i really don't love him any more. i can't tell either whether i really love my current bf

i've talked to both of them a lot about the situation we're in, and because we're all still inexperienced we've all had our fair share of confusion. at the moment i want to clear up my confusion about my feelings, i want to know whom i really love, or do i not have feelings for either of them in that way. how do you know you love someone? how do you know you're more than just (close) friends?
TrueFact
Well, looks like you are a teen... so that's normal. If you are really a teen, you'll end up loving someone else at a later time and maybe it will be your true love.

You can do a simple test for yourself! stay away from both of them and see who you'll miss Smile simple, right?

Or maybe someone else have a better idea or analysis... it is just my two cents
Parkour_Jarrod
okay dude do what True said and while ur away from em think about who you have more sexual desires for, then that's the person you DONT love you lust that person
apple
you do sound like a teen....I rmbr my days (not to long ago Rolling Eyes )

I like the test given...stay away from both and see who you miss the most.

I'd not say that you love either of them, cause you care about someone does not mean you love them.

Take sometime and ask yourself how far you'd go to keep them safe and happy, would you do stuff to make them smile even if it meant going out of your way?
iyepes
Probably not ending properly a relationship, it affects starting a new one.

How do you know you love someone?, well, you don't know it, you feel it. Your gut will tell you well which is the one you love.

Just clear your feelings and make a choice, and after that, be faithful to your choice. If you find later that you should have chosen the wrong way, then correct it, but don't worry too much. Just one relationship at a time, don't get mess by you feelings, just make decission.
mk12327
Honestly, I'll like to hear more opinions on this issue. Because I'm currently going through the same thing with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/best friend... as in I'm not even sure if there is any chance that she comes back to me or that it is over between me and her.

Using "bestmobilestuff" scenario, I'm in a situation like her ex-boyfriend. I'm still holding on to my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/best friend, doing things for her in hope that she is happy. In fact, I love her so much that if she truly feels that she is happier and more fortunate being with the other guy, I'll respect her decision to pursue her own happiness. I just hope to be the first person she think of when she needs someone to talk to, someone to be there for her.

I had a heart to heart talk with her few days ago and from the things she told me, it seems like she is dating the other guy. However, like "bestmobilestuff", she is confused over whether she made the right choice. She feels happier and less pressured being with the other guy, but at the same time, there are many factors which hints that I make a better choice as a boyfriend. She told me that there are many differences in character between them and that I care and protect her more.
sana618
mk12327 wrote:


I had a heart to heart talk with her few days ago and from the things she told me, it seems like she is dating the other guy. However, like "bestmobilestuff", she is confused over whether she made the right choice. She feels happier and less pressured being with the other guy, but at the same time, there are many factors which hints that I make a better choice as a boyfriend. She told me that there are many differences in character between them and that I care and protect her more.



every person and his or her character is different....and it is natural for her to make comparisions, between you two.both of you have your good and bad things. since you were her best friend before being her boyfriend, it is only natural for you to be more protective about her because i strongly feel that best friends always look out for each other.
as for being confused... give her some space stop being her boyfriend for sometime and just be her best friend..... by this i don't mean that you start giving her advice about what is good or bad for her.. ok... just be there when she needs you, give her your support without her asking and without you showing.... a silent saintinal ......
see what happens after a few days... either she will relize that you are what she needs or you will feel the need to befriend other girls... maybe you both were just ment to be friends..... it happens you know.
mk12327
In a way, I had sort of in a way became her "best friend" for almost week. (I do things for her as though she is still my girlfriend but we no longer hold hands) It occur to me quite a few times as to whether she is still worth me doing all these for her... From a certain view, she had actually betrayed me while she was still officially my girlfriend...

Emotionally, although I can't be sure if she is still worth my efforts, I know that I am still willing to do things for her, be there for her. I am also certain that I am willing to forgive her if she is willing to give up the other guy completely and come back to me.

One of the key reasons why she feels happier with the other guy is that she feels that her freedom is restricted being with me. It linked to me unable to stop worrying about her (safety, how is she doing, has she taken her meals, etc.), just like parents always worried about their children because they truly love and care for them. Whereas in my opinion, the other guy would give her lots of freedom probably cause he doesn't care as much.

What do you think I should do? Please advice.
deanhills
mk12327 wrote:
In a way, I had sort of in a way became her "best friend" for almost week. (I do things for her as though she is still my girlfriend but we no longer hold hands) It occur to me quite a few times as to whether she is still worth me doing all these for her... From a certain view, she had actually betrayed me while she was still officially my girlfriend...

Emotionally, although I can't be sure if she is still worth my efforts, I know that I am still willing to do things for her, be there for her. I am also certain that I am willing to forgive her if she is willing to give up the other guy completely and come back to me.

One of the key reasons why she feels happier with the other guy is that she feels that her freedom is restricted being with me. It linked to me unable to stop worrying about her (safety, how is she doing, has she taken her meals, etc.), just like parents always worried about their children because they truly love and care for them. Whereas in my opinion, the other guy would give her lots of freedom probably cause he doesn't care as much.

What do you think I should do? Please advice.


It is quite strange that those who do a lot for others inevitably are treated with less enthusiasm than those who do less or nothing for them. I am sure you must have come across that. I.e. if someone in your life is continuously worrying about you, doing things for you, asking questions about how your day has been, and shows lots of interest in your daily doings, you seem to care less for them than perhaps someone who is attractive in your life, and who has a little distance from you? You are just that more curious about them, want to be with them, want to spend more time with them. Think we tend to be more attracted to people who lead busy lives, are more focussed on their own objectives and have less time available for us.

OK as to what to do, my advice would be to let go completely as you are wasting your time. Also, if you would want it to work out, possibly to let go completely would be the only way to go about it. Along the lines of letting the bird go free .... etc. Honestly and sincerely, as there is letting go, and letting go, and this has to be letting go completely, along the lines of getting on with your own life, filling it with lots of happy things to do so much so that you do not have time to think about what has been.
Da Rossa
Personally I don't think this is something you have to know like a natural science. don't try to measure or understand it... you just feel it. If you're a teen, probably you can confuse some things with love but that's very pleasant and an important phase in your life. Then, in future relationships, you can distinguish better. But the first experiences are necessary, even if they are painful.
sana618
deanhills wrote:
mk12327 wrote:
In a way, I had sort of in a way became her "best friend" for almost week. (I do things for her as though she is still my girlfriend but we no longer hold hands) It occur to me quite a few times as to whether she is still worth me doing all these for her... From a certain view, she had actually betrayed me while she was still officially my girlfriend...

Emotionally, although I can't be sure if she is still worth my efforts, I know that I am still willing to do things for her, be there for her. I am also certain that I am willing to forgive her if she is willing to give up the other guy completely and come back to me.

One of the key reasons why she feels happier with the other guy is that she feels that her freedom is restricted being with me. It linked to me unable to stop worrying about her (safety, how is she doing, has she taken her meals, etc.), just like parents always worried about their children because they truly love and care for them. Whereas in my opinion, the other guy would give her lots of freedom probably cause he doesn't care as much.

What do you think I should do? Please advice.


It is quite strange that those who do a lot for others inevitably are treated with less enthusiasm than those who do less or nothing for them. I am sure you must have come across that. I.e. if someone in your life is continuously worrying about you, doing things for you, asking questions about how your day has been, and shows lots of interest in your daily doings, you seem to care less for them than perhaps someone who is attractive in your life, and who has a little distance from you? You are just that more curious about them, want to be with them, want to spend more time with them. Think we tend to be more attracted to people who lead busy lives, are more focussed on their own objectives and have less time available for us.

OK as to what to do, my advice would be to let go completely as you are wasting your time. Also, if you would want it to work out, possibly to let go completely would be the only way to go about it. Along the lines of letting the bird go free .... etc. Honestly and sincerely, as there is letting go, and letting go, and this has to be letting go completely, along the lines of getting on with your own life, filling it with lots of happy things to do so much so that you do not have time to think about what has been.




You've said it yourself mk12327... the magic words "freedom", she does not need you parenting her as she already had that half her life with her own parents. girls need freedom as much as guys do, and how do you know that the other guy does not care for her?, just because he gives her her freedom dos'nt mean that he does'nt care ok. and if you think that she has betrayed you when you both were still togather then honestly i think that even if you two get back again then you'll still have that tiny little doubt niggling at you if she is being faithful or not and that will never give you an honest and happy relationship.


as deanhills said and i agree with him that we tend to care less for that person who is day in and day out in our lives than that person who hardly knows us. we want to know about that person and let that other person know us.


and again as deanhills said you have to let go completely......maybe just to see if she comes back to you..... you know if you start ignoring her like stop doing what you do to her daily..... asking her about her meals , worrying about her that kind of stuff...... she'll start to take notice of you, just because you are taking less notice of her, and also if you start a new friendship or even a relationship it will be all the better for you. you will be worring less about her and starting to enjoy your own life with a different person.
sana618
deanhills wrote:
mk12327 wrote:
In a way, I had sort of in a way became her "best friend" for almost week. (I do things for her as though she is still my girlfriend but we no longer hold hands) It occur to me quite a few times as to whether she is still worth me doing all these for her... From a certain view, she had actually betrayed me while she was still officially my girlfriend...

Emotionally, although I can't be sure if she is still worth my efforts, I know that I am still willing to do things for her, be there for her. I am also certain that I am willing to forgive her if she is willing to give up the other guy completely and come back to me.

One of the key reasons why she feels happier with the other guy is that she feels that her freedom is restricted being with me. It linked to me unable to stop worrying about her (safety, how is she doing, has she taken her meals, etc.), just like parents always worried about their children because they truly love and care for them. Whereas in my opinion, the other guy would give her lots of freedom probably cause he doesn't care as much.

What do you think I should do? Please advice.


It is quite strange that those who do a lot for others inevitably are treated with less enthusiasm than those who do less or nothing for them. I am sure you must have come across that. I.e. if someone in your life is continuously worrying about you, doing things for you, asking questions about how your day has been, and shows lots of interest in your daily doings, you seem to care less for them than perhaps someone who is attractive in your life, and who has a little distance from you? You are just that more curious about them, want to be with them, want to spend more time with them. Think we tend to be more attracted to people who lead busy lives, are more focussed on their own objectives and have less time available for us.

OK as to what to do, my advice would be to let go completely as you are wasting your time. Also, if you would want it to work out, possibly to let go completely would be the only way to go about it. Along the lines of letting the bird go free .... etc. Honestly and sincerely, as there is letting go, and letting go, and this has to be letting go completely, along the lines of getting on with your own life, filling it with lots of happy things to do so much so that you do not have time to think about what has been.




You've said it yourself mk12327... the magic words "freedom", she does not need you parenting her as she already had that half her life with her own parents. girls need freedom as much as guys do, and how do you know that the other guy does not care for her?, just because he gives her her freedom dos'nt mean that he does'nt care ok. and if you think that she has betrayed you when you both were still togather then honestly i think that even if you two get back again then you'll still have that tiny little doubt niggling at you if she is being faithful or not and that will never give you an honest and happy relationship.


as deanhills said and i agree with him that we tend to care less for that person who is day in and day out in our lives than that person who hardly knows us. we want to know about that person and let that other person know us.


and again as deanhills said you have to let go completely......maybe just to see if she comes back to you..... you know if you start ignoring her like stop doing what you do to her daily..... asking her about her meals , worrying about her that kind of stuff...... she'll start to take notice of you, just because you are taking less notice of her, and also if you start a new friendship or even a relationship it will be all the better for you. you will be worring less about her and starting to enjoy your own life with a different person.
mk12327
Thanks for all the advice. It seems that most of you are suggesting that I let go of this relationship. Well, after much thought, I had decided to follow the advice and let it go. Part of the reason is that my country practises conscription and I am currently serving the army. I would not be able to spend as much time with her over the next 2 years and this means a very low probability of me winning her back. I understand that girls tend to hope for someone to be there for them in times of crisis and unhappiness, and being in the army means I most likely can't be there for her physically.

For the good of the both of us, I guess it is time I move on in life and focus on other things such as career. Because even if she comes back to me, I can't be selfish to make her wait for me for 2 years. Especially the fact that she feels happier being with the other guy. As for myself, I would be relieved of all the pain and suffering I gave myself for being so persistent.

I'll would not deliberately look for another girl at the moment as I feel that at this point in time, I'll most likely treat a new girl as a substitute which wouldn't be very nice. I'll just take one step at a time and see how the situation progresses... Who knows, I might meet someone else that moves my heart again; Or maybe after 2 years I might be together with my ex again.
deanhills
mk12327 wrote:
Thanks for all the advice. It seems that most of you are suggesting that I let go of this relationship. Well, after much thought, I had decided to follow the advice and let it go. Part of the reason is that my country practises conscription and I am currently serving the army. I would not be able to spend as much time with her over the next 2 years and this means a very low probability of me winning her back. I understand that girls tend to hope for someone to be there for them in times of crisis and unhappiness, and being in the army means I most likely can't be there for her physically.

For the good of the both of us, I guess it is time I move on in life and focus on other things such as career. Because even if she comes back to me, I can't be selfish to make her wait for me for 2 years. Especially the fact that she feels happier being with the other guy. As for myself, I would be relieved of all the pain and suffering I gave myself for being so persistent.

I'll would not deliberately look for another girl at the moment as I feel that at this point in time, I'll most likely treat a new girl as a substitute which wouldn't be very nice. I'll just take one step at a time and see how the situation progresses... Who knows, I might meet someone else that moves my heart again; Or maybe after 2 years I might be together with my ex again.


Best wishes for your joining the army. In view of the uncertainty of your feelings, you made a tough decision that was very unselfish and incredibly mature. You set your girlfriend and you free, which of course is a much toughter decision to make, then just to leave and join the army as most guys tend to do. They usually are relieved they have that option and escape clause, so next thing of course the girlfriend would now know where she stands and hope for something that will never be. The way you did it must hurt both of you, but at least you have opened a door for each of you.
Sphaerenkern
Usually I know that I'm in love with a girl when I'm attracted to her but more interested in the personality than in erotic issues. But there are some exceptions where e.g. I like to hold the girl in my arms but know that I don't love her.
True Love is - in my opinion - when you accept the person fully. That doesn't mean that you have to love every aspect of the person, I doubt that such a person exists. But you have to know that you'll stand by this guy or girl and you also have to accept the aspects of him/her you don't like.

Some easy examples, assuming that you're female or gay:
A guy is very, very athletic, but not that clever. You like his athleticism, dedication to sports and competition. His lack of cleverness is something you don't love at him, but you don't think it will disturb your relationship. You don't like this aspect that much, but you don't hate it. -> You accept his weakness(es), so you can love him fully.

Another example: A guy is very good in school. You like his cleverness and collaboration, but he is an opportunist - he doesn't only act as a bootlicker to get good grades, but will also deny you when he gets some advantages for that. So there is an aspect that you can't accept and that you hate. You may love him when you two are alone and when he's nice to you, but you may not love him when he denies you. Since you don't accept all of him, you don't really love him totally.
Sphaerenkern
Usually I know that I'm in love with a girl when I'm attracted to her but more interested in the personality than in erotic issues. But there are some exceptions where e.g. I like to hold the girl in my arms but know that I don't love her.
True Love is - in my opinion - when you accept the person fully. That doesn't mean that you have to love every aspect of the person, I doubt that such a person exists. But you have to know that you'll stand by this guy or girl and you also have to accept the aspects of him/her you don't like.

Some easy examples, assuming that you're female or gay:
A guy is very, very athletic, but not that clever. You like his athleticism, dedication to sports and competition. His lack of cleverness is something you don't love at him, but you don't think it will disturb your relationship. You don't like this aspect that much, but you don't hate it. -> You accept his weakness(es), so you can love him fully.

Another example: A guy is very good in school. You like his cleverness and collaboration, but he is an opportunist - he doesn't only act as a bootlicker to get good grades, but will also deny you when he gets some advantages for that. So there is an aspect that you can't accept and that you hate. You may love him when you two are alone and when he's nice to you, but you may not love him when he denies you. Since you don't accept all of him, you don't really love him totally.
sana618
no one in this world is perfect, every one has their good and bad qualities. so if you are in love with a person then you have to accept them fully with both their virtues and vices.not just love them because they are good at or in something and leave them because you found out that person is not so good after all.
love accepts a person with their warts n all. so if you ever fall in love..... love that person completely.
Greatking
Well love they say is one of the things that man has not been able to comprehend so far. My first relationship ended after 2 years with someone i held in high exteem. I had to stay away for a month before getting over her. She calls me now and then to say hi and there is always this thing hanging over me about her (the one that makes you feel like to want to hug the person). I am in a new relationship which has been for the past 3 years. Now this is the catch. When i first met this lady i thought she was everything that i ever wanted or asked for, as time went on i realised that i got more than i bargained for - she was everything and more. You see when you love someone you just know it because you see the person as a brother or a sister whether they piss you off or hurt you you still love them because you see beyond the MANHOOD OR WOMANHOOD.
Xrave
well, ... love is... intricate. fragile yet strong. all-compassing. it's a emotion created by the brain to stimulate our cells and satisfy our needs to hug someone, kiss someone, or do more with someone, etc. it is fake yet real. the existence of it is unspoken of, yet some are in love. it is a state of mind and a emotion of soul.

You know you love someone... when your heart flutters, but not stutters (stuttering is a side-effect, if you can't get over it, then its mere attraction(in most cases)). when your soul wishes so strongly to give someone else happiness, more than your own. when you're willing to give the world for the person, yet know that they'd never ask you to do so.

Being in love is when you'd wake up one morning and think of that person's face. when you smile around them for no reason. when your heart reaches out to said person...

get it?
mk12327
A pretty comprehensive explanation I'll say. Indeed love can sometimes be very hard for us humans to comprehend...
TrueFact
@Xrave, I can say it is you are in love, a true one... or just describing the perfect love Razz
chrizm
if you always think or dream of
muffinman187
when you become blind and dont know what exactly you're doing
hfhhh8
i too have expreienced that feeling, i broke up with my girl which lasted for 1 year and 4 months cause i fell for another... right now I am 1 year vacant and i love being single... i admit that i have crushes but i think i am not ready for another relationshi[p just yet
TrueFact
@ hfhhh8: you don't prepare to fall in love and choose when you do. It just happens and all we can do is to try to make it work.
natilovesmike
Well, just like many said before, sounds like you are a teen...and teen years are a turmoil of confusion emotionally. But eventually things get straight...most of the time.
I had a situation like that happen but I was at the other end...lets say I was kind of your first boyfriend.
I personally don't believe in friendship between men and women, that said, I do have a couple of really good friends from the opposite sex and I love them just as much as I love any of my friends (either sex).
I am currently married and in Love with my husband, what's the difference? Well, he is the one I want to spend the most time with, the one I trust and the one who makes me feel stable and confident. The reason I don't believe in friendship between men and women is because even if at first sight you think your are not attracted to someone, if you get to know that person and get to understand him then the physical appearance barrier can be easily broken.

For me, finding the love of my life had a lot to do with what I wanted at each stage of my life. As a teen I was certain that I didn't want any serious relationship...I knew I wasn't ready to commit. But as I grew I realized that I wanted to share what I do in life with someone and having that mind set led me to meet my husband who met all my requirements (basically like me even when I wasn't dressed up (And he did! because he met me and fall for me when I wasn't dressed-up!) and to be passionate about his job/life).

So, I am not sure I helped...When the same thing happened to me (but I was on the opposite end) as soon as all the dating feelings started complicating things I got away from both my friends forever. I decided that was not the kind of friendship/relationship I wanted (I do not tolerate cheating). And that was good to clear my head and focus on what I wanted at the time (which was my career).

Good luck! And enjoy the turmoil because life get duller and stressful in other ways later one! (I sound so old!!!!!)
airh3ad
if you love someone, Set her free if she ever comes back, she's yours, she doesn't, here's the poison,suicide yourself for her Joke.If she doesn't comes back within some time forget
her.
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